Yesha Callahan

Bitch Is Not The New Black & Steve Harvey Needs To Stick To Comedy

I swear to god & all of his disciples, if I hear someone else mention to me the news piece that was done last week in regards to the high percentage of black women not being married, I’m going to scream. I’m so tired of hearing about the plight of the black woman when it comes to dating and marriage. I’m also tired of seeing a comedian turned relationship expert, who has a noted history of cheating on his wives providing his ‘expert’ analysis of the ‘epidemic’. If you let Steve Harvey tell it, the standards that black women have are too high, hence why they’re single. Well, let me be the first to say, “Fuck You Steve Harvey”.  Let me also add, if someone else mentions the book, “Bitch Is The New Black”, by Helena Andrews,  I might just hit them upside the head with Steve Harvey’s garbage book.

Here’s a simple solution to the “Why Black Women Aren’t Married” crisis (sic), that’s been beaten like a dead horse over the past couple of weeks.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.  You’re probably saying, “Well what about black love?”.

My response, “Well what about people love?”.

Unlike the news piece that aired about two weeks ago, I’m not going to mention the statistics they used against black men, because we all know, the reason why those were mentioned. In my own experiences, I can’t say that I know a plethora of black men who are uneducated, incarcerated, gay, on drugs, or already married.  The black men I know, are successful, college educated, financially responsible, and employed. But, guess what. They’re exercising their options when it comes to dating!  They’re out there dating the Kim & Khloe Kardashians, Eva Mendes’ & whatever other non-black female they can get their hands on, and they’re making no qualms about it.  Now, I’m not advocating for black women to go out & throw themselves at any non-black man that comes their way, or  to even stop dating black men in general. Don’t run out and sign up for JDATE like some desperate self-hating black women do and end up  finding themselves fulfilling some white man’s antebellum fantasy. What I am advocating is keeping your options open, because black men surely are.

I’d also like to know why is it now a crime to be single? Why is it presumed that all black women are rushing to the alter? I don’t see news shows asking white women why they find themselves not to be marriage material. Want to know why? Because, no one makes a fuss if a white woman has high standards!  I guess it’s a given that they’re supposed to have them. But god forbid a black woman is single, and she makes her preferences known and her standards happen to be ‘high’, she’s basically told she’s reaching for the unattainable. Double standard much?

Black women, keep your high standards, but also realize that you may have to work harder than the average white chick to find the man you want.  Also, in keeping your high standards, it doesn’t mean you have to become that ‘bitch’. For the record, bitch is not the new black.  Bitch can come in all genders & races. Don’t let some bitter black chick, throw that label on you and make money off of it. Coming from a person who’s had her fair share of bad relationships, and who’s been called a bitch, I’ve tried over the past couple of years not to become that ‘bitch’. In the words of Queen Latifah, “Who you callin’ a bitch?”.

Lastly, if you must read a book about relationships between black men & women, please read Hill Harper’s book, “The Conversation: How Black Men & Women Can Build Loving Relationships”, and use Steve Harvey’s & Helena Andrews’ books for more suitable things, like kindling for a fireplace.

  1. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    My sentiments exactly.

  2. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    so i've been reading your site for months, and i'm compelled to say you are “ON POINT” with this post!

  3. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    I've been a lurker forever as well and had to come out of lurkdome to say thank you for this post.

  4. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    You know how it goes…if they talk about it enough, then eventually (to them) it becomes true!

  5. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    Amen, amen.

    I'll toast to that.

    If black women would stop buying (literally) into the madness, they'd stop reporting it, writing about it and telling it.

    This post made me think of a guy I went to high school with. I ran into him while I was home, and I spent a lot of time thinking to myself (as we talked) that I could NOT figure out how he wasn't in a serious relationship. This guy is THE guy I hear all my friends say they want. I know he's not an anomaly, so where's the crisis, exactly? I imagine the fact that he doesn't frequent the “typical” places to meet people plays into it…

    I heard later that he ran into an ex of his (who's a former friend of mine) and she was all over him. I hope he gave her the side-eye from hell, because she had her shot and blew it 1000 times over.

    You are very right — we must keep our standards and quit listening to foolishness. What we want is out there, we just need to go looking for it.

  6. January 4, 2010 - Reply


  7. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    I feel the same exact way. Thank you for this post. We as women need to just stick to our guns and concentrate on building and engaging ourselves in the things that we want to do. Or else we can run into a problem when meeting Mr. Right-Now instead of Mr. Right!!!
    I still have yet to read Steve Harvey's book; I am still not even thinking about reading that book. Why??? Well, why should I? I am content with being Single and concerned about myself and my walk in this society.

    Great post!!!!

  8. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    I feel the same exact way. Thank you for this post. We as women need to just stick to our guns and concentrate on building and engaging ourselves in the things that we want to do. Or else we can run into a problem when meeting Mr. Right-Now instead of Mr. Right!!!
    I still have yet to read Steve Harvey's book; I am still not even thinking about reading that book. Why??? Well, why should I? I am content with being Single and concerned about myself and my walk in this society.

    Great post!!!!

  9. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    I concur.

    I for one do not limit myself to a particular racial criteria. Nor do I consider my standards to be too high. They are just what they “standard”. I dont ask of anyone what I cannot bring to the table myself.

    I have plenty of young professional black males in my family and those soon to be professional black males in my family. I know plenty of HS and College black male friends who are suitable for dating, so I know they're out there.

  10. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    I love this!!! I will repost!!!!!!!!!!

  11. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    Thank you!!! I am newly single and your post makes so much more sense to me then the idea of reading Steve Harvey (and he was on that crappy piece ABC did) the comedian who wrote a book he knows nothing about.

  12. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    Thanks for the comment! Glad you enjoy site!

  13. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    you're welcome! feel free to share it, as well! i see you're in the dmv area also!

  14. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    That's another issue…the 'typical' places…more women need to hang out at home depot..instead of the clubs…etc..etc..

    I dont' understand how some black women can buy into the madness so easily..I have one man, who's a known cheater giving advice..then you have another women who says she's 'mean'..etc..etc…people need to stop looking towards others to either solve their problems or give them more reasons to make their problems larger than life.

  15. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    The “Mr. Right-Nows” of the world definitely have their place..but you can't turn a MRN into a Mr. Right…and that's what I think ppl mistake the mistake of trying to do

  16. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    “I don't ask of anyone what I cannot bring to the table myself”


    That's what I've always told people..I don't expect anything that I can't dish out.

  17. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    Thanks, San!

  18. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    I just can't figure out why ppl give him so much air time?!? It's ridiculous, there are so many other 'credible' and I use that term lightly, relationship 'experts' (more lightly being used) out there!

  19. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    Don't read that book, Viv. You sound like you have common sense. He makes some valid points, but it's common sense; don't pay him to tell you what plenty of people will tell you for free on these here innawebs.

  20. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    Commonsense shouldn't have to cost $24.95 (or whatever he was selling that book for)…lol

  21. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    Damnit you've just said EVERYTHING I've been thinking and/or saying for the past few months, especially in regards to Andrews' book. I read an article about her in the WaPo and was highly upset because she obviously didn't have a clue especially walking around proud to be labeled as being a Bitch, even after when she asked a co-worker why none of her other co-workers spoke to her in the mornings and the response was .. bascially because she's a bitch.

    This whole topic unnerves me, especially as I'm a relationship (but single cause I'm not married).. black.. and a mom. I actually thought we were “off that” since the Oprah “summit” on her show from '08 in which stats were quoted and she delievered the crushing news that the kind of man that these (I guess) man hunters want is simply “unavailable” That footage is actually on one of my blogs. Obviously there were those who missed the memo.

    Who sold us.. our fellow sistas this dream of being married – to a black man with all these creditials – with kids and dog and a house in the suburbs or if in the city in a fashionable brownstone in the high rent district? Who is selling it and why are we buying it? Why can't we just be happy with each day that we gain knowledge, love for ourselves and others, thankful for the many blessings bestowed despite our personal failures knowing we probably didn't truly deserve the blessing, but God still looked out for us (fools and babies)
    Why can't we celebrate with those that matter…. the friendships we've formed, the family that does have our back and for those of us who are single parents… relish in our children?

    Ok.. I've said enuff…. LOL

  22. January 4, 2010 - Reply

    I couldn't agree more. I am so sick of this marriage panic! I'm sick of the statistics, I'm sick of the anti-black woman propaganda, I'm just sick of the bullshit. I wish people would stop stereotyping and finger pointing enough to realize that marriage is not the end all to be all. If you wanna get married, fine. If you don't, that's fine too. Just stop shoving it down our throats. I'm only 20 years old, why should I be worried about finding a husband anytime soon? My grandmother and grandfather were married when they were in their late 30s-early 40s, adopted my mom and uncle and lived happily until my grandfather died in almost 2 years ago. My mom and dad would have been married 20 years if he hadn't died as well. I have had great examples. Neither ever went to college but you didn't see them compromise themselves to get a man and I will not either. I'm not putting a time limit on my happiness. Good grief! I might just write a blog post on this horseshit.

  23. January 6, 2010 - Reply

    […] *Side Bar: a twitter bud and fellow blogger wrote an interesting piece the other day addressing the so-called crisis among single black women and the dating world. She perfectly said everything I’ve been saying verbally and wanted to say some more!!! Check it @ Fungkeblakchik’s spot on the net.* […]

  24. January 8, 2010 - Reply

    No you did NOT say JDate, bwahahahaha!


  25. January 9, 2010 - Reply

    No you did NOT say JDate, bwahahahaha!


  26. January 9, 2010 - Reply

    well it's true…lol
    it's always the most pitiful looking chicks trying to throw themselves at white

  27. January 11, 2010 - Reply

    The sound of sound reasoning, good judgment and discernment is refreshing. Relying on 'advice' from a known womanizer makes as much sense as – to borrow my Dad's favorite saying – as going to a bald barber to learn how to grow hair. Thank you for encouraging women to think for themselves, use critical analysis of the agenda of the sources of 'information' and stand by the courage of their convictions.

  28. January 16, 2010 - Reply

    Sorry to burst everyone's bubble but the majority of non Black men, do not go for Black women. So eventually the Black race will die out.

  29. January 16, 2010 - Reply

    Sorry to burst your bubble Ms. Anon, from the UK with the IP address of using, sky broadband…that'll never happen 🙂

  30. January 16, 2010 - Reply

    I mean you just spent 25 min reading my posts…and that's the best comment you can come up with *try again* 🙂

  31. January 16, 2010 - Reply

    I completely agree with you
    fung'ke…. im only 20 and when
    I talk to many of my female friends
    we all talk about how we have to
    just start being more open to other
    races as black women.. the numbers
    unfortunately are not there for us to rely
    solely on getting a black man.

    we have to do like them and just
    seek love in all races

    great post i agree with the whole
    bitch thing also…
    (sidebar)i think its soo unkooth
    for women to openly each other that

  32. January 23, 2010 - Reply

    I just found your blog and I'm already lovin' it. Keeping it 100.

  33. July 3, 2010 - Reply

    I thought dating was a young man’s game. Guess I was mistaken!

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