(f?ng’k?) Feet

Picture this scenario. You’re relaxing on the couch and enjoying a movie after an evening date with a tall, handsome recently retired NFL star. The two of you get comfortable and remove your shoes and start to stretch out on the couch. After a few minutes, you take in a deep breath and the scent of Fritos lingers across your nasal passage. You look down at your feet and realize that you’ve never had an odor problem in regards to your feet.

The only obvious explanation is that it’s the other person’s feet! Now, you think to yourself, “If I can smell this stench, I’m sure they can too!”. Where are the odor eaters when you need them?
Yes, people, his feet smelled horrible. It was like I was sitting on top of Frito mountain in the middle of Summer. Hot. (f?ng’k?). Feet. How appetizing, especially after a dinner of seafood!
I tried to squirm to the other side of the couch but of course he moved in closer and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to breath through my mouth, just so I could smell as little as possible. That did not work. I thought to myself, “Does he not smell his feet?”. I realize this is a common problem for men, but if you’re 30-something years old, your feet have been (f?ng’k?) for a while, it didn’t just happen over night!

It was hard to pay attention to the movie, because all I could think of is how am I going to approach the subject. Should I blatantly come out and tell this 6’6 man that his feet stink, maybe he should go and wash them and put his shoes outside to air out? Or, should I just sit there and grin and bear it? I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before the movie ended so I just sat there breathing through my mouth for the rest of the evening.
A few days later we spoke on the phone and it took every ounce of energy for me NOT to say something about his feet. Eventually I blurted out, “You really should throw away those shoes you wore the other night, they’re causing your feet to stink”. There was a few seconds of awkward silence and he started laughing. He told me I was the first woman to mention the fact that his feet smelled and that he appreciated it and that he’ll definitely invest in some foot powder and get rid of his problem shoes.
Who knew it would have been that easy. I wish I would have said something while we were watching the movie, because I would have actually been able to pay attention to it, instead of trying to divert myself from the (f?ng’k?) feet!
Move over Dr. School’s, Japan has minty insoles!