Yesha Callahan

This Woman Instagrammed Her Rape Right After It Happened

AmberAmour

Amber Amour was staying in a hostel in Cape Town, South Africa when the unthinkable happened: she was raped.

Instead of suffering in silence, Amour, an activist who was in town for the “Stop Rate, Educate” tour, decided to document the entire experience on Instagram.

“It was only a few minutes ago but sometimes these things happen so fast it’s hard to remember all the details,” Amour wrote on the photo sharing site before detailing the entire ordeal. 

I’ve been sick for the past 2 days and today was my first day out. I went back to my old hostel to leave a note for a friend, Nick. There was another guy there, Shakir, who was desperately trying to get with me. I kissed him once but he seemed drunk so I told him it was bad timing, I had already met someone. Before heading out, I went upstairs to say hi to one more friend, Clyde from the states. Shakir followed me upstairs and said he was going to take a shower. He invited me to join. I said yes because the water at my current hostel is pretty cold and after 2 days of being sick, I just really wanted a hot shower. As soon as I got in the bathroom, he forced me to my knees. I said “stop!” but he just got more violent. He lifted me up and put his penis in my vagina. I asked him to stop, again, as I began to cry. When he shoved it in my ass, that’s when I passed out. I woke up a few minutes later and saw him trying to creep out the door. When he saw that I was awake, he came back to finish me off in the shower. I have all those fucked up feelings that we get after rape…shame, disgust, suffering. I’m here, alone, and any DNA has been wiped away in the shower. The South African police will just roll their eyes when I walk in. Feeling sicker than ever now. Needless today, I’m going to disappear for a bit. Just need to enjoy the freaking sun and call my friends and family in the states. Love you guys. Thank you for always being there for me. All the more reason to continue @stoprapeeducate but not today. Today, I need rest. #StopRapeEducate

After her initial post about the incident, Amour documented the entire process, from having a rape kit done to sharing updates about her alleged attacker’s arrest nearly a month later.

 

Though many offered Amour words of encouragement, others took the victim-blaming route, questioning why she’d put herself in such a vulnerable position in the first place.

 

A photo posted by Amber Amour (@ambertheactivist) on

A photo posted by Amber Amour (@ambertheactivis

t) on

 

Amour, however, i undaunted by the criticism and maintains–rightly–that women should not be raped, no matter what.

“No matter what a person does, it is not an invitation for rape,’ she wrote on Instagram. “It doesn’t matter if I kissed him. It doesn’t matter if he was drunk. It doesn’t matter if I said yes to a shower.”

She added: “I never said he could get violent with me. I never said he could make me bleed. I never said he could rape me. But still, that’s how the scene went down.”

  1. January 7, 2016 - Reply

    I’ve been conflicted about this since I read about it yesterday. I feel absolutely terrible for this woman. No woman deserves for a man to force themselves on them after they’ve said no HOWEVER using good judgment is key. Why put yourself in such a vulnerable situation where a man could more easily take advantage of you? There are many people out there who mean you harm and yes, it can happen if you’re walking down the street fully clothed, but getting naked and taking a shower with a man that you don’t know is just not wise.

  2. January 7, 2016 - Reply

    sad, this women needs help, what sane women would do that, what sane women would meet a strange man go with him, take off her cloths, get naked join a naked man in a shower with no intention of have sex with him unless she was on a mission to entrap him, I feel sorry for such a good looking fine sister but she needs help, she done gone off of the deep in trying to prove there is a rape culture, she needs professional in house help. Who take off their cloths get naked join someone in the shower with no intent to have s3x, Who does that? Well she is on a mission to entrap men someone need to alert the men in Namibia that she is coming and the authorities should deny her entry.

    • January 7, 2016 - Reply

      @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

      Clutch mods?

      • January 7, 2016 - Reply

        @BillipPhailey

        somebody or some group is paying her to do this, probably the state department.

      • January 8, 2016 - Reply

        @BillipPhailey

        Mods? On Clutch? Lawl

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

      Wow caping for racists now?

  3. January 7, 2016 - Reply

    Adult humans, of sound mind and body, control of 99.9% of the things that occur in our lives. That means .01% of events are beyond our control…and that’s being generous. Maybe that .01% would be an act of God. Seriously, if you don’t want to be swept up by a tornado…don’t live in a prairie state. Hate hurricanes? Don’t live on an island or a coastal state. See where I’m going with this? Short of falling out of the sky in an airplane (and that occurs less than .01% of time) there’s not much you can’t control in your life.

    I hate the term victim blaming because it’s an attempt to justify people not being accountable for their decisions. If everything that goes wrong in your life is someone else’s fault, that’s just you refusing to be accountable for your life.

    Blah blah blah, rapists shouldn’t rape. BUT THEY DO. No woman asks for a man to be violent towards her…the first time. If she stays with him, she certainly asked for it the subsequent times.

    You have one life to live. One body. Who do you trust to protect your life? Who is responsible for protecting YOUR body? You or a stranger?

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @tinycurls

      I know your view may be unpopular but I agree with you 100%, Tinycurls. I, too hate the term victim blaming. I don’t blame her for his actions. He had no right to violate her at all, however, why even put yourself in a position to become a victim? I mean, we lock our car doors to prevent theft and robbery. Why not more our own bodies? Yes we should be able to walk around in our sexual liberation and sophistication but not everyone around us is sexually liberated/sophistocated. Until the world we live in becomes a perfect one we have to protect ourselves at all costs.

      Now, put that scum under the prison!

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @tinycurls

      I congratulate you on being brave enough to post your unpopular opinion. I believe all views should be respected.

      Assuming your 99.9% comment is true. The problem I have with your comment is that it doesn’t leave room for human error. Are you suggesting human beings should make the right decision 99.9 % of the time?

      I know I should lock my door when I leave home; however, I sometimes forget to lock the door. If someone steals all my property out of my house, it should be irrelevant that I forgot to lock the door. The Police or society shouldn’t look at me sideways because I forgot to lock the door.

      “Thou shall not steal.” This means you shouldn’t steal if the door is lock, unlocked or wide open.

      Yes, her decision to take a shower was not wise, but she’s human. Somewhere or some time, you are going to make a mistake. Your mistake is not a reason for a criminal to take advantage of you. Peace.

      • January 8, 2016 - Reply

        @Objection

        “I know I should lock my door when I leave home; however, I sometimes forget to lock the door. If someone steals all my property out of my house, it should be irrelevant that I forgot to lock the door. The Police or society shouldn’t look at me sideways because I forgot to lock the door.”

        Mistakes are costly sometimes, but they also, if paid attention to, provide lessons. If you accidentally left your door unlocked and someone stole from you, I bet you’d never forget to lock your door again. Does that mean the thief was right to steal from you. NO! but as you stated, evil lurks right around the corner and we never know when we will encounter it, so we must be sober, vigilant and aware. Criminals should not take advantage, but they do. That’s a fact that will never be changed, so it’s up to US to do what we can to thwart (it may not be possible) whatever might happen to us.

        • January 8, 2016 - Reply

          @Noirluv45

          Does that mean the thief was right to steal from you. NO!

          So why focus on my action at all (sincere question)?

          • January 8, 2016 - Reply

            @Objection

            Where in my post did I justify theft? In fact, I said, “Does that mean the thief was right to steal from you. NO!…” I abhor rapists, child molesters, and the like; however, they are out there whether we like it or not.

            To answer your question, I focused on your action (leaving the door unlocked) because you brought it up, did you not? You stated, “If someone steals all my property out of my house, it should be irrelevant that I forgot to lock the door. The Police or society shouldn’t look at me sideways because I forgot to lock the door.” I replied accordingly. Most people would look at your not locking your door as a mistake that cost you greatly. No one’s attacking you, Objection. This is a conversation. The problem with conversations like this is people get all into their feelings assuming because one brings up personal responsibility that they are victim blaming. I beg to differ. One thing I don’t like is victim blaming. Personal accountability is not acceptable to some people. Because someone says, “guard yourself,” doesn’t mean when something happens to them, people are condemning them. These are two separate matters. Criminals are WRONG to commit crimes and should be punished accordingly. We know criminals exists, SO, we do what we can to keep ourselves safe from these miscreants.

            If your child, who is a teenager, walked across the street without looking after having been told to look both ways before crossing and he/she got hit by a car, would you not say it was his/her fault for being negligent or would you blame the driver of the car, if, indeed, the driver of the car was not at fault? The lesson is that when we make mistakes, we try to learn from them and try not to make them again. That’s the point I’m making relating to your question. Do I blame the young lady for being raped? NO! All I’m saying is that we have to be very careful because whether we like it or not, there are predators out there ready at a moment’s notice to pounce.

            • January 8, 2016 - Reply

              @Noirluv45

              I think you are misunderstand my question; or maybe I’m not making myself clear. First, I never felt that you were attacking me. Its hard to read people’s emotions on a message board.

              Secondly, if my actions (in my example) and her action of taking a shower, doesn’t justify the crime, why do people focus on the actions of the victim? It seems to me the action of the victim is irrelevant. Either she gave him consent or she didn’t. I either gave a person consent to take my property or I didn’t.

              • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                @Objection

                Objection, I apologize for misunderstanding you and sounding accusatory. You’re right’ it’s hard to read people’s emotions and inflections. I do understand your question. Many times, we often look at the actions of the victim and pay less attention to the criminal and/or his act. I can’t speak for everyone, but my point was not to attack this woman, but just to reiterate that we women have to be on the look out for demons like this rapist. I guess I should’ve spoken more about the rapist and didn’t. I’m glad they arrested him. Any man or woman who rapes someone is not only a cockroach, but one who needs to be severely punished. I wish rape victims were never shamed because it’s wrong and it keeps them and other women from testifying against the violator. I have to admit, it’s sometimes easier for us to point fingers and accuse than it is to go after evil. Thanks for making yourself clear, Objection.

                • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                  @Noirluv45

                  I agree with you Sister.

                • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                  @Noirluv45

                  Its all good.

              • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                @Objection

                Because when something bad happens to an adult of sound mind and body, that person usually isn’t a victim. Bad things happens to people who exercise poor judgement. For every incident you can imagine that wasn’t a “victim’s” fault, I can probably provide, at least, three ways that incident could’ve been avoided. You can’t reckless with your life/body/possessions and assume strangers will behave the way you want.

                • January 9, 2016 - Reply

                  @tinycurls

                  Thanks for responding to my question. I ask one small favor of you. If you are ever called for jury duty, please be honest and disclose your thinking to the Judge.

                  • January 10, 2016 - Reply

                    @Objection

                    This particular discussion is about a “victim”, but don’t worry, I feel everyone should be accountable for their decisions. Just because someone creates an opportune situation for you to do something bad, that doesn’t mean you should. If you do, there should be consequences.

                    Hopefully, neither the defense nor prosecution would want me as a juror.

              • January 11, 2016 - Reply

                @Objection

                the action of the women how got naked and got into a shower with a man IS MOST CERTAINLY RELEVANT to the alleged crime.

                • January 11, 2016 - Reply

                  @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

                  How so? Can you finish explaining how its relevant? Does taking her clothing off prove consent? Does whether she know him or not prove consent?

            • January 11, 2016 - Reply

              @Noirluv45

              thank you, your comment is just smart, wise and good common sense which have evaded many in this victim playing sub group, we have recently allowed a irresponsible sub group to be develop and empowered where people seek to cover their carelessness, poor judgement and irresponsibility by playing the victim, we have a group who now are holding and playing the victim card to use when needed to give them a excuse to be careless and irresponsible and they willfully do it over and over again and they are teaching this to their offsprings.

          • January 8, 2016 - Reply

            @Objection

            Because you were in control of that situation. You could’ve locked your doors. You could’ve moved into a neighbor with strong police presence and low to non-existent burglary rates. 99.9% of what happens in your life, good or bad, is because of choices you make. People love to take credit for the good, but hate to be accountable for the bad.

      • January 8, 2016 - Reply

        @Objection

        You call her decision unwise. Her decision went far beyond being unwise. She agreed to take off her clothes and take a shower with a COMPLETE STRANGER after rejecting his sexual advances. That tells me she is mentally ill.

        • January 8, 2016 - Reply

          @joe

          That tells me she is mentally ill.

          What is your point? Are you saying she did or didn’t give consent? Are you saying her actions justify being rape?

          • January 8, 2016 - Reply

            @Objection

            My point is that only a mentally ill person would disrobe and take a shower with a complete stranger because he had hot water.

            • January 8, 2016 - Reply

              @joe

              What does that have to do with the asshole who raped her? HE is the problem here and it’s telling that you’re talking about her and not him.

            • January 9, 2016 - Reply

              @joe

              A mentally ill person can’t give consent for sex. Thanks for responding to my question. I ask one small favor of you. If you are ever called for jury duty, please be honest and disclose your thinking to the Judge.

              • January 9, 2016 - Reply

                @Objection

                “A mentally ill person can’t give consent for sex.”

                A mentally ill person CAN give consent for sex. A mentally incapacitated person can not. There is a very distinct medical and legal difference. Mental illness covers a wide range of psychological problems ranging from anxiety and depression to eating disorders and schizophrenia.

                I’m certain a judge will have a pretty strong understanding of the difference between the two terms.

                No person is justified in raping another. Regardless of mental state. But her decision to remove her clothes and get into a shower with a drunk, sexually aroused STRANGER, because he had hot water, most definitely calls into question her mental health.

                • January 9, 2016 - Reply

                  @joe

                  What state do you live in? Have you actually read the statute that says a mentally ill person can give consent; or are you guessing? If no person should be raped, why focus on the fact she took a shower with a stranger? Why is that fact important to you?

                • January 11, 2016 - Reply

                  @joe

                  you are exactly right, as unpopular as it is on this thread you are exactly right, truth is truth, right is right and wrong is wrong whether you get up votes or not.

      • January 8, 2016 - Reply

        @Objection

        Thieves shouldn’t steal, BUT THEY DO. Armed with that knowledge, who do you trust to protect YOUR belongings? You or a thief?

        Oh, yeah, I’m not saying you have to do anything 99.9% of the time. My point is if you make a bad decision and have a bad outcome, own it.

        Not everyone will have the same morals and values as you. Not everyone has your best interest in mind when they make decisions for their lives.

        Only you have that responsibility; so, make your decisions accordingly and be accountable when you do.

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @tinycurls

      Not the most popular thing to say on this blog but I have to agree with you on that. Not too sure about the 99.9% though but I get the point.

      • January 10, 2016 - Reply

        @Zorino

        Once people know the difference between right and wrong they become accountable for their actions. I say adults of sound mind and body, but really teens (and some precocious children) know the difference between right and wrong. We just like to give youth the benefit of the doubt because sometimes you have to go through a few things before you trust your own judgement and intuition.

        I’ve had and shared this view with many people. Many disagree, but, to date, no one has been able to come up with a situation that couldn’t have been avoided by being thoughtful. Thoughtful about potential consequences. So, when I say 99.9%, I’m being generous.

    • January 11, 2016 - Reply

      @tinycurls

      According to this logic, the effects of racism and sexism, two things you have no control over, only affect .01% of your life.

      You are literally using pseudo-scinece to justify victim blaming! If we go by your logic, this guy has 99.9% control of his life, thus 99.99% percent control over whether or not he will rape someone. Nevertheless, the person who has only about .01% over whether or not someone will rape them is at fault because she made a decision and was at the wrong place and wrong time?

      And this comment: Blah blah blah, rapists shouldn’t rape. BUT THEY DO. No woman asks for a man to be violent towards her…the first time. If she stays with him, she certainly asked for it the subsequent times.

      You’re essentially saying if you stay in the place where the abuse occurs, the victim is no longer a victim and deserves what happens. Let’s apply this logic to another situation. Blah blah blah, [cops] shouldn’t be [discriminatory]. BUT THEY DO. No [Black person] asks for a [cop] to be violent towards [them]…the first time. If [they] stays with [in that area], [Black people] certainly asked for it the subsequent times.

      Still want to hold onto that logic?

      • January 11, 2016 - Reply

        @Patrice

        I stand my statement. You can read into and try to make it sound worse than it is, but really all you’re doing to trying to avoid accountability for YOUR life.

        Let’s say a person is 30. That means they’ve been on this Earth 10,950 days. If that person has one altercation with the police, that is .01% of that person’s life which may (or may not) have been beyond his/her control. And that’s being generous because, most Black folks feel that the police are looking for a reason for eff with us and most of us don’t want to give them one. When I get pulled over, I have my license and insurance ready, hands on the steering wheel. I’m not trying to antagonize anyone and end up in custody. I don’t even have to go through that to know it won’t end well. So really, how many altercations does one need to have before the person realizes that he or she is the common denominator?

        God bless the armchair activists that are out there changing the world one hash tag at a time. Meanwhile, everyone else needs to adapt or die. If you know that a cop will shoot you in the face if your pants sag, what do you do? Do you choose to exercise your civil liberties and sag or do you choose to get shot in the face? These are YOUR choices because this is the world we live in. If you want to live, why would you choose to sag your pants? It’s hard to make a point when you’re dead or if you have no face.

        What I’m saying is that choices have consequences…or rewards…and sometimes, they’re benign and nothing happens at all. But if something does happen, you can be accountable for your behavior or inaction or whatever decision you made that got you to that place and LEARN from it. Or you can pretend like you’re a completely innocent victim, not learn a darn thing and keep ending up in similar situations until you do something that causes you to lose your life.

        • January 11, 2016 - Reply

          @tinycurls

          thank you just wisdom, smarts and plain old good common sense,

        • January 12, 2016 - Reply

          @tinycurls

          This isn’t about not taking responsibility for my own actions, this is about not apologizing to racist for being black. Seriously, why should I take responsibility for someone else’s racism?

          This is your quote: “If you know that a cop will shoot you in the face if your pants sag, what do you do? Do you choose to exercise your civil liberties and sag or do you choose to get shot in the face?”

          God bless the racism apologist who feel that it’s more important to have the illusion of civil rights than actually have those rights. This is strait up victim blaming, if everyone has a control over 99.99% of their lives and must be held responsible of their decision, we should focus more of the cop that chose to shot someone because of how they wear their pants than point fingers at someone who wears their pants in a certain way.

          Normally, this is a comment that I reserve for White people who argue that their feelings are hurt when Black people complain about racism, but I feel that this is a good quote for the situation:

          Over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the White moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s greatest stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is no the White Citizen’s Councilor of the Ku Klux Klanner, but the White moderate, who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefer a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive leave which is the presence of justice. – MLK

          • January 13, 2016 - Reply

            @Patrice

            I follow the rules of common sense and you’re idealistic. Let’s just agree to disagree.

            • January 14, 2016 - Reply

              @tinycurls

              No, let’s not agree to disagree; that’s just a cop out people use when they can’t give a good argument anymore.

              You’re not following the rules of common sense, you’re following the rules of fear. If you don’t want to stand up for the kid who got shot just because he sagged his pants, don’t begrudge those who will because they want better for children.

  4. January 7, 2016 - Reply

    This story is tragic and horrific. We have a serious problem of the bodies of black women being violated by evil people. I don’t care if a woman is naked, in a shower naked, etc. Every woman has the right to maintain her autonomy without unwarranted touching, abuse, or rape. No means no. No woman and no human being should be raped regardless of how much clothes that she wears or which location that she is in point blank period exclamation point. The Sister was a victim of rape. Some folks need to realize that. Some people also need to realize that rape occurs in a wide spectrum locations (not just in certain areas) and against people of every demographic. I’m glad that the rapist will have a trial. He should be in prison for a very long period of time. Unfortunately, we live in a society where many victims of rape are either blamed for their own rape by some (which is sick and wrong) or the victims of rape are scolded by many because of their attire or because of their choices (while the perpetrator of the rape are readily ignored or sugarcoated of their actions). This must change. She does need support and services as all victims of rape need. She should never be blamed for anything. The epidemic of victim blaming is not just a Western problem. It’s an international problem too. Sister Amber is courageous in telling her story publicly. Her stories can help other victims of rape to speak about their stories, so more rapists can go into prison.

    I send prayers to Sister Amber Amour.

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

      This Shakir guy is a piece of sh!t for what he did. At the same time, pointing out the decisions she made, can only help to educate and prevent this from happening to other people. it’s not victim blaming but a responsible thing to do: getting in a shower with a drunk (or anyone with no romantic interest) guy is a bad idea. kinda like getting in a car with a stranger (a friend of mine actually this did – she was waiting for a bus stop and some guy offered her a ride and she accepted. thankfully nothing happened but i was flabbergast when she told me).

      • January 8, 2016 - Reply

        @tigerthelion

        I agree with you that the rapist is scum and he should be in jail for a very long time. I agree with you that this situation should be analyzed and lessons must be learned. Yet, in general, victim blaming is an epidemic in world society. That is a fact. No woman, no matter if she is naked or not, should be violated of her human autonomy period. Rape exists in a wide spectrum of situations. I have to mentioned something else too. Yes, I have to go there. Victim blaming is shown by the disrespectful Tweets of sick people who have slandered Amber. Also , victim blaming is found by some who want to falsely blame Tamir Rice, Rekia Boyd, (who were killed by terrorist cops), etc. for their own deaths. So, victim blaming is ever real. I didn’t say that people here are victim blaming her in the comments in Clutch, but I do say that people in those Tweets and in other places are victim blaming Amber greatly (that’s the problem and that is wrong).

  5. January 7, 2016 - Reply

    While I certainly do not understand her decision to get into a shower with a man she had no interest in (and maybe the illness made her delirious, who is to say?!)–Regardless, it does not mean that the man had the “right” to her body. She could have been passed out and unconscious if she chose to sit and drink with him, but it STILL would NOT give him the right to violate her. Yes means Yes moreso than no means no. For all the potential and current RAPISTS out there-take NOTE: If she is not willing and wanting, then he cannot abide by the ambiguity, I don’t care how confused he is or what his peen wants and desires.

    • January 7, 2016 - Reply

      @eLLe D.

      Great Points.

      Goodnight Sister.

      • January 7, 2016 - Reply

        @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

        Good night and sleep tight Brother T.

        • January 8, 2016 - Reply

          @eLLe D.

          Good Afternoon Sister. I just ate some fish and my mind is running on all cylinders today. TGIF.

          • January 8, 2016 - Reply

            @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

            Good eve Brother, uh oh that means you will be lighting these web pages up tonight!! Wisdom in full effect mode. They better be ready. I am in the opposite direction, suffering from a migraine at moment. I know you will hold it down for us 😉 TGIFFFFFF INDEED.

            • January 8, 2016 - Reply

              @eLLe D.

              I’m sorry about you having a migraine. A lot of people have migraines during the Winter. You are so kind. 😉 I’m happy about Friday. The weekend will come tomorrow. We all have great wisdom to share as a community. I do feel very rejuvenated in my mind and in my soul.

              • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                Yea, I get them pretty regularly, just got to take it easy for a bit. It is good to hear about your rejuvenation–that is always a blessing! I look forward to the weekend, plan to partake in some rejuvenation myself!

                • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                  @eLLe D.

                  That’s great Sister. I wish you a great, Blessed Weekend.

                  • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                    @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                    And you know I wish the same for you! As always, I look forward to more lively discussion on these boards.

                    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

                      @eLLe D.

                      Thank you. You’re so Sweet Friend.

  6. January 7, 2016 - Reply

    The fact that a woman decides to shower with a man or even decides to lie on a man’s bed totally naked, doesn’t mean that she has contracted to have sex at all costs & so the man can force her if she says no. Consent during sex is continuous. You’re entitled to speak up at anytime and say “No please stop, this feels uncomfortable, I don’t want to” & have those views respected. There are times that someone might be having sex with someone & then they discover possible signs of an STD on the person & they are entitled at that stage to refuse to proceed etc. There are times that someone might be having sex & something doesn’t feel good or it feels painful or it triggers them- they too are entitled to have it all STOP when they protest. A woman doesn’t sign away her rights to her body because she bathes with a man or strips naked or whatever.

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @Queen Ekuba

      Why would you be in bed naked or shower with a man you’re not interested in? Yes rape is wrong but whatever happen to common sense.

      • January 8, 2016 - Reply

        @Mr logical guy

        Mr., many women are condemned for being raped. That’s the rape culture and it’s wrong; however, I agree that we have to guard ourselves from the evils without. It’s a cold, cruel world out there. If life were perfect, rapists would not exists and men, women, and children would be safe. Unfortunately, we all know this world is just the opposite. I do not agree with victim shaming, and even though the “personal responsibility” comments come up and are misconstrued as “victim blaming, I agree that we don’t dangle meat before a lion because he will bite.

      • January 11, 2016 - Reply

        @Mr logical guy

        Because different cultures and different people have different understandings in regards to what being naked means. There are cultures and people in existence today that don’t see nudity as a sign of an interest in sex.

        • January 11, 2016 - Reply

          @Patrice

          “Because different cultures and different people have different understandings in regards to what being naked means.”

          You’re being misleading. In some parts of Africa the women breast is not viewed in the same way as in other parts of Africa or the world. But even those women who live in areas where breast are not sexualized you will not find them totally naked in bed or showering in front of men they’re not married to or interested in. Women like you seem to think other women have absolutely no responsibility in keeping themselves safe and out of harms way. A lot of times a woman only self defense she has is common sense. But for some reason women like you wanna take that power away from them and put the blame on everyone else. Women have the power to say no but they also have the responsibility to not put themselves in bad situations. And that’s just common sense………

          • January 12, 2016 - Reply

            @Mr logical guy

            How am I being misleading? Different culture and different people really do have different views on nudity. How am I taking power away from any woman by saying different people and cultures have different views of nudity? If anything, you sound like you’re taking the responsibility for rape away from the rapist. How many instances of rape could be avoided if we spent less time teaching women to avoid men and more men to not rape?

            • January 13, 2016 - Reply

              @Patrice

              smh……..so you think you can reason with a rapist uh? You think you can shame a man who’s most likely a sociopath from raping a woman? You’re totally delusional. While you’re trying to reason with a sociopathic rapist, I’ll be teaching women how to protect themselves from those same sociopaths that you’re trying to reason with and we’ll see how far you get. You have an extremely dangerous mentality. I see common sense isn’t so common after all. Women like you throw all logic and rational out the window. Scary.

              • January 13, 2016 - Reply

                @Mr logical guy

                The dangerous mentality is your for spouting unsupported views about rape and sexual assault. I’m a law student and as part of my legal education, I had to do a section on rape and sexual assault. One of the issues was discussed is the aspect of the crime related to the mind set of the alleged rapist.

                First, most rapist aren’t sociopaths. Some rapist are taught that they have the right to have sex with a woman under almost any circumstances. I once read a case where the judge said that rape didn’t occur because even though the victim screamed for help and tried to run away, but didn’t physically fight back. Is he a sociopath or a product of a culture that says it’s not rape unless you physically fight back and are overpowered? (At the time, the law said that a woman must physically try and fight off her attacker, screaming for help is not enough.) This mentality is still alive today. A few years ago a UN report was published about why men rape, 70% of the men reported that they did so for sexual entitlement. A little over half of them said that the felt real guilt over what they had done. These are not sociopaths these are men who felt that had a right to have sex with a woman, saw the true ramifications of not getting full consent and then felt guilty of the act. Those 53% who felt guilty, imagine if someone set them down as young men and stressed the importance’s of getting consent.

                Second, teaching young boys what consent looks like could radically reduce instances in sexual assault. A few years ago, Jezebel did an article about a Reddits account where rapist talk about why they rape. A surprising number of the men admitted that it wasn’t until after the fact that the realized they raped the female in question. Nathan McCall, in the book Makes Me Wanna Holla, admitted that he and his friends would normally hide in closet while another friend was having sex with a girl. Once the first friend was done, they would jump out of the closet and begin having sex with the girl. It wasn’t until years later after speaking to women that this happened to that he realized what he was doing was wrong. He’s not a sociopath, he does feel guilty and ashamed about the act. Nevertheless, he is still a rapist who grew up in a culture/environment that told him pulling a train on an unsuspecting girl was perfectly acceptable.

                Of course common sense isn’t common, otherwise you would have done a little research into scientific studies related to sexual assault and rape statistics.

                • January 14, 2016 - Reply

                  @Patrice

                  Sociopaths – a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

                  …..it if walks like a duck

                  Sociopathic and narcissistic behavior are personality disorders that can be caused by internal and external factors. Just because you sit a child down and tell him not to kill, steal and rape is not a cure all for all future rapist and criminals. Which is why we should teach women how to protect themselves from potential sexually deviant men…….why do you have a problem with teaching women how to protect themselves or are you just being disagreeable for the sake of being disagreeable?

                  Serious question. If your brother was about to leave your house to go party in a extremely violent neighborhood 2am in the morning with gold chains on and money hanging out of his pocket what would you tell him?

        • January 11, 2016 - Reply

          @Patrice

          that’s a bunch of bull and you know it!

          • January 12, 2016 - Reply

            @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

            Wait, are you saying that different cultures and different people don’t have different views of nudity?

            • January 13, 2016 - Reply

              @Patrice

              We don’t live in other culture, what they do in other culture is ill-relevant to me until I visit other cultures, right now I live in America!

              • January 13, 2016 - Reply

                @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

                The story doesn’t take place in America. Even if the story does take place in America, Americans individually have different views on nudity.

                • January 14, 2016 - Reply

                  @Patrice

                  ok I am done! see what I am dealing with hereI

                  • January 17, 2016 - Reply

                    @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

                    I know, it must be supper difficult to talk to someone who actually reads articles and processes logic.

                    • January 17, 2016 - Reply

                      @Patrice

                      yep it’s supper difficult especially if that person is reading and believing a bunch of political correct, illogical, no common sense, ding bat 2+2=3, BS and believing that crap.

                      • January 21, 2016 - Reply

                        @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

                        You’re right, it is foolish of me to believe that different people and different cultures have different outlooks on nudity. It’s a completely illogical, no common sense, dig bat 2+2=3, BS crap to actually contemplate that different cultures are actually different.

  7. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    In all honesty, I think this woman really wanted to have sexual intercourse with this guy had he not acted quickly like an animal waiting to devour his prey. She changed her mind right when he started his king of the jungle domination. Hopefully he gets locked up for life and hopefully this horny chick who has no respect for herself and body learns from this experience… get to really know a guy before you put on your birthday suit in front of him.

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @Nonny C

      That’s probably right. I was thinking the same. Because of the circumstances though I don’t they’ll put him in jail for life. Anyway, this whole story is beyond bizarre.

  8. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    This entire situation is downright odd.

  9. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    That’s crazy it went that far. I hope this wasn’t staged to get her point across for the organization she was in town for. If so, she chose the right one. It’s like when they have cops pose as prostitutes, if you take the bait – it’s handcuffs for you. This guy had no self-control, and forcefully took the bait. Her point was proven, painfully, but her point was proven. No means no.

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @TastyTaco

      I was thinking the same thing about to being staged, but I’m hoping no one would be so crazy as to do that. Her Instagram posts show that she may be a lil off so who knows.

    • January 11, 2016 - Reply

      @TastyTaco

      she baited a honey pot and trap this man and if she keep on soon it’s going to back fire on her in the most brutal way.

  10. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    While I don’t think it was the best decision to have a shower with a drunk man, rape is a crime!!! Let’s be clear on that. The people who are shaming and blaming her for the rape are disgusting. And the one that said she deserved it ??

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @Mahogany

      “I don’t think it was the best decision to have a shower with a drunk man”

  11. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    This entire story is odd…from the beginning to the performance art like end. I have no idea what to think.

  12. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    This story is bizarre, I don’t really know what to make of it. I hope the women is receiving the help and support she needs.

  13. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    be honest here, just who is the victim here? In my opinion it’s NOT the one who is claiming to be the victim, it is NOT the activist who were on a mission to entrapped the man, it is NOT the activist who was on a mission to entrap a man and posted it in social media, in reality her she is NOT the victim here.

    • January 8, 2016 - Reply

      @trueletterson*vwfone@gmail.com

      You can’t be trapped if you don’t take the bait. period.point.blank.

      • January 8, 2016 - Reply

        @eLLe D.

        true! he took the bait, if I was younger and him she could have gotten me.

  14. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    This has to be one of the strangest stories I have ever read. This woman made the incomprehensible decision to take a shower with a STRANGER after rejecting his sexual advances. A STRANGER! I can’t help but believe she is mentally unstable.

  15. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    I do think the story is strange but I come to learn long ago that sexual assault cases doesn’t have to have a “neat” narrative the way some people think they do. Sexual assault is sexual assault and no is no. The fact that she said no to wanting his penis in her body should be enough. I am sure in hindsight she would have made a different decision about showering with him and being in that vulnerable position. But this story shows that women, we need to trust our instincts, the fact that he wanted to desperately get with her, followed her upstairs, suggesting a shower, kissing her despite her telling him she met someone is all major red flags. If her story helps one person then that is all that matters.

  16. January 8, 2016 - Reply

    If Shakir really did what he’s accused of then he should be in jail.

    Still, I don’t understand why a person would join a DRUNK, HETEROSEXUAL STRANGER in a shower. Buttnaked. Somebody help me here! I know it doesn’t justify rape but better safe than sorry.

    I feel as though the girl really wanted to smash the homie but because he wanted to proceed without foreplay she changed her mind halfway. Or maybe she has some kind of mental issues. Doesn’t make sense to me…

    It would difficult to prove the guy’s guilt in court. If he has a good lawyer he might just get a slap on the wrist or even get away with 187 altogether.

  17. January 11, 2016 - Reply

    “Amour, however, i undaunted…”

    is**

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