Yesha Callahan

Warn the Town A Beast is Loose!

The turkey’s have started a Jihad at my house! Yesterday morning my son & nephew looked at their window and started yelling about these 3 big birds they saw outside, just sitting on the bench. At first I didn’t pay any attention until they yelled that they were “HUGE” with red heads and one had just pooped on the bench. Immediately, I said to myself, “WTF” and then ran to my bedroom window.

Outside there were 3 huge turkey vultures just sitting in my backyard. Needless to say I was thorougly disgusting. Typically turkey vultures only come out when there are dead carcasses around. I figured there must have been either a dead deer or a dead racoon in the woods behind my house.

Calling animal control proved to be a waste of time b/c they don’t handle wildlife. So I attempted to reach the State of Marylands Wildlife Reserve’s office. Of course, their emergency line was closed on weekends. I guess they figure wildlife only bother people during the week. Eventually I found a listing of contractors who worked through the Wildlife Reserve. When I was able to get one on the phone, he quotes me $500 just to come out! Hell fucking no! If I could get my hands on a gun, I’d shoot them myself, is what I thought to myself.

Around 11 a.m. I hear a banging at my front door, which pissed me off even more. Why the hell is someone banging on the door when there’s a perfectly working doorbell button??!?! My sister answers the door, she’s greeted by a police officer. Why the hell did a fucking neighbor call the cops b/c of the turkey vultures they saw on top of the house??? The cop is questioning my sister, asking her if everything is Ok.

No officer, we have 3 dead carcasses in my living, hence the turkey vultures in the backyard!

I swear, I wish I knew who called the police. They’d definitely get an earful from me! In any event, seemingly the nasty turkey vultures seem to have left this morning. I guess they finished eating whatever dead animal they found in the woods. How appetizing!



  1. November 26, 2007 - Reply

    Thank you for my holiday laugh! That was too funny.

    I live around the “other people” too and it sounds like sumthin my neighbors would do!

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