Yesha Callahan

Relax, B*tch! He’s Not My Type!

I always find it funny when a woman wants to grab up her man in a public place when she notices he’s staring or admiring another woman, and this was the case on Sunday while I was shopping at the mall. When I shop, I have tunnel vision. I don’t pay attention to anything going on around me. My goal is to find what I want and leave the mall as quickly as possible. If something was ever to happen in a store, like a robbery, I wouldn’t do the police any good by giving a description of the perpetrator, because that’s how little I pay attention to what’s going on around me.

As I was searching for some long pants at Banana Republic, I was on the phone talking and texting, I was in my own little world. That was until I felt like I was being watched. So I turned to my left and there was “Shrek”, practically devouring me with his eyes. I shook my head and continued my conversation and looking through the clothes. A few minutes later, Shrek was still staring at me. I made my way to another section of the store and figured that would free me from his glares. Wrong. That “I feel someone staring at me feeling” eventually came back, and of course Shrek was back. When I looked up, here comes his “Fiona” from behind and grabbed him by the arm and startled him. In typical insecure woman fashion, she’s giving me the evil eye. “B*tch, please”, is what I wanted to say to her, but I refused to let some ugg-mugg and his ‘keeper’ ruin my day of shopping. I went about my business and paid the two of them no attention, even though now both of them couldn’t keep their eyes off of me.

What happened in that store, I’m sure has happened to tons of women, when they’ve ran into the roaming eye man, and his insecure woman. In the typical “Relax, b*tch, he’s not my type” scenario, the insecure woman immediately gives the gas face to the object of her man’s glare, when in fact, she should have smacked her man upside his head for being so blatantly disrespectful (just kidding I don’t condone domestic violence). In any event, I left Shrek & Fiona to quarrel amongst themselves as I left the store and I made sure I gave both of them something to look at as I strutted off and flipped my hair, with a little grin on my face.

B.Scott- Top 5 Reasons Your Man Ain’t Sh*t

  1. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    Hilarious!

    • December 2, 2008 - Reply

      @mzroz

      If I was bolder, I would have told her to ‘get her man’ lol

  2. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    Too. Funny. I know exactly where you’re coming from. I really dig the site, too.

    • December 2, 2008 - Reply

      @L. Corbin

      Thanks for stopping by! I think everyone could probably relate to it, men & women!

  3. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    I am so happy that B. Scott is moving to NYC… he is going to turn it out
    Lmao @ you comparing that couple to Shrek and Fiona

    • December 2, 2008 - Reply

      @Eb

      Wow, I haven’t been keeping up with him lately, I didn’t know he decided on NYC…Now I gotta go and update myself on his recent happenings! Yeah, they looked like Shrek & Fiona! Not a pretty sight!

  4. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    WOW…I agree, though. She needed to pop HIS ass. I always thought that was stupid! B. Scott is sooo funny! I gotta subscribe! LOL

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @Kiwi

      B. Scott is one of favorite vbloggers! Ohh and his hair is sooo pretty!

      • December 3, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        Yea, his hair looks better than mine. LOL I need tips from B. Scott to get my hair all glossy and bouncy.

  5. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    I gotta agree with Eb lmao @ Shrek & Fiona…

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @DJ Ed Nice

      ..and I’m not talking about when the curse was removed from either of them…LOL!

  6. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    Hilarious you are! Shrek and Fiona? Ugg-mugg hehehe.

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @Jewelryrockstar

      That’s exactly who they reminded me..minus the green ogre skin!

  7. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    Girl, ain’t it a trip? Shoot, I also find it entertaining when I’m with my girls and a guy looks like he’d rather be hanging with us than the boring chick he’s with. You know the look…the one where he looks over at ya like he’s about to mouth ‘help me, I want to have fun too!”.
    A guilty pleasure indeed…lol.

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @CurvyGurl

      LMAO @ “help me, i want to have fun too”…
      From what I hear it also happens to men as well…the girl looks at the guy she’s with, looks back at the other dude, as if she’d rather be with him lol

  8. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    That’s funny. Reminds me of the time the janitor’s wife told my mother not to look at her husband. That old man had to be the ugliest guy in the universe and so ignorant he could barely talk. The wife wasn’t much better. My mother laughed in her face. I wanted to tell the woman she needed to watch her man around the 12 year olds in our complex; he had offered my friend, whose mother was slowly dying of cancer in their apartment, two dollars to have sex with him. She told him yes, and said when he took off his pants, she took the money and ran. Creep.

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @Kit (Keep It Trill)

      WOW! He sounds like a total pedophile & creep! Makes me wonder why his wife would even want to be with him..I’d rather have no man, than to deal with something(one) like that.

  9. December 2, 2008 - Reply

    This is hilarious!

  10. December 3, 2008 - Reply

    is that why when im with a woman she be like hoklding to me, i be like dont no body want me jones lol you are a great satarist

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @rawdawg

      LOL! Yup that could be why! She knows the deal…lol
      But it doesn’t bother me if a woman happens to devour a man I’m with, with her eyes, shoot…if he doesn’t get any attention, then something must be wrong..lol

  11. December 3, 2008 - Reply

    so its my job to attract attention so she can look right lol

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @rawdawgbuffalo

      You know that’s not what I mean….!
      She should be proud that someone is admiring the man she’s with & vice/versa, now when people start turning up their noses and running, that is a problem!! My motto is, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but who wants to be-holding a badger?” !

  12. December 3, 2008 - Reply

    it was probably your fault in some kind of way. Isn’t it too cold for Daisy Dukes out there this time of year? and may I mention that infants start to suck their thumbs and cry from hunger when you wear something that is low cut…………….

    • December 3, 2008 - Reply

      @MistaPickles

      Hilarious! Dont’ be giving away all my secrets!

  13. December 4, 2008 - Reply

    Umm, did “Shrek” happen to be from Brooklyn?
    P.S. call me, I have a blog I’m working on that needs your approval.

    • December 4, 2008 - Reply

      @RiPPa

      HA! No, but I do know a couple of “Fiona(s)” from that area..LMAO!

  14. December 4, 2008 - Reply

    I’ve been in that situation many a times. It’s a little frustrating but of course it’s the other women who are insecure and get pissy when their men look. I let my man look (if he dares) cause I’m not afraid of him going anywhere.

  15. December 9, 2008 - Reply

    That is hilarious. My favorite is when the couple is in the car and you’re crossing the street. He looks at you and she is cursing him out in the car lol.

  16. December 10, 2008 - Reply

    Sweetness, Trust me when I say that dudes are just as bad as females with this jealousy shit. I actually find it encouraging at time when a dude gets jealous of me and his girl talking or being friends or whatever. It lets me know that I’m doing something right being the nice and caring dude that I’m being. But It’s really not called for. If I wanted her, I can HAVE her…but I DON’T. Even if I did, I wouldn’t chase her. I’d make her chase ME!!..but I ain’t slimy like that. GET OVER IT!!!
    “Jealousy is for Women but some Niggas it Bitch Made”.- 50 Cent.
    And give that thang in the video some DECAF!!!

  17. December 15, 2008 - Reply

    Hey Girl, every time I come around these here parts you dont changed it up. It’s flattering getting attn from any man – whether he’s with a woman or not. As long as he doesn’t overstep the boundaries tryna exchange numbers on the low.

  18. January 25, 2009 - Reply

    CLASSIC!! I never get that, how you (the object of the disrespectful man’s glares and stares) are somehow at fault for being you!
    Loved the B Scott too!!
    -OG

    • January 26, 2009 - Reply

      @OG

      two words, insecure heffers…lol

  19. January 26, 2009 - Reply

    “but I refused to let some ugg-mugg and his ‘keeper’ ruin my day of shopping.”
    Almost spit out this energy drink onto my monitor. Every time I go out with an attractive female friend, I notice this side eye ish from other women. Y’all really can’t help yourselves sometimes.lol.

    • January 26, 2009 - Reply

      @Slim Jackson

      LOL @ “can’t help yourselves”…
      negro pls…you almost made me spit out my apple juice with that one lol

  20. December 8, 2009 - Reply

    I'll never understand why the “Fionas” of the world think that someone else wants their GARBAGE…he's not even treating YOU right, why would anyone else want him!

  21. December 9, 2009 - Reply

    I have never been the clingy type. Or the begging type. Shoot, if my man is looking elsewhere, then he's NOT coming home with me. Ladies, stop finding fault with the other woman and look really closely at the person sleeping next to you.

  22. December 9, 2009 - Reply

    I don't understand the mindset of Fiona.. the problem is with Shrek. LOL Deal with that and keep the stank face controlled.

  23. December 9, 2009 - Reply

    Congratulations on being the featured blogger on Blogs Her Color today.

  24. December 9, 2009 - Reply

    !st your post was on point. If your man can't keep his eyes to himself while shopping with you, maybe you don't need him honey!

    2nd I have never heard of B. Scott, but he is hilarious. Love the video…especially “the water.”

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  25. December 9, 2009 - Reply

    Congrats on your BLogs Her Color feature

  26. January 3, 2010 - Reply

    When I read your title, I went somewhere else. I'm very married and very happy with my love. I've always tried to acknowledge Black people when I'm out. I make an effort to smile and sometimes say hello. But damn, do I ALWAYS get the tug on the man's arm from the White women who are with a brotha. lol I at mad at you, White woman. AND I don't want yo man. Damn. Sometimes, if I'm walking WITH my husband and a Black man with a White woman see us coming, she tugs on his arm. “He's mine” kinda bullshit. WTF!!!

  27. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    When I read your title, I went somewhere else. I'm very married and very happy with my love. I've always tried to acknowledge Black people when I'm out. I make an effort to smile and sometimes say hello. But damn, do I ALWAYS get the tug on the man's arm from the White women who are with a brotha. lol I at mad at you, White woman. AND I don't want yo man. Damn. Sometimes, if I'm walking WITH my husband and a Black man with a White woman see us coming, she tugs on his arm. “He's mine” kinda bullshit. WTF!!!

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