Yesha Callahan

Communicable Diseases

miscommunication

com·mu·ni·ca·ble adj.

  1. Transmittable between persons or species; contagious: communicable diseases.
  2. Readily communicated: communicable ideas.
  3. Talkative.

 
Usually when you read about ‘communicable disease’ it’s in regards to exactly what it states, ‘diseases’. But I think it reaches even farther than that. In my opinion (gotta put the disclaimer before ppl jump down my throat), I believe miscommunication is a “communicable disease”, especially in relationships/friendships/fuckerships..whatever the situation that causes a need for COMMUNICATION. Miscommunication between men and women is a well known fact. So you’ll always have a battle of the sexes on who communicates better, men vs. women.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that women communicate better than men or vice versa, but I will say the lack of proper communication is what can definitely kill any type of relationship. Communication should not consist of vague-ity, devauling a person’s question, lies/half-truths/omission of information..etc..etc. I remember someone telling me recently ,”Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to”…If questions are asked, they’re asked for a reason. To devalue a question is not a form of communication.

I think that emotional intelligence and maturity plays a huge role in effective communication. Emotional intelligence isn’t always synonymous with age though. I know 8 yr old kids who communicate better than some grown women and men. If you look at the interactions with kids, they’re no holds barred when it comes to how they communicate their feelings. They say what they have to say.

Once people rid themselves of the communicable disease of miscommunication, maybe more relationships, no matter what type they are, will thrive and grow. What’s your approach in communication?  Does gender play a role in who communicates better?

  1. June 12, 2009 - Reply

    One thing I've learned over time is that no one can consistently lie or mis-communicate. Their words might give the truth away, but usually it's their behavior, their actions. For that reason, I don't find communication very challenging with either sex. I just don't listen to the words. Yes, I hear them, but I watch behavior, listen to the tone of voice, body language, looking for inconsistencies, and signs of untruth, apprehension, fear, and defensiveness.
    Honestly, I can say that in the last year, I've been focusing on what I don't hear and it speaks volumes. For example, I remember meeting a 44 year old guy and upon first meeting, he told me he was moving over the weekend because his landlord had sold the property. Upon hearing this, I assumed he was a divorcee with several children. No, he never told me, but most 44 year old men in his profession would most likely be home owners. Later, without asking, I found out this was true.
    I know some women say that they don't understand men, but usually they are very clear with what they want. No, they might not just say, I only want to have sex, but "I'm just kickin it" or "looking for fun" are usually good clues. If you ask him about his vision, passion, or future, and he has no clue, he's probably not looking for a serious committment.
    I know some people think women communicate better than men, but as i sitting here typing, I'm not sure if that's always true. It's often women who say one thing and do another. It's often us women who keep quiet, holding things in, instead of asking for what we want. …..
    I won't go on. That's just my two cents.

  2. June 12, 2009 - Reply

    It's all about communication in a relationship, any kind of relationship. I get so sick of people that lie, and like you said, I just can't stomach the "lying by omission" that seems to happen more and more the older I get.
    Why can't we just all get along?

  3. June 13, 2009 - Reply

    I don't believe that grown, intelligent people actually have difficulty in the actual communication. The problem is that most men and some women are allergic to the truth.

  4. July 22, 2009 - Reply

    I think the biggest problem between men/female relationships, particularly black men and women, is that men lie. It's not even like they are trying to say one thing and it comes out the wrong way…NO men are telling bold faced lies knowingly. Of course, women like too but at least in my age group, men are the one's doing most of the lying. Whereas, female problems in the communication area are that we say one thing and do another. Like we tell our men that if they do this there will be consequences but then we don't stick to our world and give in to their apologies. Or we don't make it clear what we are looking for in the beginning. So we are looking for one thing while the man in interest is looking for something entirely different.

  5. July 23, 2009 - Reply

    I think the biggest problem between men/female relationships, particularly black men and women, is that men lie. It's not even like they are trying to say one thing and it comes out the wrong way…NO men are telling bold faced lies knowingly. Of course, women like too but at least in my age group, men are the one's doing most of the lying. Whereas, female problems in the communication area are that we say one thing and do another. Like we tell our men that if they do this there will be consequences but then we don't stick to our world and give in to their apologies. Or we don't make it clear what we are looking for in the beginning. So we are looking for one thing while the man in interest is looking for something entirely different.

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