Yesha Callahan

Open Thread: Why Do People Stay After Multiple Affairs?

Tina-and-Teddy-Campbell

Tina Campbell’s marriage woes have played out on television during the last two seasons of  Mary, Mary. Tina’s husband, Teddy Campbell, has admitted to not only her, but the viewing audience, that he has had “countless affairs”.

Although Tina has not left her husband, even after the information was divulged, Teddy is still not forth coming with the number of times he’s cheated and is giving her droppings of information.  In a recent scene, Tina basically cracks when she’s discussing her marriage with her sister, Erica.  Not only is it heart breaking to look at, but it also shows the turmoil that she’s going through:

““You stole my life away from me. I’m angry. Why you gotta do me like this?! I was good to you, man!”

We all know that Teddy is a lying and cheating bastard, but where does one drawn the line after countless affairs and receiving the information about it?

When you continue to allow your life to be stolen away and the stress piling up from the situation, at what point do you pack your bags and leave? As a person that’s been cheated on, I always adhere to the “One Strike and You’re Out” rule of thumb. But I know plenty of men and women that tend to give extra chances and hope that it doesn’t happen again. And sometimes it doesn’t happen, other times you end up getting “Teddied”.

Clutchettes, why do you think people stay after multiple affairs & confessions of cheating?

  1. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    In my last relationship I gave lots of chances and I paid for it. I don’t know if it is because we never actually got counseling but I feel like I should have just walked away. I wanted to trust and I never could also didn’t help that he never actually stopped cheating. So I would drive myself crazy with my P.I. skills, then he would call me crazy and ultimately I found out my gut was right and I broke it off. My take away one strike you’re out.

  2. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    “the more you allow [a man] to cheat then allow him to come back, the less attractive you become… you become a victim to your own lack of self-love.”
    Carl A Roberts

    • April 9, 2014 - Reply

      @OSHH

      only a dude would make that comment. nobody “allows” a man to cheat. they do it & when they get caught the woman might allow him to come back. & that’s some bull about somebody becoming less attractive yet dude is still trying to come back. obviously they still are attractive if he wanna come back. dudes like to come up with a whole bunch of ways to blame women for the crap dudes do.

      • April 9, 2014 - Reply

        @Me

        @ Me

        EXACTLY!!!

      • April 9, 2014 - Reply

        @Me

        OSHH is a woman.

        • April 9, 2014 - Reply

          @Guest

          oshh quoted a dude

      • April 10, 2014 - Reply

        @Me

        I appreciate your reply however that quote is saying something totally different to me. What I got from it is you allow mistreatment by staying and dealing with it thus eroding your well being, self love worth and esteem. Love yourself enough to never tolerate less than treatment basically.

        • April 10, 2014 - Reply

          @OSHH

          Your interpretation of the quote is the same as mine. I think the poster should re-read it and then respond.

        • April 11, 2014 - Reply

          @OSHH

          “the less attractive you become” comes from the cheater’s point of view. being attractive has nothing to do w/self esteem. it’s all about how somebody else sees you. & to me only a dude would put it in that perspective which basically says i cheat on you because you don’t love yourself enough to stop letting me cheat so you’re too damaged for me to show you some kinda respect & everytime i disrespect you & get away w/it you make me wanna come back & do it again. that’s crazy double talk straight from a dude.

          • April 11, 2014 - Reply

            @Me

            I disagree, knowing that I am worthy of love, faithfulness etc has everything to do with self esteem. Being with someone who is true to me, that makes me feel beautiful and cherished is a direct result of how I see myself, not how the next person see’s me.
            If I stayed with a male that continuously cheated on me, then I am a willing victim, which has to be rooted in a lack of self worth, love, esteem, the worse I feel about myself, the less attractive I am no matter what I look like on the outside.

  3. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    I think your question is actually “Why do women stay after multiple affairs?”

    Because we all know only .09% of men stay after a wife has cheated on them multiple times.

    • April 9, 2014 - Reply

      @9Boots

      lol THANK YOU. ladies, lie to your man about cheating on him. if he stays, then he is a keeper.

      • April 9, 2014 - Reply

        @Vag Owner

        Right, if they aren’t ride or die then drop em.

    • April 9, 2014 - Reply

      @9Boots

      preach!

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @9Boots

      I don’t think this is true. I’ve known a number of men who stayed with women that cheated on them. And it’s just as sad to watch.

      • April 10, 2014 - Reply

        @SimplePseudonym

        Those men are an anomaly.

        • April 10, 2014 - Reply

          @9Boots

          Not at all. It’s quite common. Women just tend to be less all out and the open with their cheating (eg. women don’t bring side pieces around their friends as I’ve seen men do) and men seem to be quieter about it b/c they’re so embarrassed (though that should be a reflections on the cheating woman’s character and not their manliness), so it’s less likely to be noticed by those not in the relationship.

  4. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    There was a time when the purpose of “relationships” was known as courting to see if a person is a potential marriage partner. Now a days most people (read men) are not looking to get married. Instead they are hunting for new sex partners and they camouflage it under the title “girlfriend/boyfriend” which is a scam to get in your pants. So women need to be honest with themselves. A “boyfriend” that cheats is a red flag that he is not husband material and he should be banished from your presence.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @9Boots

      I took this from another arcle written on the subject.

      “The best estimates are that 20 percent of men are unfaithful compared to 15 percent of women. However, a recent study found that once women decide to cheat; they have more partners while doing so, 2.8 sexual partners compared to 1.8 for men to be exact. This study also notes that women statistically cheat earlier in the marriage, “While unfaithful men don’t have their first affair until almost six years of married life the average female cheater strays just five years after exchanging wedding vows.”

      Studies show that, overall, women are better liars than men – whether being a better liar makes you a better cheat is up for debate but I’m sure it doesn’t hurt – because they are “more psychologically sophisticated” than men. In other words, women are wired differently than men. As a result, women are less likely to get caught cheating since they are more sophisticated in their reasoning, justification, and even how they carry out doing so. While ninety-five percent of women have cheated and not been caught; only 83 percent of men can say the same.”

      I think it is a two(2) way street, woman are catching up if they havn’t already past men in the cheating arena. Also, I think that there may be a lot of men who have been cheated on who would never ever admit it to anyone.

      I think the men who find out about it simply don’t go on a “tour” to share it with anyone who will listen.

    • April 11, 2014 - Reply

      @9Boots

      the situation isn’t as simple as men not looking to get married. current data shows both men and women are waiting longer to get married: high 20s to early 30s. thus, there’s a bigger pool of women for men to choose from, thus making it difficult for women in general to find a partner if she hasn’t found one yet in her mid 20s. so for a woman in her 30s it may appear men don’t want to marry but the fact is she waited too long and is now competing with women in their 20s and 30s for the same pool of men. secondly, there’s very little incentive financial for men and women to marry these days. the trend is that highly educated/earning people are marrying each other at a much higher rate, and the marriage rate is down significantly for everyone else. there has never been a time in our history where women (in general) married men who were lower in their socio-economic scale than herself. as the education gap continues to widen (60-40 now), there’ll be even fewer marriageable men around, and the number of unmarried women will continue to increase.

      • April 11, 2014 - Reply

        @tigerthelion

        Women should not have sex with men they are not married to. The men ain’t worthy. The number one reason men (read BM) are delaying marriage or not getting married at all is due to the free sex market. ie. the ability to have sex without marriage.

        • April 11, 2014 - Reply

          @9Boots

          part of the women liberation movement is that women can have sex with anybody they want. whether they should or shouldn’t is immaterial. i don’t know the reason BM are delaying marriage but it’s very well documented why everyone else (including BM) are delaying marriage, some of which i’ve started. yes, free sex is one of the reason but i don’t see why you’d highlight BM. are they any different from the general trend? i don’t see how they’re different from anyone regardless of race or gender so please educate me on that.

          • April 11, 2014 - Reply

            @tigerthelion

            “whether they should or shouldn’t is immaterial.” Incorrect, it is not beneficial to engage in behavior that is self destructive. I highlight BM because they have the lowest marriage rate.

            • April 11, 2014 - Reply

              @9Boots

              yes, engaging in behavior that is self destructive is not beneficial but i fail to see how grown adults engaging in sexual activities is necessarily a bad behavior. how did you arrive at such a conclusion? that was the whole point of the woman liberation movement wasn’t it? if having the freedom to sleep with multiple partners isn’t your thing, that’s perfectly fine but other grown adults have the right to do what they choose to do with their bodies – including not getting married because there’s sex available virtually for a free.
              to that point, the marriage rate for black men and black women are virtually identical so what you’re saying about blackmen equally applies to blackwomen, it’d seem.

              • April 11, 2014 - Reply

                @tigerthelion

                Not everyone was on board with the sexual revolution.
                Bad behavior causes: one in four people have herpes, 23 million new std cases a year, black people overrepresenting HIV cases, 52% of black children not living in the same home with their fathers, 40% of black kids in poverty, 75% out of wedlock rate, a 40 million black population that would actually be 52 million had 12 million black babies not been aborted, 37% of the foster care system made up of black children, lowest marriage rate, highest murder rate with black people the most likely of all people to be murdered at three times the white population, 60% of black girls raped/sexually abused by age 18, rampant misogyny, hyper masculinity,and low self esteem.

                Everyone suffers when two adults have childish ways.

                • April 11, 2014 - Reply

                  @9Boots

                  sure, not everyone was (and still )onboard with the sexual revolution but it’s the state of affairs and there’s nothing you and i can do about it. people are going to do what they wanna do and unless we as a society are willing to punish people for their bad behavior, we’re sure to get more of said behavior. in the case of people having sex, getting pregnant and having babies as a result, it’s slightly complex. sure, we can advocate for government to not provide any support for people having sex, especially those with children, but the end result is that children will starve as a result and that’s something society can’t stomach. so what’s the solution? there’s many incentive for people not to marry because the benefit a person is willing to get when they’re single and with children can be a lot more than they’re likely to get by getting married to a low earning partner, so what’s the incentive to marry? none, but there’s nothing stopping people from having sex and one thing leads to the next and all the social ills you have highlighted. it isn’t a simple solution to fix and no finger pointing or judging can solve that. you as an individual can steer your life in the way you want but as far as other people goes, there’s nothing you and i can do.

                  • April 11, 2014 - Reply

                    @tigerthelion

                    Have you ever heard of something called “enlightenment” or “change”? There is an incentive for people to change. The incentive is avoiding the drama that results in being used for sex. Black women are waking up and are seeing the light and are changing direction. You shall see.

                    • April 11, 2014 - Reply

                      @9Boots

                      that’s great but you’re betting on hope. my position is if society rewards certain behavior, we’re more likely to get more of that behavior. people don’t wake and just change. it has never happened in history and i don’t see why it will. for change to happen, there must be a catalyst, a revolution of some sort and i simply don’t see it. promiscuity is at all time high and the sexual revolution has made sex incredibly cheap. before, the average men had to get married (and all the responsibility that comes with that) to have sex. today, women want to have sex just as men do and men don’t have to compete and prove their worth anymore. for society as a whole, sex is a commodity, which can be bought and sold. in my part of the world, one of the topics of the day is the legalization of prostitution. things can only get worse from here and men/women who still subscribe to traditional ideals simply can’t compete with free.

                      • April 11, 2014 - Reply

                        @tigerthelion

                        History is nothing but change and revolutions. Philosophies and ideologies rising and falling. Have you heard of a man named Jesus? He causes people to do complete 180s. In the U.S.A change is coming for BW.

              • April 19, 2014 - Reply

                @tigerthelion

                STD = self destructive

  5. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    Women stay because attractive men are not as replaceable/expendable as attractive women.

    Also, for men it is too much to overcome when your woman cheats on you. Just get a new broad.

    • April 9, 2014 - Reply

      @Adonis

      Adonis, you must be a 19 year old male teenager to believe in that double standard you expressed in your comment.

      • April 9, 2014 - Reply

        @ALM247

        Adonis is the reason Single Black Male lost some readers. His comments ran them off and SBM did nothing about him.

      • April 9, 2014 - Reply

        @ALM247

        @Alm247 Older, but I live in the real world. Men are harder to replace. Deal with it.

        • April 9, 2014 - Reply

          @Adonis

          Adonis, I reject both of your comments wholesale. Have a great day.

        • April 9, 2014 - Reply

          @Adonis

          To be honest being alone is a way better option than being with a lying cheater who might give you a disease, wreck your self-esteem, and might very well leave you anyway. Men might be harder to replace in your opinion (I don’t agree) but I rather replace a loser with nobody than stay out of fear of not finding someone else.

        • April 10, 2014 - Reply

          @Adonis

          QUALITY men and women are difficult to find, in general. If you leave a relationship because of cheating, I’d argue that you didn’t have quality in the first place, so you’ve lost nothing that is worth replacing.

          What is easy for men to replace is a wet, warm hole…but even that replacement is a temporary one and doesn’t replace a quality woman.

          • April 10, 2014 - Reply

            @KnottyNatural

            Right Knotty, if all you require is a warm body then that can be had quite easily by either sex. Now when you get into things like true compatibility, chemistry, shared values, someone who gets the you of you and vice versa…. you know the things that really bond and connect folk, then what you’ll find is, that ain’t so easy to come by.

      • April 9, 2014 - Reply

        @ALM247

        Well as unpopular as you may believe there’s actually evolutionary evidence that supports that statement. What men find attractive in women is really just physical appearance. What women find attractive in men is more personality based. The man’s personality ages better than the woman’s physical appearance

        • April 10, 2014 - Reply

          @Kenan

          It’s not personality-based, but rather professional and financial success-based. Either way, I agree that- on average- men seem more likely to date/marry a placeholder than women are, from my observation (which might be a reason why they are more likely to cheat).

    • April 9, 2014 - Reply

      @Adonis

      I surmise that if a person thinks ‘men are not as replaceable/expendable as attractive women’ it is because she/he has difficulty viewing women as full human beings.

  6. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    i think some ppl do it to keep their word. it is less about their partner and more about keeping their word to the lord. but we constantly lie to the lord. “lord, help me out this situation and i’ll be in church every sunday here on out” come sunday you’re sitting on your couch in dirty boxers browsing fb.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @Vag Owner

      Religion is the biggest problem when it comes to marriages failing. People stay together to fulfill some Christian ideal of what marriage is supposed to be but it is not natural. Religion is a tool used by really scared people who are afraid to accept that maybe the world is not so simple. Since they cannot come up with answers themselves they believe in illogical things like the earth being created in 7 days and a man born of a virgin woman. It is not possible for a virgin woman to give birth. We suspend reality all the time when it comes to religion and we do the same when it comes to marriage. This is the reason why there are so many divorces and the people who stay together suffer the same issues too, they just pretend they don’t.

      • April 10, 2014 - Reply

        @Anon Woman

        Suspending reality is the thought that you can get something from nothing aka the universe and life,

        • April 10, 2014 - Reply

          @9Boots

          Suspended reality is believing without proof and feeling that this is absolute truth where the person who asks for proof to believe is told they are the dreamer. You did not answer the question: can a virgin woman give birth and conceive? Thank you.

          • April 11, 2014 - Reply

            @Anon Woman

            You did not ask me the question that is why you did not receive a reply. My answer is yes. Can nonliving material produce the cell?

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @Vag Owner

      Agree, Christianity is a problem in this situation. Tina is rightfully pissed off, hating her husband and feeling like she’s done and ready to leave.

      Anyone thinking from a rational point of view would understand her feelings. Yes, please, get him out of your life, he’s untrustworthy…run for the hills as fast as you can – don’t look back!

      Then there’s Erica, dropping illogical advice, saying to pray and be positive? STFU! Don’t listen to her Tina, that’s how you live a life where, on your death bed, you’ll regret sacrificing your happiness for a lying sack of you-know-what.

      After all, lust is a Cardinal sin, and infidelity (if you believe those sorts of things). Meaning, I’m sure your Jesus won’t be blaming you for your d-bag husband! 🙂

      • April 10, 2014 - Reply

        @Dawn

        i think i expresses myself incorrectly. in HER HEAD she’s doing it to keep the promise, but in reality she doesn’t keep all of her promises to the lord. the ones she choose to keep are the ones SHE CHOOSES.

  7. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    I have not watched this season of “Mary Mary”, but I have read various items about this situation on multiple websites. In the most recent item, I heard that Tina may have expressed that she regrets that she disclosed so much about the affairs and that she blames herself for being on the road so much.

    If you are going to blame yourself, then you are probably going to stay in the relationship. By placing the blame on yourself, you believe that you can “fix” him and “prevent” him from cheating.

    The part that really got to me was that one of the items expressed that at least one of the women Teddy cheated with was a very good friend of Tina’s.

    I was watching tv the other day and I realized that there seems to be a trend going on. Women are catching their so called “friends” in bed with their husbands, fiancees, etc. It seems as if a lot of people no longer respect the boundaries of relationships. What gets me is that oftentimes the women are asking for advice, i.e. “How do I forgive this “friend” and mend our relationship”?

    My response is, if you think that other woman is your friend, I would hate to see how your enemies treat you. The answer is, there is no relationship. Unless that woman gave you a kidney, you don’t owe her anything.

  8. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    If someone cheats it’s a sign of immaturity. They simply have not decided to become adults, instead they act as if they are teenagers as oppose to grown men and women. There is no reason for this and no one should not put up with this childish behavior. The lack of commitment is not something that can be fixed by their partner.

  9. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    When reporting on these topics, could you please leave the name-calling out of it? The ‘cheating bastard’ quip was unnecessary and unprofessional on your part. If Tina chooses to stay with her husband, then that’s her prerogative and her business. It is not your place to support her in one instance, and then turn around and disrespect her by calling her man a ‘cheating bastard.’ I’m sure she has called him a few choice names herself, but Teddy is TINA’S husband, not yours! IMO, because of articles such as this, Tina should have kept her marital woes off the show and out of the spotlight. All it has done is bring out the gossips and the card carrying members of the ‘she-should-have-done-this-that-or-the-other’ club. I’m not defending Teddy, nor am I defending his actions, but at the end of the day, even if you don’t agree with her choice, IT’S HER CHOICE. Please show some respect for her decision and her feelings. You don’t have to like Teddy, but respect Tina enough to not call the man out of his name.

    • April 9, 2014 - Reply

      @newme

      DAMN! Tina is that you?

      • April 12, 2014 - Reply

        @chanela

        Damn, Chanela, no it’s not Tina. Strike a nerve, did I?

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @newme

      I agree somewhat. But when you put your business out….. Just as she chose to stay with him, she also decided to tell the world what he did and her reaction to it. So if a reader decides to call him a “cheating bastard” that’s their choice for what has been shown. You can’t pick and choose how people are going to respond to your actions. So ITS HER CHOICE as the reader and responder to call him what she feels he is.

      • April 12, 2014 - Reply

        @my 2 cents

        That’s the point of my entire response. SHE SHOULD HAVE KEPT HER BUSNESS TO HERSELF. All of this back and forth about how she ‘put herself out there’ has people believing they’ve been given license to put their two cents in and get personal. Just because she close to put her business out there does not mean people have to choose to get nasty. It’s hypocritical to supposedly support her, then disrespect her husband. Whatever happened between Teddy and Tina should have stayed between Teddy and Tina and GOD. What good has calling him out of his name done, and furthermore, who has benefited from it, be it Tina or the so-called supporters? People are jumping into this thing as if they have a personal stake in the outcome.

        • April 12, 2014 - Reply

          @newme

          You don’t want the negative responses? Then keep it to yourself. I keep all personal business personal. That’s because I don’t always want to hear everyone’s opinion. But when I decide to tell, I rather good with the bad. I can’t tell people how they should feel. Hey. I agree that it would be nice to just say OK and let it be. But hey….. not gonna happen.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @newme

      I 100% disagree. It’s not naming calling if it’s true. He is a “cheating bastard.” She’s calling a spade a spade. Would you prefer “Unfaithful A&*hole?” (Also a true statement about him, not slander).

      And I think it may be better that she put her biz out there. If her personal circle is giving her advice as bad as her sister’s (go pray about it, and work on forgetting about it, WTF?), then I’m glad some of us can tell her, “THIS IS CRAZY, SERIOUSLY RUN FOR THE HILLS! WHO THE HECK STAYS IN A SITUATION WHERE THEY FEEL TORTURED? YOU WILL BE HAPPIER!”

      • April 12, 2014 - Reply

        @Dawn

        Do you know EVERYTHING that has happened between Tina and Teddy, or are you going by what you see in an EDITED 1-hour ‘reality’ show that TINA and ERICA have control over? What YOU see is what THEY ARE ALLOWING YOU TO SEE. therefore, YOU are in NO position to judge. You may think it’s better for her to put her biz out there because it is for YOUR entertainment. Marital woes, family issues, problems with children should NOT be fodder for the public. People are always jumping on the ‘what you need to do’ bandwagon and for the most part don’t have a clue what’s going on in someone else’s household.

  10. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    Cheating is a crime of opportunity. Men/women who cheat repeatedly on the same person has no respect for said individual but doesn’t have the balls to leave the relationship. Repeat cheating is an easy way out of the relationship versus standing up and admitting there is a problem and you want out. He’s waiting for her to “man up” and walk away from him. She blames herself because that’s easiest and it lets him off the hook of being the bad guy for leaving his family for another woman. Understandably, they have 5 kids together. Sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel and walk away.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @Trese

      I think you bring up an excellent point. Especially when some people are made to feel guilty for not “sticking through it”. The possibility of this type of manipulation occurring in the relationship should always be considered. It’s conniving and cowardly.

      Think thrice before you decide to grin and bear it through any type of disrespect for the sake of keeping a union. You could really end up emotionally and psychologically harming yourself in the end.

  11. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    I used to think all of what is said here then I realize sometimes people cheat because you can love more than one person at a time. I know this is unpopular but I feel a man who cheats may love his main woman and the woman he is cheating on. Sorry, just keeping it real. Who says we can’t love more than one person at a time?

    • April 9, 2014 - Reply

      @Anon Woman

      Does that mean the man loved ALL those women he cheated with or did he just want some new cookie?

      • April 9, 2014 - Reply

        @9Boots

        Sometimes he just wants new cookie, sometimes he is just cruel, sometimes he is also in love with more than one person. We are taught that we can only love one person at a time for the rest of our lives. I don’t believe this anymore. I don’t like the lying that goes with cheating but unfortunately in this society, people cannot be honest and say “I love you but I need to see other people” because the significant other would go berserk. It is not natural to think the person you meet at 25 and marry is going to be the only person you can love for the rest of your life. It is ridiculous. Not natural. Of course there are major health issues in sleeping with more than one person. That I think people need to be careful about but it is not natural to love just one person. Do you love only one friend in your life? Don’t you have room to love all your friends?

        • April 9, 2014 - Reply

          @Anon Woman

          Friends don’t have sex with each other. Sex is powerful and completely changes everything. Having multiple sex partners destroys society.

          • April 10, 2014 - Reply

            @9Boots

            So does marriage and forcing yourself to believe in this antiquated system which was introduced to society as a way to get more people to work the land. It was an economic idea. Marriage is not natural. People can love several people. If the concept exists within friendships and family relations then why do we believe it cannot exist in intimate relationships? We are able to love more than one person at a time. The reason marriages fail so much is because we have unnatural expectations that marriage doesn’t address: no human being can go through their entire life (from like 25 to age 80) loving one person. That is not realistic. 65 years of loving one person? Come on. Sex is not the issue in marriage, feelings are. We inevitably feel for other people. Sex is the least of it. We just pretend we don’t have these feelings so we can fit into a neat little box that society forces on all of us.

            • April 10, 2014 - Reply

              @Anon Woman

              I most definitely agree that we can have romantic love for more than one person and just because we marry doesnt mean our hearts have shut off. But, while I agree that we can love more than one person I dont believe we can be completely devoted to two people.

              • April 10, 2014 - Reply

                @Chrissy

                It is done in African all the time in polygamous relationships.

                • April 11, 2014 - Reply

                  @Anon Woman

                  I know that there are different types of open relationships but I still don’t believe you can be devoted completely if you have many partners.

                  Lets say you have four friends and yall are going out. To the movies, out to eat, whatever. All of your friends want to spend their time with you and they want all of your attention separately. You might love all of them but you are most definitely going to have a hard time giving them all the same attention. Your attention is going to have to be divided or some of your friends are going to have to accept less time.

                  Another example would be a man who has a wife and children at home, but he has a mistress who also has a child with him. He may love both families but it is likely that his wife will get most of him while the mistress gets what he has left or when he has time.And if he chooses to give his mistress more time then he would be spending less time at home with his wife

                  So I do believe we can love many people even romantically, but it is not likely that we can give many people equal devotion unless it is divided. That works for some people though

            • April 10, 2014 - Reply

              @Anon Woman

              “Marriage is unnatural”. Wrong. Take a look at the black community and see the results of what happens without marriage.

              • April 10, 2014 - Reply

                @9Boots

                The problems of the Black community do not solely or only stem from lack of marriage nor does marriage save other cultures. Marriage is an economic arrangement. It is not natural. Other cultures are doing well because they have the resources but also because as a community they hold their parents and children accountable. They demand that their kids learn and do anything they can to make sure that happens. We have lost touch with our sense of community responsibility and no amount of marrying anybody will fix that.

                • April 11, 2014 - Reply

                  @Anon Woman

                  All hell breaks loose when fathers do not care whether or not if their children eat, have clothing, or shelter due to the reason that their children are the byproducts of knocking boots and not marriage.

              • April 12, 2014 - Reply

                @9Boots

                TELL IT!!

                • April 12, 2014 - Reply

                  @newme

                  It’s obvious some people are wearing “Denial Goggles”.

        • April 9, 2014 - Reply

          @Anon Woman

          I am not able to make sense of how a person loving their friends can be compared to a man who has extramarital affairs.

          • April 10, 2014 - Reply

            @Riyo.Chiasa

            Because you choose not to understand it. We are talking about the heart and how it is able to divide itself amongst many people. As we are able to love many people in our lives, why do we believe that we automatically shut down that ability when it comes to intimate relationships and are ONLY able to love one person? We have the ability to love infinitely, it is the greatest gift humans have. Our love is boundless so that means you can marry someone at 25 and at 30, might meet someone else who you can fall in love with as well. There is no rule. The rules are imposed by society but they are not rules that the heart can follow. The mind follows them but not the heart. The heart is ever feeling no matter what the rules say.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @Anon Woman

      No one is arguing that one can’t love more than one at a time. the crux is the issue is dishonesty. Grown people should be responsible enough to remain faithful, period. that’s something that you most certainly CAN control.

  12. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    You can not be mad at any woman who doesn’t leave a man that cheats. It’s easier for a man to find love than it is for a woman. IT’s why we heard our grandmother’s say “marry a man who loves you more than you love him.” When you think about it, grandma had a point.

    It’s always difficult for women to start over. Men re-marry quicker after divorce and/or the death of a spouse. Women always take longer simply because it’s a process vetting a man. When women stay with cheaters it’s not always because they’re weak. Some of them are just realist.

    For example. Lebron James “best basketball player on the planet” Just got married last year to his high school girlfriend…YOU THINK HE WAS FAITHFUL ALL THAT TIME!? Jay-z was “talking” to beyonce since the crazy in love video…YOU THINK HE WASN’T SLEEPING AROUND? In some circumstances it’s just easier to accept reality.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @Kenan

      But the erosion of one’s self esteem and well being is so concerning. Being cheated on constantly, how does one avoid feeling inadequate? Is being in a relationship worth it when you have to wrestle with all that toxicity?

      Cheating is hardly a benign act. What about stds? What about a love child that will now affect the finances of your household. What if the other woman/women become obsessive. Why can’t people just be honest. Why pretend you want monogamy if that is not the case? It all seems so destructive.

  13. April 9, 2014 - Reply

    When most of our best and brightest men go for looks over substance many of us are left with scraps thinking we don’t deserve better. We got a whole lot of unlearning to do.

  14. April 10, 2014 - Reply

    🙁 So sad…

    I think people stay b/c the betrayal of a cheating husband is so demoralizing that they give up on the idea of a faithful man. After such a great betrayal, I think some women decide that they’d prefer to stay with the cheating man that they do know, than to turn their lives upside-down for a divorce to probably end up with another cheating man. But this is speculation: not married and never have been cheated on, but that’s what makes sense to me.

  15. April 10, 2014 - Reply

    its cheaper to keep him ( i have heard stories of people losing half of
    their retirements in divorce)? or maybe they are afraid of starting
    over? i don’t know why she staying but it probably involves jesus

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @ashleydark

      ” But I tell you, Whoever dismisses and repudiates and divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unfaithfulness (sexual immorality), causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who has been divorced commits adultery.” Jesus Christ Matthew 5:32 (AMP)

      Jesus ain’t forcing nobody to stay. Adultery has always been grounds for divorce but it is up to the spouse to make that choice.

      • April 10, 2014 - Reply

        @9Boots

        judging from the clip thats what it seems like sister is trying to make her do, so she maybe doing it under religious pressure

        • April 10, 2014 - Reply

          @ashleydark

          Exactly! People always pressure women to stay and then try to use The Lord but those people doing the pressuring need to give a balanced perspective.

      • April 10, 2014 - Reply

        @9Boots

        “Jesus ain’t forcing nobody to stay. Adultery has always been grounds
        for divorce but it is up to the spouse to make that choice.”

        Yep, you’re right about that.

        • April 10, 2014 - Reply

          @Stacy L.

          I will never let anyone try to feed me that nonsense saying that I “need to stay in the name of Jesus”. Nope.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @ashleydark

      She may want to check the laws in her state. Since he’s publicly confessing his cheating ways, serial cheating at that, he may not be able to get too much of anything from her. I’ve seen the show a few times, and from what I gather from her personality, she’s probably going to end up divorcing him.

      • April 11, 2014 - Reply

        @Stacy L.

        no fault divorce is the law in every state. he may not be getting anything from her but he’s entitled to half of everything they’ve build together.

  16. April 10, 2014 - Reply

    Men are doing all the cheating but then have the nerve to bitch about women initiating most of the divorces.

    I don’t know why people stay after ONE affair let alone many.

    Me, I wouldn’t do it. I would divorce his ass and seek alimony, child support, the house, the dog, etc.

    It might be harder for women to “move on” to the next man, but it sure as hell ain’t hard to break the bastard that destroyed the family. The courts favor women, especially when men cheat. I say use them. You can hit that man exactly where it hurts the most: his pockets.

    • April 10, 2014 - Reply

      @Ask_Me

      Agreed 100%, get out!

      And this whole bit trying to scare women into staying with cheating men “because they will have a hard time getting with another” is BS.

      I’ve had many friends who left bad situations – and stayed longer in those situations than they should’ve out of fear of being alone – who then met lovely, moral men to whom they’re now married. They had to leave the trash to find the gold.

      Don’t let fear of being divorced and alone keep you in a miserable situation. Get out, lots of great men exist. Why settle for a douchebag in hopes that he’ll one day get his act together (all the time you go on to live a suspicious, untrusting, resentful life with him? What’s the point?) He blew it, not you.

  17. April 10, 2014 - Reply

    I think people (women) stay out of fear of starting over and being alone especially if there are children involved, some would prefer to deal with the devil they know then to go out there and end up with a different kind of devil. Tina has all them kids and I think she also got complacent in her marriage and family life so for her to pick up and start fresh would be a struggle for her.
    Me personally, I have -0.00000% tolerance for cheating, I am not mentally and emotionally built for it; us Scorpios — we rarely forgive and we most definitely NEVER EVA FORGET but hey I am not knocking her or anybody who can.

  18. April 10, 2014 - Reply

    Wow! This is really sad.

    I don’t know if it is more upsetting that she stayed or the fact her personal life is played out for all of us to see. I can’t answer why she is staying with this man, bu maybe a better question is, did he display this behavior when they were in relationship?

  19. April 10, 2014 - Reply

    *sigh* While I believe it’s possible to like, even love, two people at the same, I’d say in the long run this situation doesn’t work–even in poly-amorous relationships. Time and time again I’ll read or hear stories from (mostly) women who decide to share a man or tolerate his cheating. Someone is always unhappy in the arrangement, but hardly ever the man. Even in situations where the roles are reversed and it’s two men openly sharing one woman (a rare occurrence), someone eventually decides they can’t live with being second best. Reality tv is rife with situations like these, and so is real life, and I have rarely witnessed a happy ending. We are, by nature, territorial and jealous beings. Even God is described as being a jealous God–He wants us to Himself. Believe me, all the big players out there who may love stepping out on their woman would pitch a fit if she did the same. I had a male friend who dogged his wife out by cheating on her with everyone and anyone. He was good-looking, educated and had money. She figured since she got the ring and the title as his main woman, she didn’t really have anything to complain about–until she got gonorrhea which left her infertile. Meanwhile, he had two kids outside the marriage and he’s on the hook for child support which has put a serious dent in their finances. When he lost his job because of sexual harassment on the job, she finally woke up. She didn’t leave the marriage right away–she dated secretly and made her move when the other man said he wouldn’t continue sneaking around. So she asked my friend for a divorce. He called her a whore, slut, skank, etc. He lost his damn mind. As much as he enjoyed cheating on her (had a side girl even at this point), he was extremely pissed that she did him “dirty” as he liked to say. When you really love someone, you don’t like to share. I find when someone is willing to be shared or share, there’s a lack of self-respect or a lack of genuine love respectively. At some point, you get tired new a** and just want to be with one person. Color me traditional if you want, but that’s my two cents.

    • April 12, 2014 - Reply

      @shybookworm

      You just preached!

  20. April 10, 2014 - Reply

    If you cheated yourself, then you are patient with other indiscretions.

  21. April 12, 2014 - Reply

    People are making may comments about ‘cheating men,’ but what about the women they’re cheating with? What isn’t anyone calling the women out, and where is all the information and stats abut them? These men are not cheating by themselves?

    • April 14, 2014 - Reply

      @newme

      I’m actually glad to read people calling out the husband, as usually the women are at each others’ throats, fighting over a man.

  22. April 19, 2014 - Reply

    They because of money, children, religion, not thinking they can get/deserve better.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: