Yesha Callahan

October Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month


On top of October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, it is also Domestic Violence Awareness month. I’m sure some people may have known/or know someone who was/is a victim of domestic violence or maybe a victim themselves.The story you’re about to read is about a friend of mine, who I’ll call “Tricia”.

“My mother always told me that no man should ever lay his hands on a woman. My father always told me that any man who hit a woman was one of the biggest cowards to walk the face of the earth. So you’d think I would expect more out of a relationship?

Wrong.

My story is the typical love gone wrong. Sure he seemed like the perfect man. I didn’t want for anything and never had to ask for anything. I loved his family and his family took me in as one of their own. After our 2nd year of dating, we moved in with each other and talks of marriage was always a subject of conversation.

Literally, that night I didn’t know what hit me. Out of the blew, square to the right side of my face, his fist landed.

It was a normal night at home. I cooked dinner and we sat down as usual and ate together. For some reason I could see tension in his face and his usual tone was now monotone. I got up and gathered up the plates and started washing the dishes. As I was washing the dishes, I asked him what was wrong, once again.

“Nothing!”, he snapped back at me.

As I had my back turned to him, he approached me from behind and handed me my cell phone. He pulled up the address book and questioned why did I have my ex-boyfriend’s phone number in it. I explained to him that occasionally we still talk, because we still have a lot of friends in common.

That’s when he hit me.

All I remember was a dish dropping on the floor. He told me I had no reason in talking to him. In between tears I reassured him there was nothing going on. I couldn’t believe what happened. I was in shock. All over my phonebook.

He left the kitchen and went to bedroom and shut the door.

I was now a victim. My life flashed before my eyes. I could either stay or leave. It doesn’t take much for me to fear for my life and I picked leaving. The next day after he left for work, I packed my belongings and left.

He has not heard from me since.”

~Tricia

No one wants to become a statistic but occasionally it may happen to someone. Tricia became a statistic when her once loving boyfriend decided to lay his hands on her. Unlike a lot of women, Tricia didn’t give a second chance. She knew after he hit her that she had to leave. Even though he begged and pleaded, she knew that she didn’t want to take any chances.

Below are some statistics in regards to violence against women:

  • On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day.1
  • 92% of women say that reducing domestic violence and sexual assault should be at the top of any formal efforts taken on behalf of women today.2
  • 1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.3
  • 1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.3
  • 1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, slapped, choked or physically hurt by his/her partner.4
  • As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy. 5
  • Violence against women costs companies $72.8 million annually due to lost productivity.6
  • Ninety-four percent of the offenders in murder-suicides were male.7
  • Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner(spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.7
  • Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a “family annihilator” — a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide.Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well,before killing themselves.7
  • Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.7

Thankfully there are women out there who realize that they don’t have to become a perpetual victim. They realize their own value and potential. For those women out there who continue to allow the abuse happen to them, you can only pray for them and offer them your support.

If you know of anyone who is being abused, pass on this number to them or make the call yourself:

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline answers more than 19,500 calls per month from victims, survivors, friends and family members, law enforcement personnel, domestic violence advocates and the general public. Hotline advocates provide support and assistance to anyone involved in a domestic violence situation, including those in same-sex relationships, male survivors, those with disabilities and immigrant victims of domestic violence. All calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are anonymous and confidential.

1. Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003.
2. Progress & Perils: New Agenda for Women, Center for the Advancement of Women. June 2003.
3. Silverman, Jay G., Raj, Anita, and Clements, Karen. “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality.” Pediatrics, August 2004.
4. Teenage Research Unlimited. Findings from study commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. to investigate the level of and attitudes towards dating abuse among American teenagers aged 13 to 18 [online] 2005 Feb [cited 2006 Mar 20]. Available from: URL:
www.loveisnotabuse.com/statistics_abuseandteens.htm
5. Gazmararian JA, Petersen R, Spitz AM, Goodwin MM, Saltzman LE, Marks JS. “Violence and reproductive health; current knowledge and future research directions.” Maternal and Child Health Journal 2000; 4(2):79-84.
6. Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States. 2003. Center for disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Atlanta, GA/
7. Violence Policy Center (VPC), American Roulette: Murder-Suicide in the United States, April 2006.

  1. July 22, 2009 - Reply

    Damn, two years gone just like that. =( I'm glad she left but sadly many others stay.

  2. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    I appreciate how real and informative your blogs are.
    Maybe it’s because I have never been physically abused but I don’t understand how someone could stay in a situation like that. I had a boyfriend once that just threatened me over the phone. We were arguing and he told me that I was lucky he wasnt there or he’d have slapped the sh!t outta me. And he was serious. That’s all it took – i packed his stuff up and kicked him out of the house.

  3. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    This is a very NEEDED blog, Yesha. I have been in an abusive relationship. Once he couldn't actually “beat me”, he took to verbally, emotionally and mentally abusing me. I'm never ashamed to tell my story. I pray someone knows that ANYONE can be a victim, and you CAN overcome it. It hasn't changed my outlook on love and relationships when it comes to trusting and giving my heart, but it has made me aware of early signs to pay attention to.

    Sadly, like addictions…abuse is something that the victim has to be willing to get out of. THEY have to make the choice to leave and seek help or no one will get through to them. They should always know that someone is there to help them pick up the pieces when they do decide to leave (which is hopefully before someone's life is taken).

    GREAT blog, Doc…

  4. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    love should only hurt if she tries to cook for u and give u indegestion, what u describe is criminal

  5. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    I’ve been there…and it is a helpless feeling. Women SHOULD know they have choices…and once out…the ability to detect the signs of an abusive man. This is a great blog…very informative.

  6. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    I’m so glad Tricia left. There’s absolutely no reason for this to be tolerated. It’s also important to tell young girls/women this as well.

  7. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    Sure! I don't mind at all!

  8. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    I don't know what's worst mental or physical abuse..can't say that I've been in involved an a heavily physical abusive relationship…only one incident..but I handled that on my own..but mental abuse is a whole different story….

  9. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    I like this post. Can I crosspost it over at daddyBstrong?

  10. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    Thank you for posting about this.
    I think I may do a little research of my own and post something also.

  11. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    Women need empowerment. If I have daughters I am gon teach them how to fight. Any children I have will be taught how to fight. But, this is about women. I want my daughters to fight like Gina Carano, bad ass muy thai chick. Imagine some asshole tryin to beat her ass. HA. Let the ass whoopage begin.
    I think it all boils down to how to put up with a bully. The only way to do that is to whooooooop they ass. I did plenty of bully ass whoopin in my day too. The older they get, the more punishment they need. It’s gotta get to the point that a sumbitch wanna rethink his existence on this planet to the point that the next time he even wanna swat a fly, he think twice.
    my2

  12. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    I too have been a victim, by more than one man. I have blogged about it in the past but try not to really think about it anymore since I feel like those days are “behind me.” However, thanks for doing your part to increase awareness. I just found out today that two of my cousins little friends(they’re 35-36, i’m 39, but I still see them as the little teens they used to be…lol) have been abused by their significant other/husband…neither want to leave, one because of the financial security, the other because of her kids. Nobody can make you leave until you’re ready…so I explained that to my cousin and gave her some advice on how to be there when needed and how to not judge. Not easy I know, but very very necessary if you expect any kind of results…

  13. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    Fortunately, I have not been a victim of domestic violence but like many I had two friends who were. Thankfully, they did get out of the relationships before they escalated any further. Their boyfriends couldn’t stand me and the feeling was mutual. While with her boyfriend one friend accused me of being jealous( he told her that I was flirting with him) I told her that if he was on fire I wouldn’t waste my spit to help him. We stopped being friends shortly after that but I am still in contact with her sister and she told me that she had finally left him. My other friend it’s too many stories to list but the short story is her bleeding in my bathroom, him banging on my door, me with my gun( I’m licensed), me calling the cops, him getting arrested, her going back to him 2 days later. She finally did leave her boyfriend a few months later but she started to pull away from all of her friends, she moved without even telling us. Through her family I have learned that she is doing good.
    I’m happy that they did get out before it escalated any further but I’m sad that I lost 2 friends in the process.

  14. October 1, 2009 - Reply

    Any man who beats on a woman is worse than a coward. A woman should be treated as a lady and a queen. A man should never lay a hand on a woman. It’s beyond evil. A woman who had been my aunt ( my uncle – my mother’s brother – had died and she had remarried) was beaten by her second husband. He would beat her to the point of death. She might leave, but she always came back. The only thing that kept her from coming back the last time was being killed in a car accident. I saw how little respect and self esteem she had. She always felt like it was her fault. That she had done something to deserve this. That she wouldn’t find a man who wanted her. Women definitely need to be empowered. They need to be taught to love themselves. Build up your self confidence and self esteem. Never let a man bring you down, never let him hit you, etc. Stand up for yourself because in the end you are the only one who can end it.

  15. October 2, 2009 - Reply

    Great post! I didnt know that this was the theme for October…I might just have to write a post about this subject myself…hmmm….

    L

  16. October 4, 2009 - Reply

    Jail and a gooooooooooooooood Ass Kicking for a dude that hits a Woman!
    Don't stay if it ever goes there Ladies!
    Mista Jaycee

  17. October 4, 2009 - Reply

    Yes, it's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

  18. October 5, 2009 - Reply

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  19. October 10, 2009 - Reply

    Excellent post. Domestic abusers are not only bullies, but family terrorists. Some have serious drug and/or mental health disorders, and many have a long history of bullying others that go back to their childhoods. Some are just warped from the sub-culture that men are entitled to do whatever they please when it comes to women.

    It's tough getting out of these relationships when the woman has limited or little funds, even with the help from social programs. Some abusers are so dangerous that the woman fears for not only her safety, but that of her other children or relatives. Quite a few women end up incarcerated from killing the man who would kill them, and that's really sad.

    I like that you added information for help at the end of this post. The whole thing is very valuable and much needed.

  20. October 10, 2009 - Reply

    Excellent post. Domestic abusers are not only bullies, but family terrorists. Some have serious drug and/or mental health disorders, and many have a long history of bullying others that go back to their childhoods. Some are just warped from the sub-culture that men are entitled to do whatever they please when it comes to women.

    It's tough getting out of these relationships when the woman has limited or little funds, even with the help from social programs. Some abusers are so dangerous that the woman fears for not only her safety, but that of her other children or relatives. Quite a few women end up incarcerated from killing the man who would kill them, and that's really sad.

    I like that you added information for help at the end of this post. The whole thing is very valuable and much needed.

  21. October 18, 2010 - Reply

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  22. October 21, 2010 - Reply

    Any man that would beat a woman is a bully and a coward and deserves twice what he dishes out. Its too damn easy to walk away when you’re mad as opposed to putting your hands on somebody else’s child.

  23. November 11, 2010 - Reply

    My son is being accused of domestic violence by a former girlfriend all they did was argue and she called the police he was arrested and charged. I believe the system is bastardized because all a woman who is scorned has to do is call police as mediation and the man is automatically guilty. His life and the rest of our families lives are ruined. He does not deserve to go to jail and said he would kill himself because of all of this. I am very sad for this sytem. There are legitimate cases out there and is is not one of them. No one cares about the circumstances just that the female called the police, impulsively. She tried to recant but the courts refused. Our lives are ruined because of this system going too far.

  24. November 11, 2010 - Reply

    Big Girls Don’t Cry

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