Yesha Callahan

Dating Starbucks Style

Recently I’ve been exploring the aspects of the ‘dating’ world and needless to say, it’s been quite interesting. So interesting, I don’t even know where to begin. The whole experience recently has been quite daunting.

Dating actually reminds me of a Starbucks. Although I’m not a coffee drinker, I do frequent the place with friends/coworkers occasionally. Every time I go, I’m amazed at the menu. All of these coffees/chai/cappuccinos/frappucinos/venti/grande are quiet confusing and so is dating.

I guess being that I’m such a picky person, I tend to dissect EVERYTHING about a person. I can literally size up a man in less than 10 seconds, from head to toe. It seems as though the men I’ve recently met and/or gone out on dates with all seem as though they’ve jumped off the menu of a Starbucks.

Mr. Short Caramel Frappucino

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Typically I have a height requirement when it comes to me. I like my men to be at least 6’1, because at 5’10 I tend to tower over anyone shorter than that when I have on heels. This guy was originally from NYC so that was a plus and he’s been in the area for about 10 years. When we first started to talk he wasn’t shy to tell me that he prefer his women to work out. He wanted to know what gym I worked out at and why didn’t I go more often. I told him currently that I run after an 8 yr old most of the day so that’s more than enough for me. I also explained to him that although I probably could afford to loose about 10 lbs, that he’s way shorter than the men I would even normally give a second glance to, so how about him gaining about 4 inches being that he was only 5’8. What was also leary about him was his enthusiasm to let me know that he was a DC cop. As if that impressed me. So I decided to ‘name’ drop. Of course out of the bunch of cops that I know in DC he didn’t know any of them and specifically one from his own unit. How ironic. Gotta love a liar. In any event, after that first ‘date’ there was the automatic ‘disconnect’. Toodles Officer Short Caramel Frappucino!

Mr. Tall Vanilla Bean Frappucino

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I’m a sucker from anyone with a New York accent. It reminds me of home and is always welcoming to hear instead of the country accents that I come across living in the MD/DC/VA area. So here comes Mr. Tall Vanilla Bean Frappucino. Originally from Long Island, tall (6’1), Italian guy. We talked about everything from how odd some people are down here, how we can’t find any good pizza or the opposite sex. Typically, I wouldn’t normally be attracted to him physically, but his personality is what stood out. The first thing he said is that I reminded him of Janet Jackson, but then he quickly changed that to PENNY from “Good Times”. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been referred to as ‘cute’ so many times in my life. We decided that we would have to hang out again and meet up for some drinks. The next day I received an email from him saying that he thought I would be ‘thicker’ in person. I had to blink and re-read the email b/c I think I’m ‘plenty’ thick…LMAO! No one has ever made any complaints about any of my ASSets. I told a few friends what he said and my guy friends think he may mean that he likes women with BIGGER BREASTS. FYI, I’m proud of my C’s! In any event, I recently spoke with him and brought up the email and he started to laugh. He let me know that he actually prefer “THICKER” women, I’m like damn. I can’t win worth trying. He’s not even someone I would normally ‘date’ and here he is complaining about my lack of “THICKNESS”! Damned if you’re thick, damned if you’re not!

Mr. Venti Mocha Frappucino

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What can I say about this guy. I mean damn, he was gorgeous. 6’7, nice smooth skin, smelled good, dressed nice. Seemingly PERFECT physically. Our conversations were always great, so I really didn’t’ have any complaints until when we finally met, HE OPENED HIS MOUTH!

My handsome Mr. Venti Mocha Frappucino suddenly started to look like this:

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I swear I couldn’t stop staring at this man’s mouth! He had the worst teeth I’ve ever seen! Brown, rotten, crooked, piled on top of each other!! Now, why is this man driving a brand new car and not have his teeth fixed??? If you have credit to finance a car, you can finance some cosmetic dentistry. I’m sorry, I can over look someones height, and a few other things, but TEETH, I cannot look past those! The next day I logged onto the Lumineers (a form of veneers) website and sent in an inquiry using his email address and phone number, hopefully a consultation will soon follow!

In any event, dating is hard work. You have to sift through so many damn frappucinos until you find the one that’s perfect for you. Then, who’s to say that they’re actually ‘perfect’ for you. I know alot of women who settle just out of the frustration of trying to find the one they really want. I refuse to settle, and in life, I’m not drinking coffee…I prefer my men to be similar to a fine wine. Plus, I’m lactose intolerant.

  1. July 29, 2008 - Reply

    LMAO @ clown pic I had this guy to approach me at a wine tasting on Saturday he smelled good beautiful brown skin and than he opened his mouth DAMN his teeth looked like he had been chewing rocks … I feel you on the dating scene. I have been in NC since ’06 and the pickings are slim. I went out with one guy everything was going good for a few months and somehow the conversation of moving came up one night. I told him that it’s rare that I stay in one city/state for more than 5 years this fool tells me that he has Never been outside of NC he is 33 yrs. old not even to Mertle Beach 3hrs away.I asked him if he ever planned on moving anywhere else( i.e job opportunity, for the hell of it, or for a relationship) his response was that he was content.
    Content… wth damn shame.. no goal having knee-grow. Needless to say we are no longer together.. too bad the sex was good :/

    • July 29, 2008 - Reply

      @Rena

      Girl, a nice set of teeth is a must for me! If you can afford a new car w/rims, you can afford some dental work. What’s even funnier is that my friend was telling me about this guy she met the other day and he sounded so familiar. I asked her to show me a photo and it was the same guy!!! I told her about his teeth, needless to say, no more emails were exchanged…lol
      I don’t do complacency either. I know so many people back in NJ who have never left the area and don’t plan on it. Being comfortable is one thing, but comfortability can involved change, but being content is another story!

      • July 29, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        I can’t stand tolerate complacency/contentment at all. Whatever he wants to call it to me it’s just Laziness. And not having a dentist to fix that jack up grill.. its called a dental plan..* confused look**
        LOL@ your friend.. its a good thing that you told her

  2. July 29, 2008 - Reply

    I like the analogy. Oh my goodness if someone had teeth like the Clown from Stephen King’s It, I would freak out too.

    • July 29, 2008 - Reply

      @Shelia

      I have never been so disappointed before..hopefully he’s gotten them fixed.

      • July 29, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        I doubt it.. at this very moment he is talking to some chick and she will be subjected to his yuck mouth..lol

        • July 30, 2008 - Reply

          @Rena

          yup there’s always going to be someone willing to put up with a yuck mouth, but i’m not the one!

      • July 30, 2008 - Reply

        @[fung'ke] [blak] [chik]

        That’s sad. I’m sure he knows his teeth are jacked up. But that’s someone else problem 🙂

  3. July 29, 2008 - Reply

    it?? wow…im going to have nightmares now

    • July 29, 2008 - Reply

      @latriece

      “IT” was the only movie to ever give me nightmares.

    • July 29, 2008 - Reply

      @latriece

      I Still have yet to look at that movie all the way…

  4. July 29, 2008 - Reply

    LOL@you telling the short man to gain 4 inches…I wonder what he said to that….and the teeth…I cant stand that either…that is such a turn off!!…..damn I aint never heard of dude telling a chick that she isnt thick enough!! he probably had some type of fetish….and you must have met these guys online…seeing the way you and they reacted to appearances….yup its hard out here, just dont lower your standards those guys were not worth it!

    • July 30, 2008 - Reply

      @introspectivegoddess

      The only one was “IT” that was from online..the rest were ‘hook-ups’ from friends or relatives..which I have learned never to rely on AGAIN!

  5. July 30, 2008 - Reply

    lol
    would hate to smell the release

  6. July 31, 2008 - Reply

    Dating IS awesome. At least you’re a girl so the majority of the time, you shouldn’t have to pay. And about the teeth. man. One of the most difficult dates I’ve ever been on was with a girl with gnarly teeth.
    And I’m a nice guy – so there’s a lot I can overlook – especially if she’s anywhere near hot – but damn. the teeth were KILLING ME.

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