Recently I’ve been exploring the aspects of the ‘dating’ world and needless to say, it’s been quite interesting. So interesting, I don’t even know where to begin. The whole experience recently has been quite daunting.
Dating actually reminds me of a Starbucks. Although I’m not a coffee drinker, I do frequent the place with friends/coworkers occasionally. Every time I go, I’m amazed at the menu. All of these coffees/chai/cappuccinos/frappucinos/venti/grande are quiet confusing and so is dating.
I guess being that I’m such a picky person, I tend to dissect EVERYTHING about a person. I can literally size up a man in less than 10 seconds, from head to toe. It seems as though the men I’ve recently met and/or gone out on dates with all seem as though they’ve jumped off the menu of a Starbucks.
Mr. Short Caramel Frappucino
Typically I have a height requirement when it comes to me. I like my men to be at least 6’1, because at 5’10 I tend to tower over anyone shorter than that when I have on heels. This guy was originally from NYC so that was a plus and he’s been in the area for about 10 years. When we first started to talk he wasn’t shy to tell me that he prefer his women to work out. He wanted to know what gym I worked out at and why didn’t I go more often. I told him currently that I run after an 8 yr old most of the day so that’s more than enough for me. I also explained to him that although I probably could afford to loose about 10 lbs, that he’s way shorter than the men I would even normally give a second glance to, so how about him gaining about 4 inches being that he was only 5’8. What was also leary about him was his enthusiasm to let me know that he was a DC cop. As if that impressed me. So I decided to ‘name’ drop. Of course out of the bunch of cops that I know in DC he didn’t know any of them and specifically one from his own unit. How ironic. Gotta love a liar. In any event, after that first ‘date’ there was the automatic ‘disconnect’. Toodles Officer Short Caramel Frappucino!
Mr. Tall Vanilla Bean Frappucino
I’m a sucker from anyone with a New York accent. It reminds me of home and is always welcoming to hear instead of the country accents that I come across living in the MD/DC/VA area. So here comes Mr. Tall Vanilla Bean Frappucino. Originally from Long Island, tall (6’1), Italian guy. We talked about everything from how odd some people are down here, how we can’t find any good pizza or the opposite sex. Typically, I wouldn’t normally be attracted to him physically, but his personality is what stood out. The first thing he said is that I reminded him of Janet Jackson, but then he quickly changed that to PENNY from “Good Times”. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been referred to as ‘cute’ so many times in my life. We decided that we would have to hang out again and meet up for some drinks. The next day I received an email from him saying that he thought I would be ‘thicker’ in person. I had to blink and re-read the email b/c I think I’m ‘plenty’ thick…LMAO! No one has ever made any complaints about any of my ASSets. I told a few friends what he said and my guy friends think he may mean that he likes women with BIGGER BREASTS. FYI, I’m proud of my C’s! In any event, I recently spoke with him and brought up the email and he started to laugh. He let me know that he actually prefer “THICKER” women, I’m like damn. I can’t win worth trying. He’s not even someone I would normally ‘date’ and here he is complaining about my lack of “THICKNESS”! Damned if you’re thick, damned if you’re not!
Mr. Venti Mocha Frappucino
What can I say about this guy. I mean damn, he was gorgeous. 6’7, nice smooth skin, smelled good, dressed nice. Seemingly PERFECT physically. Our conversations were always great, so I really didn’t’ have any complaints until when we finally met, HE OPENED HIS MOUTH!
My handsome Mr. Venti Mocha Frappucino suddenly started to look like this:
I swear I couldn’t stop staring at this man’s mouth! He had the worst teeth I’ve ever seen! Brown, rotten, crooked, piled on top of each other!! Now, why is this man driving a brand new car and not have his teeth fixed??? If you have credit to finance a car, you can finance some cosmetic dentistry. I’m sorry, I can over look someones height, and a few other things, but TEETH, I cannot look past those! The next day I logged onto the Lumineers (a form of veneers) website and sent in an inquiry using his email address and phone number, hopefully a consultation will soon follow!
In any event, dating is hard work. You have to sift through so many damn frappucinos until you find the one that’s perfect for you. Then, who’s to say that they’re actually ‘perfect’ for you. I know alot of women who settle just out of the frustration of trying to find the one they really want. I refuse to settle, and in life, I’m not drinking coffee…I prefer my men to be similar to a fine wine. Plus, I’m lactose intolerant.