Yesha Callahan

My Life As A John Legend Song

I truly hate when the start of my week goes to the dogs early on, but I refuse to let it happen, even though it almost did. It’s pretty ironic that I live in an area that has some of the most successful men/women under the age of 40, but yet in still so many of my girlfriends and myself included are single. I’m always amazed at the fact that you can seemingly have everything going for yourself, but in the terms of relationships, things just won’t fall into place the way you want them.

I’m not going to rant & rave about individual people, and I’m not going to lump all men in the same category, but SOME seriously need to realize, that they can’t have their cake and eat it too. I seriously think that there are some men that are genetically challenged and predisposed to malfunctioning in  relationships. You have the ones who seem to be able to cope well in fuckerships but once it’s start to feel too much like a relationship they bail out or start playing the asshole role, so that’ll make you want to bail out. This is so much what I expect from men in their 20’s, but 30’s & 40’s? When will the madness ever stop? I mean damn, do they realize they’re not getting any younger? For example, I have a friend who currently has a ‘live-in’ and I’m not going to delve too much into details, but this man recently had the audacity to tell her, that he still ‘reserves the right to see other women’. WTF. I told her to tell him, that she still reserves the right to ask for rent and/or kick his ass out. Plain & simple.

So as I’m sitting here earlier today, trying not to procrastinate my day off away, low and behold, John Legend’s song, “Another Again” comes on. Great. Just. Great. If this song isn’t the epitome of what I’m going through, I don’t know what is. At one time, I would cry and stress over the situation, but at this point, it’s not even worth it. It comes to a point when you’re “all cried out“. It’s interesting how some people are like drugs (not that I’ve ever taken any). You know drugs aren’t good for you, but when you’re an addict, you can’t help but being drawn to it. In my situation, I know that a certain person will never give me what I want and the type of relationship that I want, but yet in still, because of attraction and familiarity, I’m still drawn to the idea of the ‘infinite possibilities’ of what could be or better yet, what I would like it to be.

Not to leave my girlfriends out of the story, I have friends who are going to drastic extremes by doing things like artificial insemination, because they’ve just about given up on the idea of marriage and starting a family after being married. Basically, they’re on the premise that they’re not getting any younger and may have to take an unconventional route. These are successful women, degreed, homeowners, etc..etc..but trying to find a needle in a haystack seems to be a lot easier than finding a man who not only realizes their worth but his own as well.

What’s a woman to do? Sometimes, I can only laugh at certain situations and blame myself for allowing things to transpire the way they have. A lot of times my girlfriends and I can just have a normal conversation on the phone with laughter one minute but then have tears streaming down our faces the next. It’s days like this where I just want to visit the fertility clinic, pick out my designer sperm and call it a day. It’s a hell of a lot easier than trying to find a man in this haystack called the MD/DC metro area.

 

  1. September 15, 2008 - Reply

    Listen, you and your girlfriends need to lower your standards. I don’t think its the area. I think its you guys. You need to start looking for broke cats who have kids with 5 different women. Trust me, it might not sound like the ideal situation, but you’ll be happy having a man to come home to everyday.
    So what, he ain’t gonna have shit. At least you’ll be happy and not have to worry about dating those sucessful brothas who know they’re a catch. Have you seen some broke down couples lately? Sure they may be dysfunctional, but they stick together and they’re happy.

    • September 15, 2008 - Reply

      @RiPPa

      I can always count on my brother in Memphis to make me laugh! LOL!
      Come on, wasn’t dating a wannabe bouncer bad enough? You see what happened there with my trek into lowering my standards? I don’t think I’ll ever lower my standards again, be there done that, got the tshirt!

      • September 15, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        M-town representing! RiPPa’s got a point… the most fun I had in Memphis was with the ones I knew wouldn’t be “the one”!

        • September 16, 2008 - Reply

          @Sabrina

          I been here in Memphis 2yrs now and I can understand why this city ranks as high asit does nationally with STD’s….
          its all the cats wearing them gold teeth!
          That shit could prolly give a woman a yeast infection just staring at them.

      • September 16, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        Now you know the bouncer was a wannabe so he don’t count. You need to go lower than that cuz homi didn;t have any kids or lived with his mom. See, thats why his ass was frontin like he was the man on the internet.
        LOL

    • September 15, 2008 - Reply

      @RiPPa

      WTF? I dated a waiter, who I discovered was a registered sex offender in the state of Florida and even HE couldn’t get his sh*t together…How much lower can I go from there?

      • September 16, 2008 - Reply

        @Yashieka - The Big Foot Chica

        This dude was one dope charge away from being perfect for you. I’m tellin y’all, lower them standards and be happy. Sure you might have to fight off a few chicks with cheap weaves and shit but hey, he’ll be yours to own.

  2. September 15, 2008 - Reply

    *Sigh* you could’ve taken this discussion right from me and my girlfriends’ mouths.. @RiPPa, your comment was hilarious.. what’s NOT hilarious is that the broke-downs don’t work out, either…

    • September 15, 2008 - Reply

      @Prosechild

      It’s such a shame that women everywhere have convos like that…Rippa was being his normal instigating self..lol

  3. September 15, 2008 - Reply

    Success isn’t synonymous to Love unfortunately sis. =(
    I can relate to the song, and your situation overall because I’ve been there numerous times before. It’s easy said than done, but for self preservation I did what I had to do with them whether it was apologize, delete numbers, distance, hate them in my mind, etc. to bring about closure to the situation… a peace of mind. I want to just give you a big ass hug and take a bite out of some cinnamon/sugary hot dog.
    You shall prevail sis…you shall prevail.

    • September 15, 2008 - Reply

      @Pele

      Believe me, I definitely know the two aren’t synonymous!
      You know, I’ve done everything u’ve pointed out, even in other situations, but there’s always that one person who you just can’t get enough of..no matter what…even through all the bullsh*t with Adrian, and how easy it was to walk away from him, at least he was able to show at least one point that he cared..but his mental illness was a whole different issue…lol

  4. September 15, 2008 - Reply

    Girl..you’re not EVEN trying to go to no fertility clinic. Stop playing. LOL
    I feel you though. It’s a rough world out there for relationships. It’s like a big playground. People are REALLY taking that whole age trend too seriously! (30 is the new 20, 40 the new 30, etc) There comes a time where you have to pick or choose a side. Be a gadabout and sleep with everything that breathes and owns a hole…or decide to be a man and embrace a committed relationship with a woman who deserves a good man.
    Vice versa, too ladies…there’s a fine line between being empowered and emasculating every man that tries to court you!!

    • September 15, 2008 - Reply

      @Kiwi

      Don’t say anything when you become Aunt Kiwi! To some little Black/irish/ Macedonian kid..lol

  5. September 15, 2008 - Reply

    FBC, apparently we need to move to Memphis….you down? It wasn’t like this in the DMV back in the day, I don’t know what happened. You know I understand.

    • September 15, 2008 - Reply

      @CurvyGurl

      We gotta move to the Mid-West where there ain’t much happening…out there..they get married at lik 22! lol..

      • September 15, 2008 - Reply

        @Yashieka - The Big Foot Chica

        Et-eh..no..lol
        I’m here for the long haul, assholes or no assholes..lol

    • September 15, 2008 - Reply

      @CurvyGurl

      No can do..that’s way to south for me..it’s bad enough being from NJ and living down here, that was more than an adjustment.lol

  6. September 15, 2008 - Reply

    You said it…it’s familiar…you know what to expect and what you will get. It still doesn’t excuse his behavior.

  7. September 16, 2008 - Reply

    I just have a different perspective and I think it’s because I have been married and DIVORCED. For me being single is just as much as work if not less than being married and as much as I hope and pray my situation I am in now will turn out ok for me, I am cool if it doesn’t. I guess I’d rather spend my whole life a lone than with someone who is not right for me.
    Only one of my close friends is married with a family and she is a year older with me. Sometimes I think I may end up like many of the women in my family married once and single for the rest of my life. I guess I just don’t take men too seriously and I know ever after isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
    For me I just take my love life like the rest of my life one moment at a time. The biggest change I’ve made is to actually take a chance with my heart with the understanding that I will be able to get through heart ache if is does indeed come, because I am strong and this ain’t my first rodeo.
    I often worry about women who have seemingly managed to master everything but love, and I wonder why. To me I see many of our sisters take this love stuff way to serious too fast. I am an advocate of keeping it casual until you can’t stand it. I guess I should blog on this seeing as I am not anywhere NEAR being done with what I have to say. LOL
    -OG

    • September 17, 2008 - Reply

      @OG

      Hopefully you saw the comment I left on your blog this a.m!

  8. September 16, 2008 - Reply

    Girl I feel you. I am only 22 and live in the DC area. Good men are few and far inbetween so I have a plan b just in case I don’t get married.

  9. September 16, 2008 - Reply

    Noooooooooooo! I don’t wanna hear it. *pout* And only because I’m 25 and experiencing the exact same thing. You telling me this isn’t going to change? EVER? :o(
    I keep saying I’ma move myself down south. And everyday I mean it more and more.

    • September 17, 2008 - Reply

      @Veronica

      I don’t think it even matters where you live any more.

  10. November 19, 2008 - Reply

    I’ll be 25 in two weeks. Now despite my constant denial of the following, I did move to DC, in part, ’cause I just KNEW I’d meet more decent fellas here. HA!
    And, FBC, it’s so sad to know it won’t get any better. I was sure that if I held out long enough I’d find a decent 30 y.o. man. *sigh* I should probably start formulating a plan B of some sort.
    Thanks for the ever-entertaining and ever-insightful blog. It was, literally, a page out of my life.

  11. June 8, 2009 - Reply

    Excellent post! I am in my late twenties and not searching too hard for a spouse but this does little to comfort me although it's reality. I guess dating outside your race and opening more options may be key afterall. I already have the kids so I'm good on the motherly urges 🙂

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