Yesha Callahan

Allen Payne’s Taco Meat and Tiger Woods’ Hairy Nipples

Sure, that’s the Vanity Fair cover of Tiger Woods, but right now, I’m going to wax poetic about the crush I had on Allen Payne when I was younger. Unlike most people, I didn’t see New Jack City, until later on in life, only because I was never a fan of Wesley Snipes, so by the time I caught notice of Allen Payne, it was during his stint as “Lance” on The Cosby Show & A Different World.

Then there was Jason’s Lyric.

One hundred and nineteen minutes worth of Allen Payne.  Unfortunately after watching Jason’s Lyric, my crush was over.  Before Jason’s Lyric, Allen Payne could do no wrong, but that was before I discovered, he had more taco meat on his chest than Taco Bell.

taco meat: nappy, black, balled up hairs, which resemble crumbled ground beef, found on different parts of the body, i.e, chest, underarms, pubic area, back, ass, wherever.

I can’t stand a man with taco meat on his chest.  So before I even get to the point where I see a man without his shirt on, I do a thorough inspection of his arm hair, leg hair & the hair on his head (the one attached to his neck).  If by chance, I suspect taco meat, I find a way to bring the body hair issue into the conversation, just to let them know, that either they better have smooth, curly or no chest hair at all. Thankfully so far I’ve been lucky in the chest hair department when it comes to men, I’m not sure how I’d ever react if I saw taco meat in person, it was bad enough seeing it on Allen Payne.

Yesterday, Tiger Woods’ Vanity Fair cover made it’s way around the internet. Apparently, the photos were taken a while ago, before the ‘car accident’ and his philandering ways were exposed. The cover was shot by photographer Annie Leibovitz, who referred to Tiger as being, “…an intensely competitive athlete—and quite serious about his sport. I wanted to reveal that in these photos. And to show his incredible focus and dedication.”

Focus and dedication is what she wanted to show in his photos. She forgot to mention his hairy nipples.

I’m not sure what’s worse, taco meat or hairy nipples. Now I’ll have Tiger’s hairy nipples etched in my mind forever.  Just like how I forgot about how fine Allen Payne was before I discovered his taco meat, years down the road, I’ll forget about Tiger’s harem of white women and cheating with high paid prostitutes, and marrying a nanny. What I won’t forget is the fact that he has hairy nipples. I wonder he liked them tweaked? I’m sure he does, just as long as no hair is being pulled, it is a highly sensitive area. Also, before I forget, he looks like a total douche bag on the cover.

  1. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    LOL @ Allen Payne's taco meat…it's real bad but he's still a fine man. That's not to say that I didn't hesitate when I saw the kookaburras…he just needs a good waxing, shaving, or depilatory, lol =^D

    And Tiger looks very douche-y and he would even if his adulterous side hadn't been exposed…

  2. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    LMAOOO wow…you're some kinda special. But, I SO AGREE! If men expect women to wax and shave suckable, lickable areas…why shouldn't they. Go get the 40yr old virgin special down at KoKo's House of Wax and take the taco meat off the menu!! LMAO

  3. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    Whats really fucked up is a woman with taco meat or hairy nipples. Those are real turn offs!

  4. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    LMAO!!! John Legend also has a HEAP load of Taco Meat!! I had the pleasure to hang with him about 3 years ago, and he had the NERVE to take a wear a button down shirt with the Taco Meat on display!! LOL…
    I'd hate to judge a man who puts his Taco Meat on display, HOWEVER.. tht junk is sooooo not attractive @ all.. Thank Goodness that does not run in my family {within the males}!!!!

  5. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    LMAO @ women with Taco Meat!!!!!!! I dread seeing this… living in NYC anything is possible!! 🙁

  6. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    Yeah, I've never liked John Legend b/c of two reasons A) He's about 5'0 tall B) His chest hair annoys me..lol

    Also, I met Ryan Leslie recently and A) I thought he was taller than 5'6 B) He wore a V-Neck t-shirt with his chest hair coming out of it.. lol

  7. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    You know you prefer you women with hairy titties! lol

  8. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    I forgot about taco meat. Hilarious! Ad yes, it totally ruined my crush on Allen Payne. He has some fierce taco meat. LOL!

  9. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    God said everyone is special in their own special way..let me have my own way…lol!

    There have been times where you know, I may not have shaved for maybe a couple of weeks..like 2 for example…and the love below was a little untamed..but it's not a nappy dugout..so I'm cool..lol

  10. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    lol @kookaburras!!
    yes tiger looks like some reject from dead presidents..the cablasian version lol

  11. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    LMAO, well neither is mine…thank God. But, I should never see some dude's chesticles and manicles below and wanna take a brush to them…with some Ultra Sheen. *ctfu*

  12. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    First of all, lmao!! I thought it was just me who has been traumatized by seeing T. Woody's nipples, the hair and color scare…his nipple color looks like blood clotting. I can't today.

  13. January 5, 2010 - Reply

    Whew, girl, I think Allen lost quite a few of us back then…lol. I prefer my taco meat in shell with some lettuce and cheese, not on my man.

  14. January 6, 2010 - Reply

    What the heck!!!! And I love R. Les's Music!!! What is up with all of this Chest hair!!! Especially the ones that are real Hard and just not soft!! LOL.. WOLF hair!! 🙁

  15. January 7, 2010 - Reply

    “I’m not sure what’s worse, taco meat or hairy nipples.”

    … I'm gonna go with hairy nipples. I, too, was grossed out a bit after seeing that VF cover.

  16. January 8, 2010 - Reply

    Yeah, I had a girlfriend with hairy nipples once……shit weirded me the fuck out!!! She was gorgeous, with perfect breasts ( @ )( @ ), but she has a few long black curly hairs growing out of each of her nipples. The first time I saw them, I think I heard the theme from “The Crying Game” in my head. Truth be told, I didn't even want to kiss the tittie then.

    I was really moved by your blog. As a matter of fact, I was moved enough to grab a set of clippers and go to town on my “taco meat” before I finished reading the rest of your blog. With that done, I did finish reading this and I enjoyed it; and I was even able to laugh at all the men out there with taco meat…….now that I don't have it anymore.

    From now on, I'm going to take care of my taco meat before it becomes unmanageable. I never realized that this could be a problem for the ladies. Let me also say, that I would prefer to NEVER see taco meat on a woman again……….NEVER!!!

  17. January 9, 2010 - Reply

    Yeah, I had a girlfriend with hairy nipples once……shit weirded me the fuck out!!! She was gorgeous, with perfect breasts ( @ )( @ ), but she has a few long black curly hairs growing out of each of her nipples. The first time I saw them, I think I heard the theme from “The Crying Game” in my head. Truth be told, I didn't even want to kiss the tittie then.

    I was really moved by your blog. As a matter of fact, I was moved enough to grab a set of clippers and go to town on my “taco meat” before I finished reading the rest of your blog. With that done, I did finish reading this and I enjoyed it; and I was even able to laugh at all the men out there with taco meat…….now that I don't have it anymore.

    From now on, I'm going to take care of my taco meat before it becomes unmanageable. I never realized that this could be a problem for the ladies. Let me also say, that I would prefer to NEVER see taco meat on a woman again……….NEVER!!!

  18. January 10, 2010 - Reply

    You know, I tried to mentally and visually block out Tiger's nipple hair situation when I first saw this cover. But now, I'm going to have to avoid the CVS magazine rack for a month lest I start screaming. Thanks for that!

  19. February 9, 2010 - Reply

    I guess I'm a little different. My man has “taco meat” all every which a' where! He's hairy in a special kind of way! And it's a damn good thing that Taco Meat is my fav! The kookaburrier, the mo' betta!
    But then he took some clippers and went to work on it all, without my permission, and I'm not quite feeling it!
    Anyway, looking at Tiger's nipples, the nipple hair…..did Annie take a black magic marker to those things? Those are the blackest, furryest nipples I've ever seen on a Cabliasian! I'm just sayin.
    Anna Renee at black-folks.blogspot.com

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