Yesha Callahan

5 Signs He May Be A Jerk

When I look at the past men I’ve dated, I’m pretty fortunate that I’m still friends with some of them and consider a few of them some of my best friends. The couple of dates and relationships that went sour either were because of cheating, or they were just jerks. I will admit I had a faulty jerk-dar early on in my dating life. But thankfully through experience and learning more about myself and other personalities, I can sniff out a jerk a mile away. The 5 pointers below may come in handy for some, or provide a good laugh or two.

1. He is convinced that he is a “catch”
Whether his permanent address is his mother’s couch, or he owns a posh McMansion on the outskirts of the city, a jerk is a jerk because he cannot distinguish between a woman’s interest and desperation. The jerk assumes that a) he is in fact a catch (even if it’s just because he has a pulse or has been acquitted of any felonies) and b) you want to marry him and have his children. And you are willing to take a number on the off-chance that you might be the lucky one. Of course there are some women who feel a sense of desperation when it comes to securing a lasting intimate relationship (bka a commitment). I can honestly say I don’t personally know any of these women (maybe they’re already married); however, I’m pretty sure there are a few out there. Then there are women who are free from such malaise and simply make an effort to have a dynamic existence that isn’t focused around or preoccupied with romantic relationships. Guess which women jerks prefer? While the latter are more likely to engage in a more genuine interaction, the former will make the jerk feel like Adonis. Granted, the jerk is apt to paint any single woman who expresses or shows interest in him as being desperate; however, when it’s time for confirmation he knows which one to call. Or text.

2. He has nothing good to say about any of his exes
Maybe you’ve had mostly bad experiences in relationships. Maybe mostly good. Hell, maybe you’ve never been in a relationship. The jerk, typically, has no fond memories of past relationships. Even more likely, as cliché as it may seem, many have been hurt by women and are determined to make every subsequent woman they are involved with suffer for her lack of interest. From that point onward, they show disdain or even disgust for the women they deem to be as weak and vulnerable as they once were.

3. He texts often, but rarely, if ever, calls
Everybody texts. It’s convenient, it can be funny, you can send naughty pictures. It’s great. It’s also emotionally detached and can be downright disrespectful. I’ve done my share of online dating. If a man texts and texts and even asks you out via text, if he never calls the chances that you’re going on a date are slim to nil. In a more “established” interaction, numerous texts and very few calls are likely a sign that 1) he’s not really interested in hearing your voice or having a conversation with you and/or 2) he wants to communicate with you just enough to keep you on the roster. And please believe, he does have a roster if only in his head.

4.You’re attracted to him
Do you find yourself little disappointed when you find out that the man you’re interested in just isn’t “manly” enough or just not rough enough around the edges for you? If to you manly means overbearing, critical, and controlling and rough around the edges means a multiple page rap sheet, then you are probably a jerk magnet. The jerks don’t even have to come to you because you seek them out. If you’re telling your girlfriends wild stories of seemingly psychotic women banging on your door while you and the jerk are en flagrante derelicto, or tales of how he called you a bitch . . . again, you’re definitely a jerk magnet. Unless you just like dating jerks, get some input from a good friend before you go plunging in headfirst.

5.He tells you…
I love the movie Bridesmaids. My favorite part is when the protagonist’s car breaks down and the rich, handsome jerk she is “seeing” pulls up to her in his Porsche and says “What’s up, fu*k buddy?” My second favorite part is about three minutes later when she is so annoyed by his requests for fellatio in the moving car that she asks to be let out on the side of the road. The he yells out of the window as he pulls away : “You are no longer my number 3!”

Most jerks are unabashed womanizers. The jerk will make it very clear either implicitly or explicitly that he is involved with a number of women. He may even tell you your ranking as rankings are crucial. It is a contest, ladies.

  1. November 7, 2012 - Reply

    Number 2 is a big one. There are many men who say that all of their past relationships failed because of women being crazy or at fault.

  2. November 7, 2012 - Reply

    Quick question: Does this apply to women as well? I’ve seen many a woman imply #1, #2 (Ladies number 2, 2 Pac,el numero dos!, 2 termz, 2 chainz!!!) and #5 as examples of their “marketability” and upgrade value. IJS, I’ve seen it done in a pair of high heels very much the same…

    • November 7, 2012 - Reply

      @R. Cunningman

      No. It only applies to men. Black men.
      I don’t know about you, but I’m here to man bash

      • November 7, 2012 - Reply

        @camille

        I love this!!! How does an article about men on a site for women turn into something about women?

    • November 7, 2012 - Reply

      @R. Cunningman

      This is a heteronormative woman’s site.

      • November 7, 2012 - Reply

        @The Patient One

        I’d say more heterosexual than heteronormative. The article is geared towards women who date men, but it does not presuppose that all women date men

      • November 7, 2012 - Reply

        @The Patient One

        The article clearly targets a heteronormative audience, as do all the other articles about love and dating on this site.

      • November 7, 2012 - Reply

        @The Patient One

        Would you like heterosexual writers to generalize to all types of relationships regardless of how uninformed or disingenuous it turns out to be?

      • November 7, 2012 - Reply

        @The Patient One

        No, Camille, I don’t.

    • November 7, 2012 - Reply

      @R. Cunningman

      So, Patient One, what solution do you offer?

  3. November 7, 2012 - Reply

    Just curious, but does any of this also apply to women? This seems more like a person giving indications they are “playing the field” at worst – and the “jerked around” just not accepting that. I’ve seen many a women extol the values of #1, #2 and #5, because when you happen to be wearing a pair of stilettos this is couched as “empowerment” and “knowing your value”. If being a jerk is a defect of seeking to fulfill male ego/machismo/sexual conquest…then it would seem to be the same defect of a woman who might have self-identity/esteem issues as well. I’ve seen women say “I am a catch, I got xyz, I don’t need this, you’re lucky to have me, I can get a-z from so and so…”- all while expecting this same man to exude confidence, HNIC and kingmade behavior while also laying prostrate before her. Hint: There is a difference in him appreciating you and you dropping status calls at every opportunity.

    I’ve heard women detail strings of failed lovers/relationships who were all stepping stones with myriad shortcomings – none of which were her own to any discernable effect. And many a woman have had a “roster” of men she seems worthy to fulfill one role or another in her life, and will tell a dude that to their face and then wonder at some point why that same dude or other men (men do talk as well and often in detail or not flatteringly) are not fast to commit at some later point and time.

    #3 and #4 are subjective. The mode of communication as the criterion for partnering or even “marriagability”? What if he liked to leave post-it love notes in your purse instead of calling? Oh, that’s a “no-good” right there, he must not have a good Data plan, send him back girl! Instead of worrying about the mode of communication how bout, does the ninja COMMUNICATE. In fact, does he physically spend time with you? Because if he’s making efforts to do THAT instead of texting, IM’ing, DMing, Skyping, Cybering, facebooking, Facetiming – who the freak cares? Maybe he doesn’t want brain cancer from his smartphone or just don’t dig talking on the phone. Hint: Most dudes hate talking on the phone. Stereotypical as it seems is a historied gender difference: While you were in your teenage years talking with your girls, he was probably out playing sports, doing ish with his boys, etc. Its not a personal slight to you, that’s just not his primary mode. Ask the last time he called up his homie to just “chat”. Never. He probably don’t even call his momma like that. Why you mad?

    #4, If you’re attraction to him is a sign he’s a jerk, it’s also suggesting something about you…that should be self explanatory.

    I don’t think its inherently jerky for either sex to have these characteristics, I just think people need to be more honest about whether you’re getting into a committment or with someone who is obviously playing the field – and also be honest if you’re doing the same thing. #dropsthemic

    • November 7, 2012 - Reply

      @R. Cunningman

      This site is for and by Black women. That doesn’t mean that women can’t be jerks as well, and I’m sure there are non-heterosexual women who can attest to that in addition to you. I don’t come to this site to hear how “Black women ain’t shit either.” I come here to read articles by and for Black women. Why do men have such a hard time playing the background?

    • November 7, 2012 - Reply

      @R. Cunningman

      Take your ass to a male site lol. How the hell do you men come on a women’s site (suspect anyway) and divert attention off the subject.

      • November 7, 2012 - Reply

        @MISS_EMCEE

        I’m just really happy that a man came and broke it all down for us. Is that you, Steve Harvey?

  4. November 7, 2012 - Reply

    I had my share of having to deal with everything listed. As for #2. I was seeing a guy who every time he mention his fiance, he called her the -bword. that doesn’t stop there, he even referred to his mother as the b-word a few times. Well I only dealt with him 4 months too long. Lesson learned.

  5. November 7, 2012 - Reply

    Clutch can you please do an article about so called “straight men” who are on women sites all day commenting while wearing pink thongs with frank ocean face on the crotch and probably sound more sweet than diabetics blood. Then have the nerve to tell what kind of traits women have because, deep down they want a sex change. Thus, due to fact they can’t afford it they come on here and Steve Harvey, don imus, tyrese black women due to their insecurities. Also, their mad due to their big ass feet can fit into some neon pink red bottoms.

    • November 7, 2012 - Reply

      @MISS_EMCEE

      LOL!

  6. November 7, 2012 - Reply

    I’m sorry but #3???.. Nah, I can’t co-sign that. I am a female and I will text you essays all day long because I really do hate talking on the phone I have no problem with it whatsoever; I tell them upfront how I am horrible when it comes to me picking up a phone; but here’s the thing though if he is feeling you on a certain type of level oh trust me HE WILL CALL YOU eventually and say “I just wanted to hear your voice”.. I get that often so I will say that number 3 isn’t a sure tell sign.

    • November 7, 2012 - Reply

      @GirlSixx

      Now, you gotta get a different screen name if you don’t like talking on the phone lol. J/k

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: