Yesha Callahan

What Can Brown Do For You?

By “BROWN” I mean UPS.

And to answer my own question, absolutely fucking nothing! Especially if after a week, they can’t seem to find my house.
Here’s a recent convo:
Me: I’m tracking a package that was supposed to be delivered days ago.
UPS: Ma’am may I have your tracking number.
Me: Sure.
UPS: It seems as though we have the wrong address.
Me: (I repeat my address)
UPS: Yes, that’s the address we have, but it’s incorrect.
Me: Hmm, since I’ve been living here since Aug, I doubt that it’s incorrect and I see UPS drivers on this street all throughout the day.
UPS: Ma’ am is it a new street?
Me: No, it’s not a new street.
UPS: How long has the street been there?
Me: You can’t be serious? Considering my house is about 20 yrs old, I would suspect around 20 yrs!
UPS: Ok, hold please.
Me: Sure.

UPS:
Ma’am it seems as though the driver got lost. But you can always come pick it up at our distribution center.
Me: Negative. I’m not travelling to your center b/c of a drivers lack of navigational skills. So I will expect to have a driver who’s well equipped with mapquest and my package within the next two days.
UPS: I understand ma’am, please hold. (holds for a few min.)

UPS:
Ma’am what is your correct address?
Me: The ADDRESS YOU HAVE IN THE SYSTEM IS CORRECT!
UPS: Hold one second please. (holds for a few more min.)
UPS: You’ll have your package by Monday evening.
Me: Thank you (hangs up)
Today is Monday. I went to check my mail earlier this afternoon. Low & behold, there’s a postcard from UPS that was sent on Saturday stating that they could not deliver my package because of an ‘incorrect’ address. Now, why the hell would they send a postcard to the WRONG address????
As of 4:15 pm, I’m still waiting for my package.
Damn, where’s Fed Ex when you need them!!

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