Yesha Callahan

Miss Independent


I can’t say that I was always a fan of Neyo. I’m truly not into R&B/Pop music crooners. Give me some old school Marivn Gaye or even some D’angelo and I’m set. A few months ago I caught Neyo’s performace when he opened for Alicia Keys and I guess after actually seeing him in person, I started to appreciate his talent even more. Yesterday afternoon, HWSRN (he who shall remain nameless) and I were heading back from the Black Family Reunion that was held on the Washington Mall. As he was flipping through radio stations, Neyo’s song, “Miss Independent”, came on. Being that I hardly ever listen to the radio, this was my first time hearing it. After listening to the first few minutes of it, I couldn’t help but to love the song immediately!

What a breath of fresh air!

WOW, a man actually giving props to independent women! Isn’t that a first? Instead of the usual complaints about how women are too independent? Personally, If I was a man, I’d prefer to be with an independent woman. Someone who could carry their own weight and not rely on the man to take care of everything.


Is there a such thing as being too independent? Why/how can a woman’s independence be a turn off to some men? There are women out there who feel that they don’t ‘need’ a man for certain things, and that’s all well and good. But what a lot of women fail to realize is that verbalizing that to men is a complete turn off to some. Where does one draw the line from being independent to being down right arrogant about themselves?

Independently needy is a term I like to use to describe myself. Yes, I’m independent, but, I’m also needy at the same time. I need and crave affection, attention and support from a significant other. No, I don’t need financial support, yes, I have my own career, house, car, etc., etc., but there is more to life than that. Most women will say that they’re looking for a man to complete them, but I need one to compliment me.

In Neyo’s song, “Make Me Better”, he said, “I’m a movement by myself But I’m a force when we’re together“. He’s also making a statement about his own independence, but when coupled with someone else that compliments him, he’s making himself a better man.  I think if more women took this attitude to heart, their independence wouldn’t be looked down upon so much by SOME men.


  1. September 8, 2008 - Reply

    There has to be a happy medium. One shouldn’t be independent to the point of emasculating her man and making him feel obsolete. Neither should her sun rise and set on his ass. LOL Its cool to have material, but *mocking Billy Dee* What is success without someone to share it with?”

    • September 8, 2008 - Reply


      LOL! You went “Mahogany” on me…LOL! Now I think I’ll go and grab a Colt 45..(joking)!

  2. September 8, 2008 - Reply

    I lurve that song. I’m a sucker for Ne-Yo though. When I become fully independent, I’ll let you know how I feel on the subject. I as a youngin’, though not completely independent already encounter negativity towards my generalized “I don’t need you to…” attitude. I’m not impressed with your money, I already have people who would take care of me forever if I let them… Go anything else? LoL.

    • September 8, 2008 - Reply

      @Lisa M. Turtle

      Yeah and if I’m assuming those people are your parents, they won’t ask for any ass in return..LOL!

  3. September 8, 2008 - Reply

    Whew, I could write a book on this but your statement “I need and crave affection, attention and support from a significant other.” sums it up. I refuse to dumb it down so brothas better step it up.

    • September 9, 2008 - Reply


      I truly think a man who is secure is ‘his own’, wouldn’t want a woman to dumb it down. I have male friends who love a smart and independent woman.

      • September 9, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        Send ’em my way, girl…lol 🙂

  4. September 8, 2008 - Reply

    I love Neyo, always have, and I don’t know if I always will but as of right now, right here… I love that guy’s sound. Gotta check out that joint you’re talking about. =0)
    Well… I’m independent and I think my amBITCHiousness is what drives *certain men away and those men are usually pervs that want dummies, traditionalists and lazy SOB’s (feel free to add to the list). So consider your Independence a blessing, cursing men of those types above. I found it weird and conflicting to accept that someone could be threatened or turned off by me simply expressing my ambitions. One of those men happened to have been my ex. He deemed himself to not be an ambitious person, and I couldn’t help but to wonder… what’s the opposite of someone that isn’t ambitious? Lazy? Oh well…
    Anyway, you and I are >>eye to eye<< on this.
    I’m independent but selective.
    Ambitious but compassionate.
    Tough lover but fair.
    Strong by her damn self but like you said… a Positive force when together with Mr. Right.

    • September 9, 2008 - Reply


      You ain’t say nothing that wasn’t the truth! Your ex wasn’t secure in himself from the get-go. I think he thought that you could be the ‘man’ in the relationship (we both know u got more bass in your voice than he’ll ever…Never let someone dim your flame of ambition, if they can’t deal with your light and appreciate it, oh well, shine on elsewhere.

      • September 9, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]


  5. September 8, 2008 - Reply

    The Independent Black Woman…a topic that can never be beat into the ground. As a male, there’s definitely a happy medium on this one. One of my homegirl’s wrote a blog entry dedicated to the Independent Black Woman, and some of the flaws that come with it. Check out her entry at
    I think you’ll be intrigued by what you read.

    • September 9, 2008 - Reply

      @Slim Jackson

      Personally, I think independency is universal..whether you’re black or white…it’s just that black women have to scream their independence because of the lack of recognition they feel they get sometimes.

  6. September 9, 2008 - Reply

    First off…Neyo is Gay! So I’m not feeling him as for singing some shit like that. He’s just trynna throw y’all off with that song
    But seriously, I feel what you’re saying. Women mistake female empowerment for independence. Black women especially do this, and yet they wonder why nobody is marrying them.
    Its cool to have the sense or be concious of your ability to provide for yourself financially and all of that. But at the end of the day, its these same independent chicks who cry themselves to sleep, and end up continously fuckin themselves messin with loser type dudes.

    • September 9, 2008 - Reply


      Gay or not, I love the song..and the man knows how to wear a nice suit as!
      Now I’m not going to get into the issue of why people aren’t marrying black women, that’s a whole ‘nother blog in itself.

    • September 9, 2008 - Reply



  7. September 9, 2008 - Reply

    Well, RIPPa I don’t think Ne-yo is gay. I think he just pissed somebody off and they started that terrible rumor. But anyway, my sis is one of those egoistical, severely independent black women who claims she never needs a man. She claims she can do it all on her own. But this is just not true. I don’t care how independent a woman may think she is, a good man can always make her better. That’s the beauty of a successful marriage, the couple learns how to work together and make the most out of life.

    • September 9, 2008 - Reply


      “….I don’t care how independent a woman may think she is, a good man can always make her better…”
      Maybe one day your sister will get that concept!

  8. September 9, 2008 - Reply

    A first time indeed as far as biggups to the independent woman… the video was done so well too… maybe it will teach some men not to be intimidated by us now and embrace us… The remix is killer too… with Jamie Foxx and Fabolous.

  9. September 9, 2008 - Reply

    I am an independent woman, but trust me when I say it’s not by choice. You think I won’t take advantage of an opportunity to have someone else pay my bills while I did whatever I wanted? Yes, it feels “empowered” to know that I can take care of myself, but I would give that power to someone else in a second if it would free up my time to volunteer, travel the world, and shop! Yeah, you can do that now, but the volunteering is either around your job’s schedule or with your job, after you travel the world you come back to work only to get fired because you didn’t have that many vacation days, and most times (especially for us working mothers) your shopping list includes groceries, laundry detergent, and stamps to pay those pesky bills! So to the ladies that say they can do it all by themselves I say, why would you want to? And that goes for the “I don’t need a man” thing either. Again, sure you can do that by yourself, but why would you want to!

  10. September 19, 2008 - Reply

    I finished writing a blog about this song today, and I definitely appreciate the message within it. I think finding a happy medium is important for the Independent woman, you know..not needing him there..but wanting him there with you side by side. I definitely enjoy reading your blog!!

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