Yesha Callahan

The Face Only A Mother Could Love

(warning, this blog is filled with facial slurs, the easily offended, should exit now)

goonies_sloth
 

I’m sure everyone has seen the movie “The Goonies” and recognize the face above as the character “Sloth”. If you remember from the movie, “Sloth” was basically kept in a dungeon away from the rest of his family, while they did their dirty deeds. Although he was treated like a leper, I’m sure his mother still loved him to death. I mean, I’m sure his mother was able to look past the obvious aesthetically challenged exterior, because deep down inside he had a heart of gold.

Well thank god for mothers.

For the record (before an ugly person gets upset & tries to sue me), I don’t go around making it a habit of calling people ugly. Well at least not out loud. Maybe just in my head, so they can’t hear me. I also try to never use the word ‘ugly’ to begin with. Occasionally, I try to be politically correct (well not that often) so I use the term “aesthetically challenged”. 

For those people who say they’ve never called someone ugly, oh, I mean aesthetically challenged, I’m just going to call you a liar. Whether you said it in your head & kept it to yourself, it has happened. Now I’ll be the first to say, that I by no means could ever pass for a supermodel. No one has never mistaken me for Tyra Banks (well maybe my forehead) or Naomi Campbell (I have hit someone with a cell phone before), so I’m not in any way trying to come off as some pundit on ugliness, who’s been called beautiful every day of her life.

A few days ago, I was in Fredericksburg, VA hanging out with a friend of mine at Bonefish Grill. At the table next to us was a couple and their baby. When our waitress arrived at their table to take their order, she happened to look at the baby, and all she could muster was an “Awwwww”.  Right then and there, I knew that ‘awwww’ stood for, “wow, that’s an ugly baby”. When the waitress came back to our table, I asked her about her ‘awwww’ remark. 

“Well, uh, he’s interesting looking”, said the waitress.

interesting

If the words ‘interesting looking’ have ever been used to describe you or your baby, chances are, you’re part of the “aesthetically challenged” crew. 

Also, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve dated some men who I’ve considered ‘aesthetically challenged’ in their own special way. Some may have had an Igorish look to them, but it’s the personality that counted more than anything (and the size of their…well..nevermind).  I’ll easily make exceptions for the varying degrees of aesthetically challenged’ness, before I make exceptions on height, weight & their dental issues. 

I’m sure everyone has heard of the “Butter Face” phenomenon. Everything looks good, but’her face. Well there really should be an “butthis face” equivilent.  And I would like to nominate, Michael Phelps to carry on that title.

 

buthisfaceI mean look at his body, but his face is something that I’d have to throw a paper bag over, occasionally.  

In any event, I’m sure everyone by now is going to throw around the old cliche, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder…..”. Well sure, I can agree with that. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but who wants to be-holding a badger.

 

  1. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    no cliche throwing here because as we all know ‘god don’t like ugly…’
    great vid.. lmao…

    • April 13, 2009 - Reply

      @marci

      and god is the reason why i didn’t post this on Easter..LMAO!

  2. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    I like to use other phrases, such as “awkward facial structure” or “disagreeable face palette”. They are much nicer than ugly. No? Dang! I tried.

    • April 13, 2009 - Reply

      @Luvvie

      “disagreeable face palette”
      Find a corner immediately & sit in it! LMAO!!
      Your disagreeable face palette has made me sick to my stomach!

    • April 14, 2009 - Reply

      @Luvvie

      oh my
      “disagreeable face palette”
      You always find a way to bring very real laughter out of me.

      • April 14, 2009 - Reply

        @MDUBB

        Luuvie is hilarious! I don’t know where she comes up with it!

  3. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    Wow, you’re a meany! I can’t believe your this mean. Why do you have to talk about us aesthetically challenged people. YES, my mom loves me and it’s NOT pity! DAMN YOU, you blak fungke chik…you just made me remember all the times people looked at me and said, “Awwwww”
    *running from the room bawling*

    • April 13, 2009 - Reply

      @Kiwi

      Well I’m sure they were just saying ‘awww’ about your ginormously sized cheeks lol

      • April 13, 2009 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        I should smack you silly for that one. LOL Whatever….so what I’ve got chipmunk cheeks…people LOVE them. (when they’re not hissing at my Igorness) LMAO
        Oh, since you DELETED my 2nd comment, I didn’t want anyone to think I was into hacking the English language as WELL as being smugly (Straight mofo ugly)…I meant you’re*

  4. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    When you say aesthetically challenged I think you’re hating on men with bulging stomachs. Now, had you said photogenically challenged, I’d know you meant ugly.
    LOL @ Igor-ish.

    • April 14, 2009 - Reply

      @RiPPa

      I mean you’ve seen it for yourself…you saw what’s his face & his midget arms..come on! Everyone has a charity case every once in a while..lol

  5. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    Not facial slurs! I thought you were being…. . . . Let me stop.

  6. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    I awarded you the Noblese Oblige Award. Check my blog.
    Jaycee

    • April 14, 2009 - Reply

      @Jaycee

      Thank you!!! You’re so kind! I will definitely check it out!

  7. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    Hilarious! And people say that there’s no such thing as an ugly baby…I have to pull my BS card on that one.

    • April 14, 2009 - Reply

      @Sabrina

      Ohh I’ve seen the ones who look like they’re 85 yrs old in the face & are only babies..lol..Benjamin Button looking asses lol

  8. April 13, 2009 - Reply

    Hi Fungke Blak Chik,
    I’ve been reading Mista Jaycee’s blog (A Choice of Weapons) and he recommended your blog citing you for “Stellar Writing”.
    I enjoyed reading this post. The pics along with the narrative provided a humorous and entertaining perspective.
    I’ll derfinitely return for more reading pleasure.
    Thanks

    • April 14, 2009 - Reply

      @underOvr

      Thank-you for stopping by! I truly appreciate it!

  9. April 14, 2009 - Reply

    One of my high school classmates used to say there are no ugly people, just unfortunate looking individuals. Several of my little cousins belong to this category. One in particular has some very equestrian like features. Sigh. I guess everyone in the family didn’t inherit Grandma’s good looks.

    • April 14, 2009 - Reply

      @Toni

      when you say equestrian, i immediately think of sarah jessica parker…hee-haw.

  10. April 14, 2009 - Reply

    Why I love thee, let me count the ways…lol
    Let us begin with this entry shall we?
    I guess I am going to have to start using the politically correct word from now on in my head, because God knows – all babies are not cute, there are some PRETTY aesthetically challenged peoples on this here earth. I’m just sayin’…
    I say no more before I get hit with lightening. 😀

  11. April 14, 2009 - Reply

    Disturbing about the face
    Unfortunate genetic structure
    Front of the head not quite right
    Need extra long bangs
    Facially challenged
    FLKS=Funny Lookin’ Kid Syndrome
    Oh yeah, I have a bunch of them.

  12. April 15, 2009 - Reply

    I LOVE Mr Personality. He always treats me like I should be- treasured….and he has so many things about him to be intrigued with. Over time…he looks like Prince Charming.

  13. April 20, 2009 - Reply

    Finally, someone who agrees with me that Micheal Phelps is NOT a good lookin’ guy.
    And thanks Luvvie and PBG for the belly laughs. I will definitely start using “disagreeable face palette” and “front of the head not quite right” in my every day life.

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