No matter how prosperous a man was, if he was unable to rule his women and his children (and especially his women) he was not really a man ~Chinua Achebe, “Things Fall Apart”
These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind for me. So much going on and very little time. My days seem to fly by and end at the blink of an eye. Currently I’m juggling my full-time career and also running my own company. I’ve tried to spend equal time on both and not to develop a conflict of interest, but that seems pretty hard to do being that both are directly related in some form.
In any event, I will survive.
This week has proven to be a week of trial and tribulations for several of my friends. As I’m about to embark on a monumental event in my life in 2 weeks, seemingly their relationships have fallen apart at the seams. When I think I’ve heard it all, there’s always something else to top it.
Everything from infidelity, mental/verbal abuse, being unsatisfied and countless other issues have plagued some of my favorite friends. I have a friend from high-school & undergrad who was married two years ago, just had a baby last year and tomorrow, while her husband is away on a business trip, she’s simply leaving him a note, that he’ll read when he returns on Sunday. But, she’ll already be back in New Jersey.
I spoke to her briefly over the past couple of days and the anguish and frustration in her voice made me want to break down and cry with her. In all of my years of knowing her, I’ve never could imagine hearing her sound so helpless. The only thing I could muster up to tell her is that she has to be strong and do what she feels is best for her & her daughter. I swear, sometimes I think mental/verbal abuse is far worst than physical abuse. The strong, secure, outspoken, jovial woman I once knew, is now about as meek as a mouse and insecure about herself.
She wasn’t the only one who broke down while I was speaking with them this week. My cousin who is currently going through a separation from her husband also had an episode yesterday. We were having a seemingly humorous conversation and she brought up the fact that during a recent conversation with her husband in regards to working on their ‘friendship’ for the sake of their two kids, that he basically told her, that she’ll never be able to be as good of a friend as his “current” girlfriend, who actually was one of her bridesmaids. So in the middle of ordering at the McDonald’s drive-thru window, she started crying. That was another first. In our adult years together, never once have I heard or seen her cry. She feels as though she’s been beaten down and made to feel worthless. She’s been with him for 13 yrs, they have 2 children together, the youngest is a year old and he actually talked her into having another child which was something she didn’t want to do b/c of certain health issues. During birth, she almost died and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. But still, her husband says, she could never be his friend.
Last night I spoke to my significant other and we talked about my cousin and friend. He heard the trepidation in my voice in regards to their failed relationships and our relationship. He told me that no ones relationship is ever going to be perfect, which I certainly know, but it’s up to the two people involved in it to make it a peaceful and honest relationship and where there is peace & honesty, there won’t be turmoil. Some things will inevitably fall apart, but it’s up to the person, to not let it destroy them in the long run.