Yesha Callahan

Let Ciara And Russell Wilson’s Relationship Be A Lesson On The Importance Of Patience And Timing

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Some of everybody has thoughts on Ciara and Russell Wilson’s relationship these days and, yes, I’m about to add an additional one to the mix — but not on the topic that everyone else has been talking about. While the masses, aka, haters, have been questioning whether it’s too soon for Future Jr. to be nuzzling up to what very well appears to be his future step-daddy, I’m concerned with how many of us are repeating Ciara’s mistakes right now in our own relationship and singlehood journeys. That is, how many of us women are permanently altering our lives with temporary partners for fear our true “Mr. Right” may never come along?

Though, obviously, none of us can say at this point whether Ciara and Russell will make it last forever, the odds certainly look good. If not for the fact that the two appear to be joined at the hip, then for the declaration that they’ve decided to put God first in their relationship and sex last, which is a pretty good place to start if you’re a christian. For that reason, I feel happy for the pair — as happy as you can feel for people you don’t really know — but equally sad that Ciara publicly kissed so many frogs (and is now forever attached to one a la Future Jr.) and the baggage she has to bring into this union.

Ci Ci recently talked to Noisey UK and offered this insight on what she’s learned about men over the course of her career:

“I think that the one thing that’s important for a man when it comes to love is just timing. And that’s true for men and women. When it comes to love, females… we’re more likely to be more sensitive and allow ourselves to be more vulnerable. Guys, they’re used to being a little more fearful when it comes to love. I think when they decide to open up to love it’s really about timing, and what’s going on in their lives and when they want to. You can’t force anybody to love, they have to want to do that themselves. I think men are very simple. We are way more complicated beings, as females.”

While Ciara’s perspective isn’t particularly novel, what’s missing is the realization and the acknowledgement that often a woman’s decision to love is also based on timing and fear. It’s just that while men pump the breaks because of those factors, they tend to motivate us to move full steam ahead. The fear we feel is the doubt that we’ll ever find the person we’re supposed to spend the rest of our lives with and our biological clocks make timing a constant concern, not just for those who want to be mothers but others who also want to escape the label of old maid.

When I look at Ciara’s romantic history, I can’t help but speculate that when she started dating Future at nearly 28 years old she was not only fed up with being done wrong by so many past suitors, she was also more than ready to be a mother and someone’s wife — even if everything about that someone indicated he wasn’t the right one. None of us know Future personally, but we can say from the outside looking in that having three children by three different women at the time he met Ciara wasn’t a good sign and the way he’s carried on since the termination of their relationship confirms as much. Something about his demeanor and brashness when speaking about calling off their engagement tells me he didn’t sell Ciara a bill of goods, but rather she overlooked his true character in favor of trying to finally have every after. And that would be fine if we were just talking about a broken heart and hurt feelings as the only residual of this relationship, but now a child is involved and, the situation has gotten a bit contentious, to say the least.

Whenever I see pics of Ciara and Russell together I think, man if only she knew ‘the one’ was right around the corner. If only she would’ve held out hope that she could find a man who would respect her and be a hands-on father to a future child, and share in her religious convictions. If only she would’ve had that realization before permanently tying herself to someone who now it seems only serves to pour salt in the wound of what is the demise of their relationship. And then I remind myself that I need to let Ciara’s current relationship be a lesson for me in those dark hours of desperation, anxiety, and loneliness where anybody seems better than nobody and my biological clock is clicking more loudly than the notifications on Tinder, and the person in front of me who I know isn’t good enough starts to look as though he is.

Whatever timetable of acceptable behavior Russell, Ciara, and Future are trying to work out (very publicly) really isn’t any of our business. But since it’s out there for the world to see, let their blended family triangle of messiness be a warning that some dysfunction is avoidable and you can lessen the odds of experiencing so much of it when you don’t let fear of time running out convince you to enter into and stay in relationships, not to mention procreate, with people who are no good for you.

  1. August 5, 2015 - Reply

    When you settle for less than you deserve, you end up getting even less than that.

    Had someone tell me yesterday my standards were too high and I told them, they were not too high at all. Rather too many black males have sank so low that decency, morals, character, integrity, honesty etc seems like too tall an order and that too many women have settled for that, don’t require much of anything.
    Sad state of affairs.

  2. August 5, 2015 - Reply

    Great article. The best thing a woman can do is throw away the proverbial “timeline” that is often placed on us by society. To many of us get caught up with I need to marry and be a mother by such and such age or I am *insert age* and I am single so I better find what I can get and make it work especially black women because you know they love to do studies on us saying “how single we are, less desirable or not getting married” compared to other women so often time we play into that fear. Don’t let loneliness or fear drive you to get a with a person you know don’t down you don’t belong with because that never last. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with being single and dating. For some reason being single has become the new scarlet letter.

  3. August 5, 2015 - Reply

    This was a very good and thought-provoking article.

  4. August 5, 2015 - Reply

    Agreed. I know many women who settle because of their clocks ticking. However even if you do everything right you could still end up having to co-parent in an acrimonious situation with someone you thought would have the decency to keep your personal matters out of their mouths.

  5. August 5, 2015 - Reply

    Certainly, this article will cause people to think about the real qualities that make relationships work like patience and compatibility. Some people view being single as a curse, but being single is a choice. It is not a curse. No one should be ashamed of being single and searching for love at all. There are numerous pictures of Ciara and Russell Wilson enjoying each other’s company, smiling, and just having fun. One great point about the article is that it mentioned the fact that love can never be forced. No one can force someone to truly love another person. It must come into existence voluntarily and in a real fashion. Love is definitely related to authenticity. I wish the best for the relationship between Ciara and Russel Wilson. They are spiritual people and they love each other a great deal.

  6. August 5, 2015 - Reply

    I really am rooting for Ciara and Russell

    • August 6, 2015 - Reply

      @Mary Burrell

      Honestly, I’ve been thinking that they are a PR relationship but seeing the ridiculous and flabbergasting backlash they are getting from people seemingly obsessed with everything they do publicly, I’m rooting for them either way.

  7. November 5, 2015 - Reply

    Well said and very introspective

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