Two hours and 15 minutes of my life that I’ll never regain again were lost last night. I knew I should have watched True Blood instead of the MTV Video Music Awards. I can only describe those two hours in 4 words: A Cornucopia of Bullshit. The biggest disappointment of the night was the host, Chelsea Handler. Her jokes were horrible.
People in the audience knew her jokes were horrible, but of course they had to politely clap for the cameras. She confessed that she was “high as a kite”, who knows if she was joking or not, but you’d think whatever drugs she took would have made her funnier, hell, it worked for Richard Pryor back in the day before he would hit the stage. According to Chelsea Handler, Kanye West was the “big black elephant in the room”. I’m assuming that was supposed to be funny, but she failed miserably. This morning the only funny joke I heard was when my friend informed me that Chelsea Handler was ONLY 35 years old. Her face tells a different story.
Kanye West wore the hell out of this red suit last night. I pretty much missed his performance only because the suit was just that distracting to me. Also, any man who can get Pusha-T in a lavender suit jacket is pretty much a genius! I’m nowhere near being a Kanye stan, but I would have been proud to see him tell Taylor Swift to STFU and get over it already.
Will. I. Am. Looking. Ridiculous. As. Usual decided to dress up as a black latex condom. Ohh boy, you’re sooo different. Nikki Minaj decided to dress up as the black Judy Jetson along with some Huggies overnight diapers on.
Ke$ha (pronounced KEH-SHA and not KEY-SHA as I’ve been referring to her as) decided to attend the awards Trailer Park Chic. So she searched her double-wide, high & low, until she found a pair a scissors and a hefty cinch sack bag.
Drake and that pelican that could never land in the cartoons. The resemblance is uncanny.
Look, it’s a vampire from Bon Temps. Taylor Swift instead of writing songs about Kanye, maybe you should think about hiring a vocal coach so you can manage to stay in tune, while singing about Kanye. Also, your posture still sucks, see a Chiropractor, instead of writing horribly written songs about Kanye. Get over it already. If it’s that bad see a therapist, instead of writing horribly written songs about Kanye, because guess what, Kanye isn’t going any where any time soon.
Usher poses with his protege that was Ellen in a previous life.
Usher poses with Ellen’s son.
Usher poses with a random lesbian.
People, the jokes write themselves.
Ok Gag-gag. We get it. You love the gays. You’re so different, just like Will.I.Am. It’s not like Cyndi Lauper, Cher, Grace Jones or Madonna didn’t love the gays either. I’m also convinced you wear hideous outfits to take the attention away from your hideous face.
The first person to introduce me to Joe Manganiello will win $1,000,000.00. Well no, not really but you’ll make me really really really…did I mention really?….really…happy! Definitely the highlight of those 2 hours and 15 minutes I wasted.