Yesha Callahan

If Loving You Is Wrong

………I don’t wanna be right! Luther, Luther, Luther (Ingram, not Vandross), I swear, you wrote that song with me in mind, even though it was YEARS before I was even born. I’m sure everyone has had one of those instances once or twice during their life, where you know that the person you are madly in love with:

  • Doesn’t love you back
  • Doesn’t even know how you feel about them
  • Isn’t the right person for you or….
  • Takes advantage of your feelings

I am by far no relationship expert, and have never claimed to be. I’ve just had my share of  good and bad relationships. I chalk up the bad ones as lessons in life and tend to think everything is a learning experience. I’ve loved hard and hated even harder at times. I’ve been the other woman, confronted the other woman, confronted the girlfriend when I was the other woman, been confronted by the other women, etc..etc..been there done all of those, got the t-shirt.

On the flipside, I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve played the same games men have played on me. I took notes early on, when watching how my uncles operated in their relationships. I guess you can say, they taught me the tricks of their ‘trade’. My grandmother used to tell me that I thought like a ‘man’, but I always took that as her way of asking if I was a lesbian..lol.  When I look back at the times I cheated in two of my relationships, I asked myself if it was worth it. I can honestly say, physically, yes it was worth it, but emotionally, it wasn’t. 

I remember one occasion in particular, where I felt so guiltly about cheating on someone that at the time, his friends were throwing him a birthday party in NYC, and he was so excited that I would be there, but I didn’t show up. He never heard back from me again. It wasn’t until 3 years later, that I got the balls to apologize to him. The hurt that was still in his voice after talking about the day I never showed up to his birthday party, will always remain in my head.

When I think about it, I don’t know what’s worst, being the cheater or being cheated on. I guess each takes it’s toll on a person differently. Needless to say, I am by no means ever going to be the ‘perfect’ woman in a relationship, or find a man who’s remotely near perfect. I think all of my karmic dues have been paid in full, so hopefully nothing will come back to bite me in the ass again! Maybe one day, I can rewrite Luther’s song and make it my own, “Loving You Is Right, It’ll Never Be Wrong”

 

 

 

 

Luther Ingram~ If Loving You Is Wrong

(although he was singing about his extra-marital affair, the song is universal to all types of relationships)

  1. October 5, 2008 - Reply

    We have a lot in common in this respect. I feel the same way about paying the dues in full. The “is it really worth it?” thought keeps me from doing some of the stupid tail stuff I used to. I think I’d change the title of my song to “If Loving You Is Wrong, Why Can’t You Still Do RIght?” 🙂

    • October 5, 2008 - Reply

      @CurvyGurl

      I’m hoping my dues have been paid, b/c I can’t take the repercussions any more!

  2. October 5, 2008 - Reply

    I have been on both sides of the coin when it comes to relationships, I used to be quite a scandalous chick, once I cheated on someone that really cared about with their cousin. I don’t think I have ever felt worse, the cheating was my cop out to get out of the relatiosnhip instead of just being up front that the feelings were not mutual. I feel bad for the chick that dated him after me, I want to find that sister and tell her sorry, lol…. (karma whooped me thouroughly for that by the way)

    • October 5, 2008 - Reply

      @Naturally Alise

      Oh believe me, karma has whooped me more than once, and it was the worst whoopings ever!

  3. October 5, 2008 - Reply

    hmph..
    shame on you madam
    lucky we ain’t muslims in the middle east. whoop yo ass lol

    • October 5, 2008 - Reply

      @Anthony Taurus

      that’s the comment you were stressing over about posting? LOL! Shame on you!
      Yeahyeahyeah, I never said I was an angel!

  4. October 6, 2008 - Reply

    The older you are the more your conscious seems to get the best of you. It’s just the way the wind blows. We all have moments when you look back on things and say “dayum… why did i do that!!” Growth is evident simply by the fact that you’re able to identify and learn from the experience. It’ll get better and you’ll become awesome. I have:)

  5. October 9, 2008 - Reply

    I too have “been there done that,” and had it done back to me and I think that being cheated on hurts far worse, nonetheless, both still hurt really badly especially if you have any kind of a conscious.
    Whats funny also is how everybody has “that song” that they can relate a specific relationship to. I guess it just goes to show that people have more similarities than differences. My ex bf and I used to both listen to a certain song and get completely quiet. One particular day after the song finished playing we both just looked at each other. We both knew that we were in deep thought about a previous relationship during the song and had zoned completely out, but neither of us said a word. And after that day, it never happened again.

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