Yesha Callahan

Mainstream Media, Please Stop Giving A Damn About My Singlehood

During a conversation this evening with HWSRN, I caught myself in the middle of our conversation stating, “I’d like to be in a relationship”, and his response was, “Well you get what you put out there”. I let that comment slide, because I didn’t feel like debating the “Why I’m single”, with someone who I’ve had such a back & forth history with because it would only end up in me hanging up on him. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of relationships that ended either amicably, or because an ex was a bat shit crazy sociopath because we just didn’t ‘mesh’, so I’ve pretty much have seen both ends of the spectrum when it comes to relationships.

But…..

I’m really tired of having the “Why Black Women Are Single” bullshit shoved down my throat by white mainstream media outlets for the past couple of months, and by some black people who only want to make $$ off of the issue, and not offering any thing other than negative discourse and finger pointing.

Bring your ear a little closer to the monitor so I can whisper to you my reason why I’m single…come just a little closer…..

I’M SINGLE BECAUSE IT’S MY RIGHT..CHOICE..PREROGATIVE.. TO BE!



Basically according to the white media, not only is just about every black woman carrying the herpes virus, but we’re all single, angry, bitter bitches.  In return, you have black women justifying myself included with this post apparently, pontificating, arguing, one-up’ing each other as to why they’re single and why they can’t find a good ‘man’.
I’m not single because I’m a “black” woman. I’m single because I’m a woman with free will and very high standards.
I’m single because, I know what I bring to the table, and I refuse to settle for anything less.
I’m single because Brad Pitt hasn’t come across me yet.
I’m single because John Mayer has stated that his penis is like David Duke, and I really really really used to like John Mayer.
Here’s a question:
Since when did it become wrong to be single?
Why is there all of this discourse about black women being single, and nothing about the dog ass men, who make women appreciate being single more & more each day?
Black women, if you’re single, embrace it. Be happy you’re not in some crappy ass relationship. Be appreciative of the fact that you’re not married to some man who’s out at night without his wedding ring on, still acting as if he’s single.
The “relationship” grass is not always greener. Believe that.
So to all of the white mainstream media hoopla over the single black woman crisis that is disrupting the world, I  leave you with this:
What we (single black women) eat, doesn’t make you shit…mind your own business.

  1. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lisa Marie and Mike H., Carolyn Edgar. Carolyn Edgar said: RT @fungkeblakchik New Post : "White Media, Please Stop Giving A Damn About My Singlehood"- http://tinyurl.com/y4y62d4 […]

  2. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    Tell’em! I can’t say I don’t wish some next to me sometimes but…I get past it an enjoy my singleness

    • April 19, 2010 - Reply

      @Danielle

      I’m like this..if I wanted some next to me..I know who to call…lol

  3. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    Another great one! THANK YOU! Your sentiments can’t be said enough.

    • April 19, 2010 - Reply

      @Mahoganie Jade

      Thanks, Mahoganie!

  4. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    Well said! It seems like everywhere you go, someone is trying to analyze why a black woman is single…why the hell are so many white women single, or Asian women or Hispanic woman. I know those black women are the sh#@% but come on, if your single, that’s your prerogative! If you’re not, that’s your prerogative as well!

    • April 19, 2010 - Reply

      @Daphne

      i know very few women, who aren’t black, but ironically those women that aren’t black..are single as well…i don’t see a msnbc/dateline/cnn special about them..that’s for sure.

      • April 24, 2010 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        Fung’ke,
        And you will never hear the mainstream white media URGING white, latina, and asian women to date outside of their race either. It’s always about Black women and what’s wrong with us. And this is from the very mainstream media that denigrates Black people, especially Black women and children, the same media that put nonblack, especially white on the pedestal, day in and day out.
        La Reyna

  5. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    Social comments and analytics for this post…
    This post was mentioned on Twitter by carolynedgar: RT @fungkeblakchik New Post : “White Media, Please Stop Giving A Damn About My Singlehood”- http://tinyurl.com/y4y62d4

  6. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    Everyone always tries to blame the women for their own singlehood…but it’s a monster created by two entities. Man AND woman. I don’t particularly care as to why anyone else is single. I’m not the humpback hag living in the house at the edge of town with the red “X” on her door. I just choose not to be subjected to lie after lie. I give honesty…I want it in return.
    Like you said, what is wrong with being single? It’s not the death of happiness. Some say marriage does that. lol *bastards*

    • April 19, 2010 - Reply

      @Kiwi

      Lord, I can’t even comment about marriage, b/c I haven’t been there..but ppl make it seem like everyone who’s married is living like a fairytale..if that was the case..where did the high divorce rate appear from..?

      • April 19, 2010 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        Preach! It’s the people who are so miserable in their marriages that perpetuate the CRAP that you should be in one too so we all could be miserable TOGETHER. Lord, groupthink has been worn out but seriously–people are on that ish worse than drugs.

  7. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    Right ON! I thought that I was the only one noticing all the talk about single black women. I’m single because I want to be.

    • April 19, 2010 - Reply

      @Tonia

      it’s been ad nauseam for months now…
      i blame steve harvey.

      • April 19, 2010 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        So it’s Steve Harvey!! He started this mess with just one book? I was at church *ahem* when my fellow sister told me about the book. She said steve said that a black woman needed four things, 2 of which escapes me right now but the other 2 were: a gay friend, and a Mandingo Buck!! Wha??? That’s when I decided that I wouldn’t check this book out from the library to read much less buy it!!
        Sorry Steve–and you so pretty and your hair so whipped too! Anyway….I wonder what category he put himself in??

        • April 22, 2010 - Reply

          @AnnaRenee

          @FBC & AnnaRenee:
          I was wondering why I couldn’t bring myself to buy that dauym book. Let a alone….go out my way to go and check it out at the Library. Don’t get me wrong I like Steve otherwise, if he sticks to hosting award shows and whatnot. I just want to know why folks are making him into a relationship expert? He’s NOT people. Are you reading this Essence Magazine? STEVE HARVERY, is not a relationship expert.

      • April 22, 2010 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        It’s interesting you mention Steve Harvey. I received his book as a gift from my uncle. Until now, I just realized why I never did finish reading the book:)

  8. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    word.

    • April 19, 2010 - Reply

      @foolproofdiva

      to ya ‘muva 😉

  9. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    WOOO!! Preach ON SISTA!! Thank you for publicizing what a bunch of us ladies have been wanting to YELL at mainstream media. I’ve been telling this to the super-conservative people I used to live with who looked at me like I had 6 eyes, 10 noses, and 5 ears. Lol. Now I have to justify myself to people in the mainstream. However, I’m glad it’s at the forefront bc great single sisters have bonded against a common cause –“STAY OUT OF OUR LOVE LIVES CNN,ABC, WASHINGTON POST” campaign.

  10. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    […] We have to stop paying attention to what they are saying about us and feeding into that bullsh*t. They need to mind their own f*cking business. But so do we. We need to concentrate on the real reasons that Black women and Black men […]

  11. April 19, 2010 - Reply

    I’m white AND married.. Aint no fairytale here honey! Great post 😉

  12. April 20, 2010 - Reply

    […] you with this:What we (single black women) eat, doesn’t make you sh*t…mind your own business.[ORIGINALLY POSTED HERE]Tagged as: analysis, Black women, Media, Relationships, Single Article by [fung'ke] [blak] […]

  13. April 20, 2010 - Reply

    I hear ya, girl. I’m totally exhausted, fed up, ticked off…you name it. These so-called experts with all their stats and ish aren’t doing anything but making a buck off the “crisis”. They didn’t give a damn before so why now? I agree, we have added to the perception, so from here on out I’ll stop responding “it’s hard out there” when I’m asked about STILL being single…lol

  14. April 20, 2010 - Reply

    CHURCH!!!!! I am sooo sick and tired of people and this shiggity… I was married… and now I’m single and LOVIN IT !!! All 10 years of it. Will I get married again? if and when I want to-right now I don’t want to.

  15. April 21, 2010 - Reply

    PRAISE and PREACH. I wish all these, (White, Black, Essence and Soledad) peeps would leave us alone. Essence has yet another “Roundtable Discussion” in the latest issue of the Mag. Made me gag in my mouth- because its the SAME SHALLOW SURFACE BULLSHYT that is always mentioned in EVERY DAMN CONVERSATION. Enough already. If we’re not gonna really tell the truth about w”our issues” (like the our lack of self-knowledge, self love and self actualization)…then we all just need to kindly STFU and move on already.
    I have made it a personal choice and mission to not internalize any of this nonsense…I will not let the news keep me in a state of wanting…because I will be “wanting and despairing” for the rest of my life. If anyone is going to make money off of my black plight…its going to be my OWN black ass.
    I know what I bring to the table. I know what my issues are. Just because I have not met/clicked with someone who isnt’ scared of intimacy doesn’t mean jack shyt other than I have not met that person. In addition….they keep talking about this crisis (a crisis of laziness and fear if you ask me)….tell you to get a white savior…but fail to mention that BLACK PEOPLE ARE ALL OVER THE WORLD. Can’t meet someone here? Use that time wasted on feeling “lonely” to get a skill so you can make some side money so that you can buy a plane ticket. Get your ass on a plane and go find some other black folk to hang out with.
    Signed- Taking Back My Sanity.

    • May 11, 2010 - Reply

      @EvieB

      Damn….very well put. who gives a shit. They failed to mention the fact that why we are single, jail, HIV distributed by Black men, drama, a host of things, but like you said. White American have their own problems. They need to leave ours alone.

  16. April 22, 2010 - Reply

    This is what me, and all women who have ever been married know:
    *What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open. —- Muriel Rukeyser*
    If more of us told the truth about just how miserable marriage really is, we wouldn’t need to have this conversation, because women would not be so crazy for marriage. It’s called an institution for a reason!

  17. April 23, 2010 - Reply

    This whole thing makes me tired. I really don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me…I don’t feel sorry for myself.

  18. April 29, 2010 - Reply

    Agreed, I look at all the crappy relationships around me and shake my head and the cheaters and cheatees. Yeah I have been on the giving and receiving end of it but I am just happy my heart isn’t into anyone right now.
    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  19. May 6, 2010 - Reply

    I absolutely love your site. By the way I stumbled upon this site through Aol.

  20. May 14, 2010 - Reply

    This is what’s trippin’ me out: America has the highest divorce rate in the world. (Half of all marriages in America ends in divorce.) If black women are indeed miserably single, then who’s getting the divorces?

  21. May 14, 2010 - Reply

    Im not that much of a reader to be honest but your sites pretty good, keep it up as I will bookmark ready for my next read

  22. May 17, 2010 - Reply

    I absolutely LOVE your commentary on this issue. I would add my two cents, but you summed it up PERFECTLY.
    (I discovered your site through Tonia/Chic Modern Vintage… She sings your praises and I can read/see why.)

  23. May 18, 2010 - Reply

    WOW I am speechless… you ROCK. I hope this goes far and wide, you deserve it

  24. June 7, 2010 - Reply

    Institutional is right! It all began with men wanting to “own” a woman/wife. By own of course today it is referred to as marriage. They wanted to have someone there to wash their dirty drawers, cook their food, and provide sex whenever they beckoned. It was a convenience. Since the womens movement, they have had to tweak their propaganda, and make it more appealing to the masses of women, fairy tale describes it perfectly. As with everything else, the goal is to get them while they are young and their minds fragile. So they lure our little girls in at an obscenely young age, with these Disney animated princess love stories [because every little girl wants to be a princess..]and when you have a princess, you have ironically [not so much] a Prince. He’s always attractive, and well-mannered. With his perfectly coifed golden hair he’s going to ride in on his white stallion and save you from the cruel cruel world of *gasp* having to work & be an independent member of society.
    So in an effort to push this agenda, they create things like the fairy tale weddings [guaranteed to leave you in debt] &&& Valentines day [because if you dare to be anybody at all on this huge planet then you MUST have a valentine]. Its sad to say, when you get to the bare bones of it all, a lot of the propaganda that they push is solely for the C.R.E.A.M project. It will never die. It’s funny, but the same way that a lot of women lie about how good sex is with their boyfriends and husbands to appease their egos [which is a whole notha’ topic we need to discuss] is the same way we protect bad relationships. We front for everyone else when we know that behind closed doors, that ish’ is nightmarish at best. The fact that we can say that we have a man seems to be the consolation prize, regardless of the drama that you have to put up with && sometimes there’s one or two other chicks claiming that same prize [Doh!]. Please forgive the blanket that I cast, I am not saying that all relationships are this way but as the author of this blog pointed out, then who is getting divorced and what are the circumstances? I have been married [divorced now] and personally think the “Reasons for Dissolution” that you [usually women who are filing] are given, are complete and utter bullcrap. They need to have as a choice (d)He’s a lying, cheating dog. I am sure millions would opt for this instead of “irreconcilable differences”. GTFOH! K, let me reel it back in, going a tad bit off topic BUT it’s all pretty much a setup from the time that you are ripped from your mothers teet and plopped down in front of Tell-Lie-Vision. If I had my way [Oh wait, I do] I would remain single and when I want companionship then I will go on a dinner date, hiking [if your’e into that lol] or to a movie, if I want sex then I will have AWESOME sex whether there be cuddling at the end or just his rear end closing the door behind him, and when I just want quiet and to come home to a clean house where I can grab a banana and a bowl of cereal because I don’t have a grown assed man there EXPECTING me to morph into Betty Crocker, it is at this point of my epiphany that I realize that I have found Eutopia. It does exist ya’ll. I live there, and you can too.

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