I’ve been thinking for the past couple of hours….
I’ve been the girlfriend. I’ve been the ‘other woman’. I’ve been the engaged woman who found out her boyfriend was cheating, not only on me, but on the other women who thought they were his ‘girlfriends’ as well. I’ve been the woman who physically cheated once, but emotionally cheated more than once. I’ve been the woman who confronted the girlfriend when I found out I was the ‘other woman’. I’ve been the woman who came close to not only busting windows out of a 2007 Range Rover, but also putting sugar in the tank. I’ve been the woman who was slapped by a man, but stabbed him in his hand in return just so I could leave an indelible mark, just like the one he left with me. I’ve been the woman who would bend over backwards for certain people, only not to receive the same in return. I’ve been someones option, when they were my priority. I’ve been tired. I’ve been sick. I’ve been bored. I’ve been the Ms. Nice Woman, only to realize that half the time it wasn’t even worth it. I’ve been the ‘bitch’, only to realize that it took too much effort. I’ve been the overachiever. I’ve been the loner. I’ve been the introvert and the extrovert all at the same time.
Then there’s the what I haven’t beens.
I haven’t been someones priority in such a long time, I honestly wouldn’t know what that would feel like anymore. I haven’t been able to have a good nights sleep in weeks because my mind won’t shut down. I haven’t been able to verbally tell the man that I love, that I love him because I hate the fact that I still see the hate he has for me in his eyes. I haven’t been the person who used to call up her grandmother just to say hi. I haven’t been the daughter who can’t stop feeling like a motherless child, even in adulthood. I haven’t been taking a medication my doctor prescribed out of fears that it may prevent me from having any more children in the future. I haven’t been sticking to my health regimen that I started when I was diagnosed with an illness this Summer.
Will any of the beens & haven’t beens change anytime soon..? Damned, if I know. I’ve just been thinking and that’s what I came up with.