Yesha Callahan

People Question Kendrick Lamar’s Fiancee’s ‘Blackness’ After Engagement Announcement

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Last week, Kendrick Lamar announced his engagement to long-time girlfriend Whitney Alford. Even though he received tons of ‘congratulatory’ remarks, once the dust settled, people have a few things on their minds. And once again, the subject of colorism came up.

How could someone so ‘righteous’ parade around with a racially ambiguous woman, many wondered? Was Lamar just another color-struck Black man? Others asked.

Well, the first question may be easier to answer than the last. One producer/rapper attempted to do so when he posted a photo of Eldridge Cleaver. 9th Wonder thought a photo of Cleaver and his wife, Kathleen, would answer everyone’s questions about Lamar being self-hating and chasing light-skinned women. He asked if Cleaver would be called a sell-out too?

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But actually, no.

That’s not a good example. Cleaver, who was a known rapist of white woman, is basically the type of person people are trying to say Lamar is. The lighter the berry, the sweeter the juice. Even Kathleen Cleaver spoke out against how men in the Black Power Movement specifically sought after lighter skinned women, because of their own ‘light is right’ issues.

Back to Lamar and his fiancée. Alford has always defined herself as being a Black woman. Her mother is biracial and her father is Black. It’s not her fault she’s light. But if people looked at Lamar’s ex-girlfriend Sherane, whom he rapped about in his first album, it refutes the claims that he could be colorstruck:

sherane

Yes, colorism exists when it comes to dating preferences. Yes, there are those Black men and women who specifically seek out lighter counterparts, but who can say if that’s Lamar’s ideology?

Image Credits: Getty Images/Twitter

  1. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    I laughed when I read the headline. I thought, “What’s new?” Some Black men have always talked Black, and slept White or light. At this point, it’s customary to see a Black rappers, celebrities or athletes with a light, bright, maybe White or “other” chick. In fact, when it was announced that Kevin Durant broke up with his dark-skinned Black girlfriend, some people said, “I’m sure he’ll show up with a lighter one next time.” LOL. Maybe it’s love; maybe it isn’t. Who knows, and some would say, “Who cares?”

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @noirluv45

      yep but is this a fight we should be having in the open, could it be that this women is the one for him?

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @TheBurningBush

        I never said she wasn’t for him.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @noirluv45

          I know! My question to you is, is this a fight we should be engage in in the open, a fight over other black people skin tone to me it’s loose, loose for all of us it’s different than the race of the person.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @TheBurningBush

        So we should be fighting about colorism behind closed doors? Do you think people outside the black community dont have eyes to see this for themselves? Whats the point if its obvious to all black white or other? And it amazes me how so many brothers ‘the one’ fit this same profile.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @Okay

          “What’s the point” it’s just not wise “So we should be fighting about colorism behind closed doors” we shouldn’t be fighting about skin tone at all but if we are going to do it yes it should be done behind close doors a wise person or wise people knows something’s should be dealt with behind close doors only a foolish and unwise people or family air their dirty laundry out in the open and give their enemy a stick to beat the hell out of them with. “Whats the point if its obvious to all black white or other?” it’s just not wise, it’s just not smart, it’s dumb, stupid and foolish to air your dirty laundry out in the open giving your enemy the upper hand on you or your people.

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @TheBurningBush

            Only a fool cant tell when their secrets are already revealed. You can call it dumb and unwise all you want. We are fooling no one. We dont even have to fight publicly about it cause everyone else knows and Ive heard non-blacks point it out minus any black in-fighting. LO frigging L? We’re giving the enemy the advantage by fighting in public? OMG. Yeah talk about deluded. We don’t need to fight about it publicly or otherwise they saw our hands along time ago. They only people who seem confused about that are people who think like you.

  2. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Im not going to assume that Kendrick is not “color struck”. I’m going to assume that he just so happened to fall in love with her despite her complexion…or should I say mixed ancestry. We should all be able to date/marry whomever. This is 2015. However can black folk stop faking the damn funk. Face it Kendrick you married a mixed chick, not a light skinned black woman. Is there anything wrong with that? Not at all. Just call it for what it is.

    It would be nice nonetheless to see these supposed “all black everything” activists actually put their money where their mouth is. I wish you happiness Kendrick but I will not be supporting your wife as the spearhead of any black female representation. Sorry.

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @Ms. Vee

      The article states she has a biracial mom and black dad, making her mostly black.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @ChaoticDiva

        Indeed it does. In that case she is therefore mostly black making this a non-issue. We cant embrace Obama’s daughter’s just because they are darker but reject their lighter versions. I am not taking away from the effects of colorism but i wont support hypocrisy.

  3. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Conscious and loyal young rapper with a clean record proposes to high school sweetheart who’s Blacker than Halle Berry. Insecure irrelevants with nothing better to do with their lives lose their minds.

    Sup, Sherane!

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @TeflonD

      I highly doubt anyone is “losing their mind.” People just see an pattern with many Black men, and instead of some Black men (not necessarily Kendrick) admitting they have a taste for women who look nothing like them, they use the “insecure” or “jealousy” excuse. Better yet, they use the, “Black women made me do it” excuse as well. It’s comical to me because I hardly think people are losing too much sleep over this.

      Colorism is real, and it will also stink up our society. I don’t trip anymore because it is what it is. I think it’s sad that some of us have yet to deal with the reality. Nevertheless, my great life continues.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @noirluv45

        Colorism is in Asia, Africa and other various nations.

        In black america its worse. Y’all are dealing with colorism and an identity crises when anyone with a tan can claim black.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @Ms. Vee

          Yes, ma’am, it is all over the place. I don’t know if it’s worse in Black America, but I will say that, as far as we’ve come, I would think we would’ve moved past it.

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @noirluv45

            Unfortunately too many black folk want to have cake and eat it too. No other group tolerates the mixed/racially ambiguous at the forefront. Miss Japan is a clearly shows this. Oh well *shrugs*

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @Ms. Vee

              And “not tolerating the mixed/racially ambiguous” is a good thing? Everybody is disgustingly racist so let be racist too?

              • April 7, 2015 - Reply

                @elsay

                Wanting proper representation is not racist. Stop now.

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @Ms. Vee

              I thought the Miss Japan thing was all about culture not her being biracial. Would they have reacted if she had been Eurasian, though? Hmmn…Reminds me of the Miss America controversy a couple of years back when the winners were non- White (Lebanese and Indian). The vitriol hurled at them from online idiots…

              • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                @AfroCapricornette

                No, it was about her being “halfu” and not looking like a “traditional” Japanese woman.

              • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                @AfroCapricornette

                Oh no. They are not feeling her because she is as they call her “haafu”. Asian/Japanese people might have found a Eurasian more tolerable and “better” so to speak but make no mistake half whites are rejected. There are videos of Eurasians that testify this.

                • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                  @Ms. Vee

                  Yeah, the haafu thing She’s Japanese by birth, speaks Japanese as a first language, a Japanese mom…I mean. Ah well, never knew Eurasians were rejected as well. Thought they’d be more accepted as they are white.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @Ms. Vee

          Oh no! I must say colorism is worst in Asia. We just think it’s worst because we live it day to day in this country. But I urge you to research colorism in Asia, particularly south Asia, it’s BAD. Just look at their caste system…

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @Delia

            No doubt their caste system is bad and in no way am I downplaying it. The dark people are treated like garbage. However the Asians uplift the light skinned versions of themselves. Not mixed people. That was where i was getting at in reference to the level of confusion. But you’re right.

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @Ms. Vee

              Got it!

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @noirluv45

        Yes, you’re losing your mind if the best thing you can do on a Monday morning is to analyze the psyche of 25 million men based on a ludicrous conjecture around preference.

        Dude is a wealthy, young and squeaky clean cat marrying his smart and decent high school sweetheart. Who should he rock with, some sloppy video chick or weaved up baby mama who are no more racially homogeneous? High quality women get wifed up, period. Go ask Denzel’s wife or the millions of Black men married to dark skinned sisters. This chick is Blacker than Barrack. How many of you have called out Michelle Obama for practicing “colorism”? Give me a damn break.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @TeflonD

          It’s called a BLOG. That’s what people do. They read stories, comment, and move on. People form opinions. I see you’ve formed many as you are making judgments against whether or not someone is losing their mind.

          It’s clear by the patterns of SOME Black men as to their psyche. I have a Black man who does not fall into that category, so AGAIN, I couldn’t care less about Kendrick or any other Black man and his issues or non-issues with color, but I will speak my mind when I want. If you have a problem with that, then that’s your personal problem. Get it now?

          If you read my comments, you’d know that, but apparently, what I said about some Black men must’ve hit a nerve because you are getting so salty.

          I wish Kendrick and his fiance the best. Better now?

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @noirluv45

            Preach Sister.

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

              LOL!!! Truth, people hate the truth, especially those the truth may apply too. They get all bits of salty. LOL!!!

              How are you doing?

              • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                @noirluv45

                I’m doing great today Sister.

                I don’t feel that Kendrick Lamar’s relationship with his fiancee is none of my business. I do believe that most people are not concerned with Lamar’s relationship in an obsessive sense and most people wish the best for Kendrick and her biracial fiancee (she considers herself black according to the article). Colorism is a problem in our community and we have to fight it. We can never omit how some black males have a color struck mentality. There is no evidence that Lamar is a colorist, so I wouldn’t falsely classify anyone in a wrong way. Although, it is fine to keep it real and you are just keeping it real. You are not vilifying anyone. Some folks have just apprehension at anyone keeping it real.

                Also, you have free speech rights.

                • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                  @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                  I’m glad to hear that, truth.

                  Bingo! You got my point exactly. It wasn’t even about Kendrick, as you very well stated, because I don’t know either him or his fiance, but since the topic of the thread was about how others are questioning his motives, I added my two cents, as usual. LOL! Sheesh, some people get all sensitive. 😀

                  • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                    @noirluv45

                    Thank you Sister 🙂

                    Yes, it’s not that deep. It is just part of life to witness diverse viewpoints on issues. No one should never be overly sensitive on this issue at all. Many discussions will include segues and further cogent explanations on subjects as well.

                    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                      @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                      You’re welcomed. LOL. I agree 😀

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @TeflonD

          Oh, and BTW, as far as Black women choosing men based on color, most don’t, so there is no need to “call them out.” I’m sure Michelle Obama wasn’t going for Barack simply because he was light. However, if she was, she picked a good now. Now what?

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @noirluv45

            Angry? Lol. No ma’am, I’m just stating that your rant is meaningless. You have no point, and you’re rambling around in circles.

            The personal anecdotes you’re using are just silly. Michelle rejected Obama initially? So what? How exactly does that tell you her color preference? And how do you know this girl didn’t pursue Kendrick or get rejected initially?

            Some Black men have a predilection for women who look nothing like them? So what? So do countless Black women. You think more Black men do it than Black women? Fine, prove it or stop pulling things out of your backside.

            It’s a matter of fact that on a per capita basis, High profile Black women — from government to Hollywood — date and marry out (to whites, specifically) at a significantly higher rate than their male counterparts. This is an empirical FACT that debunks the delusional “pattern” you constantly pull outta nowhere. So stop obsessing over the handful of athletes or entertainers you see with women that do not look like you. It’s not Black men’s fault.

            The only thing that matters here is that there’s hardcore evidence that this man Kendrick Lamar indeed dates women who look like him. That evidence is staring you in the face. But you chose to get in your feelings and wax reckless about random Black men. Get over yourself and your hang ups.

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @TeflonD

              Teflon, don’t be upset with me because you can’t follow logic. First of all, you are stuck on Kendrick, when I’ve said over and over again (reading is truly fundamental) that what I’m saying MAY NOT APPLY TO HIM. Can you comprehend that yet, or do I need to spell it out to you? I said I don’t know if it’s love or not. If it is, WONDERFUL, COOL, and what I said doesn’t apply to him.

              As far as Michelle is concerned, who knows. Since we don’t, it’s a mute point. The discussion of colorism, dating, marrying and Black men is commonplace because everyone knows that SOME Black men have always preferred light-skin. I grew up seeing that. I lived in the U.S. and everywhere I look what I say holds water. You simply can’t comprehend, and since you can’t, you are refuting what I’m saying. Now, if you look at the numbers, countless Black women DO NOT tend to seek men outside their race. Yes, those numbers are growing because they are sick and tired of waiting on bruthas to get it together. Now you DISPROVE that, and lose the attitude. All one has to do is do a Google search. What planet are you living on where you’d think colorstuck Black women comes close to colorstruck Black men. Teflon, wake up. I’m a Black woman, and MOST sisters I’ve ever come in contact with love dark-skinned Black men.

              Many high profile Black women are SINGLE, boo boo. The ones that do marry White are small in numbers, but we can’t say the same for those rich Black men, so lose the hostility, man. You are living in a fantasy world.

              You must be a friend or relative of Kendrick’s. That explains your seething commentary. I suggest you take your own advice and get over yourself. You’ve failed to figure it out that I’ve moved past Kendrick, and am on the discussion of Black men in general. If you can’t figure that out, that is your fault.

              • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                @noirluv45

                Hi noir. I’m curious, how much of the disparity between the rates at which black men and black women marry out is due to lack of opportunity? Societal gender roles dictate that men are supposed to pursue women and not the other way around. If large numbers of wealthy, high quality white men pursued black women for marriage, are you suggesting these women would say no?

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @TeflonD

              Dude, you’re one to talk about people ranting and losing their minds on a blog when you’re commenting pretty heavily on this article as well. With your long a** post lol

              • April 7, 2015 - Reply

                @Yurilyte

                LOL!!! Thank you!!!

  4. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Should he have asked for permission before proposing?

  5. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    The bottom line is that unless you actually know the couple’s back story, it would be better to simply withhold judgement.

  6. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Personal experience has taught me not to rush to judgement about couples or families. You just don’t know how they came to be most of the time, you just see what they look like. I know I used to be guilty of automatically assuming someone was colorstruck, but things I won’t go into have taught me otherwise. For what it is worth, no, I do not have a white significant other if anyone is thinking that.

    Despite what I said, colorism is an obvious issue in the African American community. At my local church, it is striking how many young men exclusively date white girls, and they all come up with tired excuses of why they don’t like black girls to which I just say, be man enough to say you like white women because that is clearly how you how you roll.

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @Anthony

      I agree with you.

  7. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    This may be contradictory, but although I don’t think every dark man with a fair or white sister should be accused of colorism. I am a firm believer that no one is color blind. I am sure that Kendrick Lamar finds his fair fiancé easy on his eyes, and that is his right, just like I am sure Azelia Banks loves the looks of her white men. On the flip side, there are a whole lot of fair and white people who like their companions dark. If folks are allowed to prefer thin companions, or well endowed companions, is their much surprise they folks notice color too? My point is that I hope anyone involved with someone feels they have more going on than light or dark skin, a nice butt, or a big penis. Hopefully, physical attributes are the spicing that adds flavor to a fundamentally good and decent person.

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @Anthony

      most of the time I don’t agree with you however on this one I agree with you your comment is right on point.

      • April 8, 2015 - Reply

        @TheBurningBush

        HA! I swear I was thinking that when I upvoted you a minute ago. LMAO.

        • April 8, 2015 - Reply

          @Love.tweet.joi

          well that shows although we disagree most of the times we are mature, understanding and not hating, and that’s a good thing don’t you think?.

  8. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    I forgot what I was going to say once I saw that pic of that scumbag Eldridge Cleaver. Sickening rapist filth. I get disgusted seeing him.
    Anyways, I never cared for Kendrick musically & personally and won’t start today.

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @disqus_6sinns1216

      When I found out that Eldridge raped women and supported Reagan during the 1980’s then it showed me what kind of deceptive individual that he was. I do respect the honorable Brothers and Sisters from the Black Panther Party of Self Defense.

      #Power to the People.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

        People are not nice and neat, good or bad. Just like the post about Ghandi’s racism, we have to understand that people can often be both great and terrible. Cleaver did raise consciousness in the Sixties despite his terrible flaws. Dr. King was a great leader despite being an constant adulterer. Thomas Jefferson was a brilliant leader, Renaissance man, and political thinker despite his racism and sexual abuse of a slave girl.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @Anthony

          well stated and right on point.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @Anthony

          There is a difference between a person who have some faults and a person who committed genocide. I don’t view Dr. King as equivalent to Hitler and I don’t have a moral relativist view on people. Dr. King had flaws, but he never enslaved black people, he never raped people, and he never supported the Confederacy. There’s a difference between Dr. King and Jefferson. There’s a huge difference between Hitler and other people. Cleaver talked about many issues, but I’m not required to believe in all of his views or in all of his actions. Thomas Jefferson was a white supremacist, an enslaver, and an exploiter of a young girl. I have no respect for Thomas Jefferson as a man regardless of how intelligent he was (which is my right). Jefferson didn’t even support the Haitian Revolution. Sometimes, we have to take stands. Yes, we do have to understand the totality of history, but I’m not required to respect Hitler, Jefferson, Jefferson Davis, or other enemies of black people at all. People are not perfect, but many people can grow and be better people.

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

            I said nothing about liking or respecting anyone. I just said that history of full of people who did terrible and great things. As someone said on TV once, jumping to Hitler for your example is almost always reaching because he is was so extreme.

            Somebody like Woodrow Wilson is a better example of how someone can be both positive and negative. Wilson was clearly an anti-black racist, but he supported some significant progressive legislation. Although he did want to apply it to non-white people, his Fourteen Points and League of Nations ideas at Versailles at the end of WWI were key establishing the right of self determination for colonized people, and the basic ideas behind it were incorporated into the United Nations Charter after WWII. The rejection of the League of Nations in 1919, reminds me so much of what is going on with Obama, and his Iran agreement, it is eerie.

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @Anthony

              History is filled with people who did great and terrible things. My point originally was to oppose Cleaver’s betrayals later on in his life including mentioning other things (nothing more or less), which I have the right to do (and my words about Cleaver are historically accurate). My words are not reaching. Me showing an example of Hitler, Jefferson Davis, etc. was proving that evil people exist, there are variations of imperfections, and massively evil people should not be respected. I do realize that you said nothing about respecting people (with very evil character), but I made the point of not believing in a relative view of history.

              Wilson was a person born in Virginia. He was educated in the Northeast. WWI lasted for many years and he changed his mind from embracing neutrality to following war, because of the bombing of the Lusitania and because of the Zimmerman letter scandal. Wilson supported outright Jim segregation and he supported some progressive legislation. The League of Nations failed, because it wasn’t fairly enforced, a lot of nations didn’t support it, and it was weakened. With Obama, he may have the votes of Congress to pass such an Iranian agreement. The agreement is much tougher than people expect (it has massive controls on centrifuges, etc.).

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @Anthony

              I do see that you’re a history buff. That’s great.

              • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                Actually, I am a history professor. My family eats because I teach and write history.

                • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                  @Anthony

                  OK. I see. That’s great. I have a degree in history too. Goodnight Brother.

  9. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    This is sad. Yes, colorism exists but at the end of the day NO ONE should marry people based on the approval of others. I know so many women who end up with the wrong guy based on surface things like what he looks like, who their families approve of, money, status. At the end of the day, marry who you believe is right for you. The discussion about colorism should be made separately from something as subjective and personal as who someone chooses to spend their life with. We need to stop projecting the pain of colorism onto people’s life choices. Colorism should be discussed in terms of the media and how we as consumers can tell the media we want diversity. Such an important argument cannot be wasted on something as impossibly hard to win as who someone decides to get engaged to. Yes, colorism plays a part in people’s personal choices of life partners but that really is no one’s business. Do you. Plenty of men who LOVE darker women. Focus on them. Focus on you actually and we collectively can change the perception of black women not some B entertainer’s choice of wife.

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @K.C.

      “The discussion about colorism should be made separately from something as subjective and personal as who someone chooses to spend their life with. ” Hey, K.C. I think the subject of colorism and how it relates to dating is often very appropriate. It’s so clear that many people of color pick mates based on race/color. I’m not saying that’s true for Kendrick because maybe it’s not about her color. Maybe he’s in love with her, and that’s wonderful, but, again, in the context of relationships, I just find it ironic how many Black men met and “fall in love” with the same kind of woman. I really do believe as it relates to successful men, (not all, but many) go with women they perceive as a trophy. Look at Anthony’s comment. I can vouch for the fact that a lot of young Black boys say, “I wanna White/light/Latina, i.e. ‘non-Black’ girl. Where are they getting that from? So, in that sense, colorism and dating is very appropriate. Don’t you think? I do agree that the conversation of colorism is very appropriate as it relates to the media because the media is the entity subjecting our little brainwashing Black girls and boys into believing light/White/mixed, etc. is what’s in.

      After watching “Black Girls Rock” last night, I thought about all these beautiful, talented, young Black girls who are not going to have a chance to meet a Black boy (if that’s what she wants) because he believe these young girls aren’t good enough for him. It’s really sad, K.C. I think it really is our business, and that’s why parents/the Black community needs to address these issues because we are losing our young Black people to nonsense. If these Black boys grow up thinking that White girls are going to rescue them from being seen as inferior, they have a rude awakening.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @noirluv45

        Hey, I hear you loud and clear. The colorism issue as it pertains to black boys and black male teens disturbs me as well. I mean even our icons like Martin Luther King married lighter women. If we are going to keep it real, that is the truth. So did Harry Belafonte and so did some pretty amazing men. I just think we have to be careful not to sound like we are focusing on something that is impossible: policing who someone marries. We have to find a way to have the conversation without coming off as if we are telling people who they should love. Poor Kendrick. I don’t know why they went for him and not the 100s of famous basketball players who end up with mixed women and light women. Anyway, we must also remember there are A LOT of black men with dark women and dark-skinned women too. I agree with you in that we have to chance our boys’ perception of what is beautiful and what makes for a great mate.I will be honest I don’t have the answers. I don’t have children but if I had a son, I would make sure he always marries who he wants to. I want my kids to have free will but I would also make sure I surround him with positive images of dark women. I just don’t think attacking Kendrick’s choice is the way to go. Why not talk about who are the sisters on the magazine covers, in movies, on the Itunes, in music videos etc? Ultimately I think that is what is more productive then attacking one singer for his choice of wife. Too personal of an attack in my opinion. Let’s go for the bigger picture. Your last sentence says everything! “rescue them for being inferior”. WOW. Perfectly said. That is what they are trying to do. Agree with you on that 100%. Our boys need to know they are not inferior, once they do they will be able to love a woman who is like them in skin tone. Deep stuff

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @K.C.

          Exactly, K.C! It’s a elephant in the room (again, I’m moving past Kendrick) that needs to be discussed personally and publicly with our children.

          I believe in free will. I would never police, criticize, or admonish anyone for whom they love. My brother is married to a White woman, and he is by no means, colorstuck.

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @noirluv45

            I hear you. I have interracial couples in my family too. In fact, I don’t sit home on a Saturday night and wait for a black man to accept me either. If Mr Purple color is kind, respectful and smart, I will go out with him. I am tired of trying to convince people we are great. I used to do that when I was 19. I ain’t 19 anymore! lol.

            • April 7, 2015 - Reply

              @K.C.

              Yes, ma’am! I didn’t have time for any man who looks like me, but doesn’t see my value. In fact, he can gladly move on and take his hang-ups to someone else.

              • April 7, 2015 - Reply

                @noirluv45

                Yup! To think all the time I wasted at 19 hoping someone could accept me. Now? Keep it moving if I am not enough. Keep it moving!! lol.

            • April 8, 2015 - Reply

              @K.C.

              I love me some purple. God knows I do. No such thing as too black. Now I wouldve been okay with white guys until i saw my first pink d-k. IJS.

              • April 8, 2015 - Reply

                @Love.tweet.joi

                love.tweet.joi: Oh I was referring to purple as in “I don’t care what color he is, green, orange, purple” but I see where you went. lol! You need to get with the right white guy. Maybe a darker Italian might work for you. lol. I bought into the hype too until I dated a little blondie (Swedish) and OMG! Huge and very pleasing. So you never know. I tell this to my girlfriends. Don’t judge a book by its cover when dating. I have seen small tiny black p*** and I have seen large white ones. You never know! 🙂 lol. Also, it is all in how they use it. Oh, lawd how did this post get so risque? Haha. It’s all that Prince talk.

                • April 8, 2015 - Reply

                  @K.C.

                  You know, my friend is a flight attendant and she practically lives in Sweden. She says they dont check for her at all. Shes so disappointed.

                  • April 8, 2015 - Reply

                    @Love.tweet.joi

                    Really? Interesting. I like to keep dating stateside though. Easier to verify when he is from here. However, I am all for women traveling more in order to open up their options! I just can’t do long distance anything. lol. Right now, dating a brother from DC and even that I wonder what his world was like before me since I am not from there. Anyway, it is all a risk one way or another when you date. I don’t like the process as much as some women do.

                    • April 8, 2015 - Reply

                      @K.C.

                      I dont like long distance relationships either…50 miles is long distance in my book. Lol.

                      I dont think my friend is necessarily looking for a relationship; however, she seems to sound a bit discouraged whenever I ask her if she’s met anyone. She’s very serious and reserved and I admire that about her bc I can be so bubbly and extroverted. Im surprised that she doesnt attract more guys.

                      • April 8, 2015 - Reply

                        @Love.tweet.joi

                        I think one of the hardest things to do when dating is to not look at the kind of guys you are attracting but rather what you are doing to maybe attract them. Tough thing to do. I was attracting a lot of men who feared commitment. When I realized I feared commitment myself, I was able to dig deeper and stop attracting those guys who were mirrors of me. Now, if you are not serious, keep it moving! I don’t have time for guys who can’t make a decision. Best wishes to your friend.

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @K.C.

      Without Black women there will be no Black children. The perception of Black women or men will never change because it’s not in the best interest of that good ole system called White supremacy. Lord knows they don’t want to us procreate so they are pushing Black boys/men to date out. The true image of the Black woman vs. what’s seen doesn’t match. When I was watching Black Girls Rock, I saw the true image of Black women. I don’t know Black women represented in the media.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @noirluv45

        Deep. I hear you on that. I am just careful not to sound like I am telling people who they should love. I wish we could get to the young boys and start showing them positive images of black women. Right now, we are not doing that. THAT is a far more important work to be done then attacking Kendrick.

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @K.C.

          I would never tell someone who they can or can’t love. I’m also not attacking Kendrick. “Love” is the key word in the comments I’m making, and if he loves her, like I’ve said countless times, good for them.

          K.C., in my opinion, I don’t think it’s about us showing them positive images of Black women. They are all around if they’d just look. I mean, these Black boys have Black mothers. What’s up with that? Black Girls Rock was on last night. How many Black mothers sat down with their sons to watch it? It has nothing to do with what we are/or aren’t doing. It’s society around us that continually demeans us giving these young Black boys It’s like blaming Blacks for why some White people are continually ignorant. To me, it’s like saying, “If we Blacks just shape up to prove that we are worthy of the White man’s acceptance, then our image would change.” The same spirit that works in them is working in our young Black boys. It’s not about us, it’s about the mentality of the young men and being brainwashed.

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @noirluv45

            Noirluv45: I just think at some point (or at this point) we have to accept that society is not going to validate us so in fact it IS up to us to lift ourselves up. Yeah, how can you have a dark mother and hate dark women? We need to do some work on how our boys and men see women. Why do they take the information from the greater society at large and believe that stuff? That society is not going to change so it really is up to us to decide that we are worthy. It makes it harder because we are not in control of all the media images that our boys are subject to. I mean when they are playing with those Xboxes, we are not at the center of that. I have a huge problem with women in video games in general but that is a tangent maybe. All I am saying is we have to do the work and the men have to do the work too. Grown black men have to lift our women up and they have to be present for their boys. If your father walks out on your mother, it is easy to believe it is because your mother is not worthy of his presence. This is the way kids think. I am not certain we will ever convince other people of our worth. However, we must convince ourselves and the wa to do that is if we have the participation of ALL the black players. At that point, no matter who marries who, you still won’t sway because you know your worth. I take myself for instance, I don’t care one bit who Kendrick marries. I just don’t think his choice is relevant to my life. Now, I am not gonna lie. If Morris Chestnut or Common marries someone who doesn’t look like me then I would probably be a little sad. To be serious, that would last like a day. I would focus my attention on the people who DO see me worthy of their love. We black women must not forget that we must focus on those who love us, not those who do not.

            • April 7, 2015 - Reply

              @K.C.

              I fully agree with you, K.C.! I think the die has been cast with many of us. Many of us believe the lies that have been told about us, and that’s not going to change. White supremacy is a powerful thing. However, I also want to say that we come from royalty. We are strong, and we’ve stood the test of time. People hate us, yet emulate us. Like you said, it’s up to us to make sure that our young people know who they are. That’s why Black Girls Rock is so important. It’s also important to reject the negative media about who are are, and focus on the real people that we are. We are not all perfect, but we are some amazing people.

              • April 7, 2015 - Reply

                @noirluv45

                Imagine how great we are. To go from being nobility to enslaved to ridiculed to survivors. We are extraordinary. No other women have been put through the tester like we have and we still come out of it all looking all fabulous and unscathed. I am in awe of black women and black men. That’s why I insist some of us need to do better given the greatness we come from.

  10. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Well if she say she’s black, then she’s black. Last year, a friend of mine had the nerve to question my blackness not because of my skin tone, but because of the texture of my hair. I had never in my life had someone question my race and I felt insulted and really pissed off. After cussing her out, we laughed about it and I let it go. So I could see how she would feel.

  11. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Here we go with colorism again. Sigh…She’s Black, same way the Obama girls are (one biracial/one Black parent). The comments say, though, it’s a trend with AA men and WW/light skin women. Tbh, I see it with sports stars so maybe there’s an unspoken rule there. Who knows? Then again, it could just be plain ol’ love.

    A naive question I would like to ask : how come no one freaks out over Black women and their White men?

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @AfroCapricornette

      Afro, I find it ironic that these men fall in the love with the same type women. We all know (at least I do from before I knew anything about colorism) that Black boys/men gravitated to (back when I was growing up) light-skinned girls.

      Like you mentioned, look at these athletes and rappers. All their girlfriends look the same. Is it just a coincidence? Do they have a registry of girls/women who are racially ambiguous for all these Black wealthy men to choose from? Do they all just “fall in love” or are they just colorstruck and won’t admit it? If it’s love, more power to them. If it’s not, then it’s sad for us because we have such damaged men.

      Last, but not least, you asked, “How come no one freaks out regarding Black women/White men? I think it’s because they are a very small percentage even though it’s growing. Also, let me add, many Black women don’t go around disparaging Black men as an excuse to date out. Many say, “If Black men can do it, why should I be alone?” I think that’s the reason. Many Black men need an excuse. Like Anthony said, you have little boys talking about why they don’t like Black girls as if they’ve had experience. It’s more like they are chumps and can’t admit they are whitewashed, brainwashed, and see/hear other Black boys/men make excuses, so they follow suit. What confused young boys they are.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @noirluv45

        “Do they have a registry of girls/women who are racially ambiguous for all these Black wealthy men to choose from?”Lol…I swear I think that ALL the time everytime I see one after the other with fair AA/Afro-Latinas/WW. I’m like, do their PR people contact their PR pals to see which hot, fair chick is on the market for a Black celeb??

        Then again, isn’t it a recent (past decade or so) trend? Did the Panther guys go for that during the whole Afrocentric movement? Celebs like Denzel, Samuel L and other respected Black guys have Black guys they’ve been with for eons.

        Then again, if you go on YT, you’ll see (as I did when I watched related videos after viewing Dark Girls when it came out) ignorant Black men stating on camera that they’d never go for a dark girl cos of her “attitude”…wtf!! They love light girls for whatever petty reason. Mind you, these were the illiterate, uneducated, ghetto, no-hope men that are used as an example to stereotype decent Black guys. I thought, “what decent, sensible female of any color would even go for your low expectation, low esteem ass??” *hisses* I was so furious!

        Another poster mentioned that BW that go for WM are usually at the peak of a high-powered career in private/govt/entertainment. I think of Iman/David Bowie, DeNiro/Grace Hightower and as I discovered 2 years ago, Alfre Woodard and her White hubby…so s/he might have a point.

        I just feel it’s a very slippery slope we’re headed if people’s partners start being policed. Don’t the stats say something like by 2050, White will be a minority and mixed race (of every color) will be a majority?

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @AfroCapricornette

          You know, Afro! I’m telling you that it’s just too coincidental that they all fall for the same kind of woman. I don’t know if it’s a recent trend or not because I remember seeing a documentary about boxer, Jack Johnson, and he was definitely into White women…even back then, Afro. Oh, yeah, I saw that foolishness, and my first thought was exactly what you said. “Why would anyone want them. No lose, bye bye, loser.” LOL! They do have low self-esteem, and are so pathetic with no redeeming qualities.

          My concern is racial genocide. Yes, that’s exactly what the stats say. We are contributing to it as well. I don’t want to police people’s lives either, but at this rate, it’s scary to see that many of us don’t care about our future.

    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

      @AfroCapricornette

      Oh, and Afro, a lot of Black successful men are encouraged to date women who are exotic as it looks better on their arm. It’s also impressive to their friends, the media, the public, etc. Of course, having a “regular” looking sista isn’t flashy enough. It just doesn’t scream success because we all know, according to society, once you get a biracial woman, light, or “non-Black” woman, you’ve made it. SMH.

      • April 6, 2015 - Reply

        @noirluv45

        So basically, they’re trophy wives and arm candy. All for show and not for the substance…how sad for both parties then. Maybe Gabrielle and Dwayne have broken the mold, eh? In my dreams, lol…

        I honestly don’t get it! I love my dark skin! I can wear ANY color on the rainbow well. The sun loves me, I’ve always been complimented on my color since I was a child and even till now. I’d never change that for some trivial acceptance. Then again, we’re all different…

        • April 6, 2015 - Reply

          @AfroCapricornette

          In many cases, that’s what I think Afro. I think it’s always been that way. Funny how traditions pass down from generation to generation.

          Me too, Afro. I love my skin too. In fact, there’s nothing more beautiful than dark brown skin. I think it’s great when people can celebrate who they are and now cow tow to some foolishness.

          • April 6, 2015 - Reply

            @noirluv45

            Like the old saying goes, someone can’t love others without loving themselves. I appreciate and love my blessed melanin. I love my skin not in the sense of arrogance, but in the sense of understanding my value as a black human being. When we accept the beauty in ourselves, we can respect the beauty in others. That is a great part of life. We can live, laugh, love, and do constructive action in helping society. During this generation, it is time to for people to reject the foolishness and to follow wisdom.

            • April 6, 2015 - Reply

              @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

              Well said, truth!

              • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                @noirluv45

                Thank you Sister.

                • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                  @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                  You’re very welcomed, truth.

                  • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                    @noirluv45

                    I’m about to get some sleep Sister. I see that you have been dropping a lot of jewels today. 🙂

                    Goodnight Sister.

                    God Bless You.

                    • April 6, 2015 - Reply

                      @truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                      Good night, brutha! When it comes to our people, I have a passion to see us grow.

                      Thank you, truth! 🙂 LOL! Good night, and God bless you too.

  12. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    From my understanding, she’s been with Kendrick Lamar before there was a Kendrick Lamar. Soooo, I’m glad he’s a one woman man and doing the manly thing and marrying the girl. Congrats.

  13. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Congratulations to Kendrick and his fiancee. I certainly understand the prevalence of colorism in the black community, but I honestly don’t think it’s anyone’s business whom Kendrick decides to marry. I wish them all the best.

  14. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Come on y’all this fight is not a good idea, maybe out of all the beautiful black women light ones, dark ones, brown ones etc. this one just happens to be the one for him.

  15. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    Congratulations to them.

  16. April 6, 2015 - Reply

    One thing that people don’t mention is what an average looking couple they are. Kendrick Lamar is no dreamboat, and Whitney Alford certainly has no video vixen body, plus she has really bushy eyebrows. If somebody photoshopped them to be the same color and hair texture, the only only question anyone would ask, is why does she have such a short dude?

    My only point is that if we only look at color and hair, average looking fair women become ravishing beauties, and stunning dark women are totally ignored.

    • April 7, 2015 - Reply

      @Anthony

      Looks are subjective though. I find her quite beautiful. I don’t find him that beautiful because I prefer a larger framed man. For example, I always though Zoe Saldana, Halle Berry and Paula Patton to be very boring type of beauties. Whereas other light women like Esperanza Spaulding, Alicia Keys and Sade I find to be extremely beautiful. Alicia does not get half of the attention for her looks than Halle does but I find Alicia more striking. Looks are a tricky thing. What is wrong with bushy eyebrows? Lisa Bonet had them and she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. Anyway, I guess tastes can’t be debated. I have a girlfriend who thinks Prince is the hottest man alive. I can’t get past his relaxer, lip gloss and heels. Never debate looks with anyone, lol, ESPECIALLY Prince fans. Lawd!

      • April 7, 2015 - Reply

        @K.C.

        My point is that too many people will see a long haired fair skinned woman, and act like by default she is beautiful. I say that is not true. In all fairness, if I were twenty years younger and single, if Whitney showed me some interest, I would not turn her down, but then I was never in a position to turn my nose up at a lot of women!

        • April 7, 2015 - Reply

          @Anthony

          Agree with that. You are judged not by your specific look when you are mixed or light but rather by the fact that you are light. Weird. We have ways to go.

      • April 7, 2015 - Reply

        @K.C.

        Don’t you come for Prince K.C., he is the only little man I give a pass to! LOL.

        • April 7, 2015 - Reply

          @elle D.

          Really? Another Prince fan. Oh Lawd, I am surrounded. lol. I love his music but I just can’t imagine being intimate with him. lol. However, I know better than to come for Prince. Oh no honey, don’t mess with his fans! lol.

          • April 7, 2015 - Reply

            @K.C.

            Who would win in a fight, Beyonce or Prince fans? I think Beyonce fans would win because of youth.

            • April 7, 2015 - Reply

              @Anthony

              Nah, Prince fans aren’t interested in fighting, we have nothing to prove.

            • April 7, 2015 - Reply

              @Anthony

              Tough question, Michael Jackson and Aaliyah fans can go head to head with them too! 🙂

  17. April 7, 2015 - Reply

    Maybe I was absent that day but can someone please let me know when it was agreed that Black men and women are only required to engage partners of the same complexion or darker.
    I guess one of the downsides of celebrity is that others are free to project their fears and insecurities onto you and get rightfully enraged when you are perceived to have failed to live up to their expectations of how you should conduct your life. It is pretty pathetic of course that so many people feel the need to be invested in another’s spousal choices as if Mr. Lamar made a pledge to pass all his mating options before others for prior approval.
    Who now gets to decide who is dark enough? Is there now a dark skin test?
    When was it decided that darkness of complexion is somehow correlated blackness?
    If this is where we still are in 2015 then we are along way from moving ahead.

    • April 8, 2015 - Reply

      @Rastaman

      “Maybe I was absent that day but can someone please let me know when it was agreed that Black men and women are only required to engage partners of the same complexion or darker.”
      *Raising hand*
      Sometime in the eighties. I don’t remember the exact time, but I KNOW it was in the eighties.

  18. April 8, 2015 - Reply

    This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Whoever is questioning blackness by skin complexion in 2015… jump off a cliff.

  19. April 8, 2015 - Reply

    Black women complain about being rejected or disrespected by some black males but continue to fund those very males. When it’s a question of someone who you spend dollars with, stop giving those dollars. No need to be rejected and fleeced. And that goes for those who choose light complexioned women in the best of times then want the support of the darker sisters in declining times. Stop supporting males that you feel don’t support you. My favorite comedian is with a non-black woman. I’ll watch him for free but I’ll never pay to see him.

  20. April 8, 2015 - Reply

    Whether Kendrick Lamar is colorstruck or not doesn’t/shouldn’t matter. Ultimately, it’s his choice.

    Don’t hate the player hate the game.

  21. April 11, 2015 - Reply

    I hate how pathetic some black women get on this issue. She is black. Who are light skin girls supposed to marry? Do black people need to do a skin tone test before they date/marry each other? Only a shade or two away now? GTFOOH

  22. April 19, 2015 - Reply

    Its not racism its colorism. GTFOH. so we can just use made up words and not be guilty of something now? nice. i didnt murder that dude, it was just a deathism. stealing? you must be talkin about indefinite-borrowism. waaaaay different… when i want it to be.. as long as its my side doing it.

  23. December 14, 2015 - Reply

    Cleaver was a sell out. You didnt finish his story.

  24. February 17, 2016 - Reply

    Black is Black. At least he’s with a sister.

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