Yesha Callahan

Stop Making Excuses For Bullsh*t Behavior

relationshipconflict

It never ceases to amaze me how what was once unacceptable to women, when they were single, becomes acceptable when they find someone to blow sweet nothings in their ear. I’m happy to say that I’m not that type of woman. Never have been, never will be. I’ll call a spade a spade in a minute, regardless of my ‘dating’ status or situation.

What I cannot deal with are women who will find every excuse and reason to accept unacceptable behavior from men. For example, ever since the Chris Brown & Rihanna incident you have women who are coming to his defense. Many questioned what Rihanna did to provoke the beating she received. You have women who actually felt sorry for Chris Brown, and the list goes on. Why women are feeling sorry for him and his shitty actions is beyond me. I can’t even start to comprehend it.

Some of yall (yeah I wrote ‘yall’) out there accept their shit and smile & grin and are happy with it. Double fail on you!

I don’t care if it’s a family member, a male friend or companion. I don’t accept half-ass’ness, bitch-ass’ness, or trifling-ass’ness behavior, especially when it comes to a potential suitor. Women, when you accept these behaviors from men, you’re making it acceptable?!? If this means that I’ll be perpetually single, so be it.

Is that concept so hard to grasp?

When you accept certain behavior from men, you make it hard on the next woman they come in contact with, because he’s thinking if one woman is fine with his behavior, so will the next. It’s a f*cking cycle! Get it?? I’ve learned this from first hand experience and I would never want some woman to have to come across some man that wasn’t called out on his bullsh*t by me.

So you think it’s acceptable for a man not to even have the decency to call a woman to cancel on a date? Well damn, I’d hate to see you all dressed up and nowhere to go one day as you sit there thinking what may have happened, or what could have happened to your ‘date’, who’s probably some where hanging with the boys and couldn’t give a damn about calling you to cancel (I only used this example b/c of a recent personal experience & the ill  ‘advice’ a female friend gave me).

So you think it’s acceptable for a man to hit a woman, if she hit him first? Well damn, lets see what happens when you’re Chris Browned, and left with a busted lip, lumps on your forehead, after you, being all of 5?4 and 110 lbs decide to raise your hand at your 6?3 boyfriend, who then beats you like a man.

Needless to say, some women have some serious battered minds because you’re used to dealing with bullsh*t men and making excuses for them! Women, some of you have got to do better!

Now, men, you’d think there would come a time in your life when you realize the sh*t that you’re doing is wrong.

Not all men/women are created equal. This I know.

But do you not realize the chances of you some day having a daughter, and her coming across someone exactly like you? It’s very possible. I asked a friend of mine a while back, would he want his daughter to date someone like him? Of course he couldn’t answer that, because he knew that the answer would be a ‘NO’.

I used to tell my guy friends to be the man they’d want to see their future daughter with, or be the man they’d want to see their son grow up to be. I don’t think that concept is so hard to grasp, but I guess it’s easier said than done.

Cycles are meant to be broken.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? That’s what the comment section is for.

  1. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    You are so trill right now.

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @J'amour

      aren’t u glad my site is mobile? lol

  2. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    My issue with this whole thing and all the chitter chatter is that people are not saying that violence is wrong period no matter how it happens or who instigates it.
    That’s my beef.
    I will contend that there are two sides to every story and in that, I am not providing any justification. Its my belief that as humans, or a higher species of primate, that we all have issues with conflict resolution be it male or female provoked.

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @RiPPa

      it’s not just the violence i’m speaking about..it’s women condoning any type of ill behavior and making excuses for men and justifying their actions..
      from beating
      to cheating
      to not being responsible or considerate…
      where there is some man fucking up,there’s always going to be a woman backing up his fuck ups.

  3. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    I agree with your overall contention.
    The one part that I take exception to is about a woman hitting a man…. and even so, I don’t know how much my view deviates. I agree, a man should not lay hands on a woman, period.
    If a woman hits a man, I think that the best thing that a man could do is to turn on those heels (leave) and don’t come back.
    Some women seem to feel that they can do whatever. I hear stories of some of the crazy ish that women do and say to men, confident that they won’t receive retaliation. And, quite honestly, I would hate to be a man in those instances. Abuse is not just about the amount of physical harm done.
    Some women are abusive, period. And it’s not okay. Women should reign in and constructively express their anger, just as men should.

  4. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    I agree with your post, whether it is physical violence or emotional manipulation we MUST stop making excuses for the behavior. One is not more destructive than the other, it is just one is more apparent than the other.
    I firmly believe that the love we accept is the love we feel we deserve, which makes me wonder why are people (not just women) so prone to accepting ridiculous, demeaning, destructive, and disrespectful behavior?
    I believe it comes down to self love and awareness

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @Certified Diva

      “I believe it comes down to self love and awareness”
      well stated! a lot of ppl (men/women) believe that they don’t deserve better, sadly.

      • March 3, 2009 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        It is really sad… And I’m not one to get into celebrity gossip, but my local radio show said that Rihanna is testifying on his behalf and professes her love for him further stating that the incident was her fault as well… I don’t know about you- I don’t know the extent of their relationship or whatever, but at the end of the day when the smoke clears I hope women (men too) realize that we need to expect and want better for ourselves and be confident in walking away from men and relationships that are destructive… Thank you for this great post!

  5. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    Nobody should inflict physical abuse upon anyone else regardless of the gender or circumstance. PERIOD. Having been raised in an abusive household and leaving the frying pot to jump into the fire of an abusive relationship TRUST ME when I tell you that it is always better to just walk away. And if someone chooses to walk away from you…dont think you can convince them to stay or that you will change. Once a person pushes a limit with someone and is allowed to stay in the situation they will inevitably push that limit again. Anger Management or not. My humble opinion…but while I was in that situation NOBODY could tell me this, I had to learn from my own mistakes. I assume from this recent turn of events that sadly, this was a rite of passage that was not unique to me.

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @Ohsoluvlee1

      I totally agree, but there will always be a huge disparity between the #’s when it comes to the female usually being the one who’s getting abused.
      I just wish more women knew and had the courage to walk away after the first incident.

  6. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    Girl, yea. My iPod made me loathe computers. They’re so big. lmao

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @J'amour

      R.I.P to my ipod lol

  7. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    I know you may be shocked…but, I agree totally. *throwing water on you* Do you need help getting up off the floor? LOL

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @Kiwi

      OMG, no wonder it’s snowing!! This is a first! lol

  8. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    I agree, like my mother always taught me, “You teach people how to treat you.” We have to realize that someone will only treat you as bad as you let them, if they know you won’t deal with bullshit then they will act accordingly or will peace it on out a lot sooner so you can find someone who will….

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @Naturally Alise

      Your mother was 100% correct!

  9. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    For Rihanna and all the others like her….. Don’t look to the intelligent world for sympathy. If u return to an abuser, u deserve to get abused every day of your life until u wake up.

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @my life's architect

      It’s a harsh way to put it, but I can’t say anyone deserves it, but they shouldn’t be surprised if it happened again.

      • March 2, 2009 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        lol it was most certainly a harsh way of saying ur asking for it. And beating u is how they will answer. And as for how many times he hit her… we know he hit her once, that’s more than enough.

        • March 2, 2009 - Reply

          @my life's architect

          BTW I know I sound apathetic to everyone. But I have been a “victim” of this, and not only did I fight back successfully but I loved myself enough to be sensible.

  10. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    Hold up tho…
    People talking all this stuff about Rihanna being foolish for returning to her abuser. Hell, this is one incident for which details are not even forthcoming. Can anyone tell me of how many times he is known to have beat her down?

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @RiPPa

      as with the whole situation, there is speculation that a while back when she was wearing an eye patch for a ‘fashion statement’ that it probably had something to do with being hit as well….

  11. March 2, 2009 - Reply

    Lets start with we are supposed to be highly evolved beings. Physical violence against one another is wrong period. Now lets address the issue of hitting women, its wrong, no question. But women hitting men is wrong as well. Being a women does not give you any special rights to express your anger physically period. My mother taught me never to hit women, but in the same breathe she also said don’t let a women hit on me either, she does not have the right. Her message was basically if you let anyone hit you and get away with it it will keep happening. Just so we are clear she said that when its time to leave the situation alone for good, relationship over that moment, period. I will end with this, as a man no matter how upset I get, if I let that get the best of me, and haul off and put my hands on a bigger man, I just asked for whatever he feels like serving my way.

    • March 2, 2009 - Reply

      @Beentheredonethat

      I am not at all condoning a woman hitting a man, but your mother was definitely right as well, if you allow someone to continue to inflict their actions on you, and do nothing about it, they’ll keep on doing it.

    • March 3, 2009 - Reply

      @Beentheredonethat

      I completely agree, it is just as wrong for a woman to hit a man, it is definitely a form of abuse and MANIPULATION (b/c chances are they know the man won’t hit them back). I have three brothers and I hear on a near regular basis that their girlfriend or baby’s mother has hit them, pulled out chunks of their hair (by brother has locs), cut them, pulled out guns on them… in FRONT of their children. I tell my brothers to call the police, but they never do… why?
      Shame- they feel as though by calling the police they are not in control of their female situation and would be ashamed to admit they were being abused or felt threatened.
      Pride.
      Stupidity.
      I pray for my brothers safety every night not just protection from the malice people on the street but also from the malice people in their bed…
      Abuse goes both ways…

      • March 3, 2009 - Reply

        @Certified Diva

        …and there it is!
        This is the double standard that I often speak about. Being that we live in a male dominated society, certain male stigmas abound. That in itself is a problem. The line “You ain’t got your woman in check man?” from the movie “The 5 Heartbeats” comes to mind.

  12. March 3, 2009 - Reply

    AMEN!!!!!! I could not have said this better myself!

  13. March 3, 2009 - Reply

    and its interesting how a lot of the women (black) who supported R.Kelly are the same ones who have been supporting Chris Brown and “wanting more details”.
    Great post!!

  14. March 4, 2009 - Reply

    preach besides who care about chris brown, sadddens me folks no more about this than recovery plan

  15. March 4, 2009 - Reply

    I don’t care who hit who first, hitting a woman is wrong. Chris should have stepped away from the situation when he saw that it was going to get out of hand. Stop the car and let her out or stop the car and you go for a damn walk.
    It shouldn’t have escalated to the degree that it did. I know it’s easy to say that because I’m on the outside looking in, but if it were me, I would have thought about what this would do to my career and I’m not about to let shit affect my money! That’s just me.

  16. March 5, 2009 - Reply

    Man honeslty i see these type of situations in a completly differnt light now. I definatly dont think it is acceptable to hit women. But after being in a relationship where a woman tried to attack me not hit but attack and even after restraining her i just had to get away i can understand why some guys lose it and hit back. I am a very very calm person and it takes a massive amount of instigating to even get me to strike a man. But a person man or woman can only take so much of somebody in there facing, striking them in the face and so forth. Yes you could call the police but 9 times out of 10 the male is the one going to jail. So the best option is run away. The only thing i can think to do is to teach my childern ( boys and girls) that it is not acceptable to hit any body unless you can deal with the consequences of what that person is going to do back to you. Alot of women have this false sense of security that they can strike anyone and anybody. Well be warned you are going to bump into the wrong person and get laid out.

  17. July 22, 2009 - Reply

    It disgusted me when so many people came to Chris Brown's defense. As the child of a former victim of domestic violence I cannot stand for this kind of behavior.

    && yea I guess some things are easier said than done but a lot of men don't even seem to try. && some women need to learn to call men out on their shit. or if you have a problem saying something at least don't go back to them when they treat you like nothing. if a man treats his dog better than you, there is a serious problem.

  18. November 29, 2009 - Reply

    ***CLAPS!!!!**

    Someone understands!!! I just feel so alone in this world when it comes to this…the present dynamic between the sexes. It is just so FRUSTRATING!!! When your someone whose on your “shit” and everyone else around you is just full of it! I'm just so overwhelmed right now after reading this…lol, I need to take a breather its getting me upset just thinking about it.

    *woosah* =)

  19. November 29, 2009 - Reply

    My thoughts have nothing to do with the Chris Brown situation , although I totally agree. Its just someone will oly treat you the way you let them…and people, especially WOMEN, need to understand this. Forget about the bullshit idea of keeping a man and little to know options for black women, etc (dead, gay, in jail foolishness) reclaim your standards ladies!!

  20. November 30, 2009 - Reply

    ***CLAPS!!!!**

    Someone understands!!! I just feel so alone in this world when it comes to this…the present dynamic between the sexes. It is just so FRUSTRATING!!! When your someone whose on your “shit” and everyone else around you is just full of it! I'm just so overwhelmed right now after reading this…lol, I need to take a breather its getting me upset just thinking about it.

    *woosah* =)

  21. November 30, 2009 - Reply

    My thoughts have nothing to do with the Chris Brown situation , although I totally agree. Its just someone will oly treat you the way you let them…and people, especially WOMEN, need to understand this. Forget about the bullshit idea of keeping a man and little to know options for black women, etc (dead, gay, in jail foolishness) reclaim your standards ladies!!

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