A few weeks ago a friend of mine suggested that this summer we take a camping and white water rafting trip. He always told me about how he likes to ‘rough it’ when he goes on these excursions. I’m figuring being that he’s already been in not one, but two wars (Desert Storm & Dubya Bush’s Lie), that this would truly be a ‘roughing it’ experience.
Now, I’ll be the first to say it, but I’m not exactly an outdoorsy type of person. My allergies are a bitch in the Spring and early Summer. I detest mosquitoes, bees, spiders, basically any type of insect. The last time I went camping, I think I was about 11 years old with my grandmother and a couple of her Links friends (yeah, imagine a bunch of bougie, old high society women camping) and even then we had log cabins with running water. Also, the last time I had a ‘great outdoors’ experience was ATV’ing and fishing in West Virginia a few summers ago, the only difference was after all of that, we retreated back to my friends mega-mansion, not some tent or cabin.
So I was tasked with the job of looking into camp sites in the MD/VA/PA area, which I figured would be pretty simple. This time around, despite my outdoorsy issues, I wanted a real camping experience. From pitching the tent, to roasting marshmallows, smelling like Off bug spray, and praying to god a skunk or raccoon doesn’t attack me. I found what I thought would be the perfect spot in Western Maryland. There was no mention of running water, no cabins, no electricity, just plain ole camping. I couldn’t help but to get a little bit excited, but needless to say, it didn’t last long. After I emailed my friend the findings, he called me later on that evening and his first remark went a little like this:
“Hmmmm….I was thinking a little less rustic and a little more warm running water and bathrooms, not out houses”…
That was the sound of my bubble being busted (I love alliteration). This man wasn’t trying to rough it. He then emailed me his idea of camping. Why did the list of free amenities of this camp site include, FREE FUCKING WIFI, cabins with cable tv & full service kitchens/bathrooms. If I wanted that version of camping, I’d use my Marriott reward points and book a hotel near a white water rafting location, at least I’d come out cheaper if not free accommodations.
He then informed me that he wasn’t planning on taking his BMW 760 into the ‘woods’ to do any camping or lugging any camping supplies around in it. Problem solved, I told him, I have an SUV so we could always use my truck. It’s grey and always dirty…so it’ll blend in perfectly with the woods.
Needless to say, I lost this battle. He made the reservations for our bougie camping excursion. I guess being that there’s free WIFI, I’ll be able to bring my laptop and blog about the whole fake camping experience. I’ll just have to fulfill my roughing it trip later on this summer, once I can find a few fools, I mean friends, who are interested in joining me!
Even Bert & Ernie knew how to rough it!